Sometimes? Why?

My wife and I were talking about vowels the other day.  A, E, I, O, U. And sometimes Y. Sometimes? That’s too vague. Let’s come up with a percentage of how often Y is a vowel. C’mon! We have the technology. Doing this would assist those trying to learn our difficult English language. I’m guessing that with all the adverbs we have Y is usually a vowel. But I've never seen verification.

Wouldn’t it be easier to teach students new to the language that the vowels are A, E, I, O, U and 81% of the time Y (or whatever we determine the percentage to be)?  The other 19% of the words (where Y is a consonant) could be handled as one off exceptions.  

The word “yield”, for example, could be taught in driver’s ed in the roundabout chapter.

Name Brand

My dry cleaner is very personable. The employees learn everyone’s name. You don’t have to give your name when you go in to pick up your clothes. Been this way for years. It’s a nice touch. ‘Til now. They hired a new woman who doesn’t know everyone’s name yet – I get that. But I was in there last week waiting for her to retrieve my shirts (after I had provided her my name) and a woman came in with a little dog. First of all, why is a dog in the dry cleaner? I personally am against dog hair on my clothing. But no, there’s more. The clerk knew the dog’s name! “Hi Charley!” the clerk shrieked as the woman came into the shop. I asked if the dog was a paying customer (it wore a little jacket thing). The clerk said, no, they did not dry clean Charley’s jacket. (Yes, I’ll admit, it’s none of my business knowing where a dog gets his jacket cleaned. But I was trying to make a point.)

I have a plan to help this woman learn my name. I have a name tag I can pin to my coat. I’m going to wear it into the dry cleaner the next 5 times or so I go in there. Come mid-April, I’m going to stop wearing it and see if she remembers my name.  If that doesn’t work, I’ll leave some pictures of my late dog in my dirty shirt pocket. At least she’ll learn the name of my dog…

Traffic Cone

Our local McDonald's is offering a special where, if I buy a meal, I get a free ice cream cone. Now, maybe that works if you eat inside. Maybe they let you go back to the counter and get your free cone after you eat your burger and fries. But what about the drive-through? Aren’t most of their customers drive-through people? Can you really get the cone handed to you when you get the burger? You’d have to eat the cone first, during which time your fries would go limp. I suppose you could get your meal, hop back in line, and eat your meal while you’re in line. Or maybe you could get just your meal and drive around and eat your meal and then go back for your free cone. What would be the time limit for you to come back through the line? What if there’s a shift change and they don’t remember you when you come back through the line? And there would always be one that guy who would try to come back like 3 hours later, maybe in a different car…

Is this concept even safe? If they made eating ice cream and a burger and fries at the same time while driving illegal, and you got pulled over for it, and you pounded down the ice cream, burger and fries while the cop was walking up to your car, would it be legal for them to give you a breathalyzer?

 

Mush Read Post!

I ate at Bob Evans a few years back and, for something different, ordered corn mush. It was OK, nothing fantastic, but yeah, it was OK. It’s a good thing I ordered it then, ‘cause it’s no longer on the menu. I googled Bob Evans Mush and their website said it’s no longer on their menu but “it may be available at some locations. Ask your waitress.” Wait. What? Now I really want to go to Bob Evans and order some mush and see what happens.

Be prepared though. If you do this you need to remember that “Mush” is a sled dog command meaning “Get going!” or “Start Moving”.  So, don’t be surprised if the waitress leaves when you order it.

I bet that’s why they took it off the menu. Yeah.

Pineapple of Your Eye

 

Have you heard about the pizza place where they don’t like pineapple? You can get a pizza with pineapple as a topping but it costs like $125 if you want to add it to your pie? Yeah. Look it up. The owner of the restaurant does not like pineapple on a pizza. But he’s willing to offer it as an ingredient for the right price.  I don’t know where the owner stands on Pineapple Fanta…

If I had a pizza place I would do that with kale. If kale was any good, you’d be able to get it on a pizza, right? Nobody thinks twice about putting spinach on a pizza, but you NEVER have the kale option… 

Can we please stop kidding ourselves that kale is good? It’s green, but you don’t even see it on St Patrick’s Day. You never see ads with leprechauns telling you to eat kale…

Oh, and there’s no Kale Fanta. Huh-uh.

Time has Come Today!

 

The time change affects us all in different ways. Today, even though we moved the clocks ahead, I still woke up early. A one hour change for us is the equivalent of a seven hour change for dogs. (There are 52 days in a dog year – do the math. We’ve gone over this. We can revisit this if needed. ) We were watching our son and daughter-in-law’s dogs yesterday and one of the dogs did not eat well. I think she knew instinctively that the time change was coming and had a reaction. Poor thing…

Be careful if you cloxt (changing the time in your car while you drive). I was able to change mine in less than two miles this morning, which is pretty good. But I once had an ’84 Honda where the clock changed itself on the right day. Now my cars’ clocks don’t change and I have to take two miles out of my Sunday morning to change the time. We can put a man on the moon…

A couple of good questions for your car salesman are: 1) “Does the clock change itself on time change day like my Uncle Tommy’s ’84 Honda?”, and, if no, 2) “How many miles will it take, on average, to cloxt the time change?” This will be an important component in making the decision on your next vehicle purchase.

Flour People

 

We just published post number 900. We’re also approaching 100,000 views. Thanks readers! I thought we were at “gold record” levels, but I checked and a record is not gold until 500,000 copies are sold. So, we might have to wait a few months. A record reaches platinum when 1,000,000 copies are sold. What’s with there being a level higher than gold? Shouldn’t gold be the top level? Has anybody who has won gold in the Olympics ever had a gold record, I wonder? I can’t think of one. I bet Simone Biles cuts a record at some point…

I bet the song “Gold Finger” went gold. Heck, I bet it went platinum. I bet they tried to get the singer to do a follow up song called “Platinum Finger”…

Gold Medal Flour must have won a gold medal at some point but that company’s been around so long who knows when they won that award.  I bet it gets confusing when people win gold medals at the fair for their flowers…