Flour People

 

We just published post number 900. We’re also approaching 100,000 views. Thanks readers! I thought we were at “gold record” levels, but I checked and a record is not gold until 500,000 copies are sold. So, we might have to wait a few months. A record reaches platinum when 1,000,000 copies are sold. What’s with there being a level higher than gold? Shouldn’t gold be the top level? Has anybody who has won gold in the Olympics ever had a gold record, I wonder? I can’t think of one. I bet Simone Biles cuts a record at some point…

I bet the song “Gold Finger” went gold. Heck, I bet it went platinum. I bet they tried to get the singer to do a follow up song called “Platinum Finger”…

Gold Medal Flour must have won a gold medal at some point but that company’s been around so long who knows when they won that award.  I bet it gets confusing when people win gold medals at the fair for their flowers…

New Territory

 

I heard a commercial on the radio for an online bank yesterday. The commercial went into new territory. The guy said that he had applied for a loan at his local bank and that he and his banker had had a 15 year relationship. But after he applied he didn’t hear anything for 8 weeks. So he finally called the bank only to find out he’d been turned down for the loan.  And that decline led to his divorce.

Wow. This is the first time I had heard the phrase “led to his divorce” in any commercial. Seriously?  Hair loss, weight gain, sleep number? None of these commercials ever mention divorce caused by the problem being addressed in the commercial…

The guy of course got the loan in three days from the online bank. But there’s no mention of his wife coming back.  I think if the loan decline led to divorce, she’s gotta come back when the loan gets approved by the new bank. I need the new bank to make that happen.

Is that asking too much?

Dark Meat Post

 I’m sure you read or heard about the theft of 100,000 brown eggs from a farming operation in Pennsylvania last month. The eggs had a street value of $40,000.  To my knowledge the thief(s) has/have not been caught. One would think it would be pretty easy to catch this person/people when he/she/they try(s) to fence the brown eggs…

Funny, just two or three weeks after the eggs got stolen, Colonel Sanders and KFC are making a run for Texas. Coincidence? You decide. A man of his stature likely has the wherewithal to hatch these eggs. I’m sure he has the technology.

Since these were brown eggs, let’s see if, in the near future, KFC starts running some specials on dark meat. Yeah.

Restaurant Column

 

I like to read the restaurant inspections in the paper. The inspection results fall into two categories: those without violations and those with violations. It’s pass-fail. Often the “violation” is something along the lines of “The lettuce in the refrigerator was stored below the ground beef”.  Or, “There was a bucket in the hand washing sink.” Or, “Cheese did not have an expiration date.” These “violations” don’t bother me, unless of course the bucket in the sink had chicken in it, I suppose. If the bucket in the sink is at a KFC I’m probably not going there…

What bothers me is that these minor violators get thrown in the same column with restaurants with the serious violations: the mold, the slime, rats, and the insect infestations. C’mon. Don’t we need a middle column?

To be fair to those restaurants in the rat and insect violation category, at least the rats and bugs were attracted to the food. There were no reports of rats or bugs leaving a restaurant. I guess that would be a fourth column.

Pulled Chicken

 

KFC, formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken, just announced that it is moving its headquarters from Louisville Kentucky to Plano Texas. Too bad for Louisville. KFC was founded there and had always been there. I bet a lot of people eat KFC during the Kentucky Derby. I don’t, but I bet people do.

I don’t know what this means for the Colonel. I’ve always pretty much thought of the Colonel as a Civil War era guy. I mean, they don’t ever show him driving a tank or being in ‘Nam or anything. Kentucky was a border state in the Civil War. I’m thinking the Colonel might have been a Yankee. There was more population in the north and he could sell more chicken there. If he’s gotta move to Texas, and if the Texans think he was a Yankee, I’m afraid of what might happen to him.  

Nice knowin' ya, Colonel. I hope they don't give you a lickin' down there. 

(I know this is 20/20 hindsight, but if Kentucky had made the chicken its state bird, KFC would never have left.)

  

Valentine Violation!

 

I was in one of the most pleasant places in the world earlier this week. Where is that, you ask? I’ll tell you where! It’s the Valentine card aisle at the Hallmark Shop a couple of days before Valentine’s Day. Watching people pick out cards and seeing smiles light up their faces is a beautiful thing. It’s people showing their good sides. It’d be a great place to meet your potential spouse if the people there weren’t already in love…

Oh, but then I got to the cashier. I gave her my Valentine card and she looked down at it, obviously reading the front of the card. And then she opened it! Come on! Is there no privacy left in the world? What a violation. Then she told me she liked the card. Like, did I really think she was going to tell me she didn’t like the card?

I guess next year I’m going to buy my card someplace where they have self-checkout. I’ll go to Dollar Tree for my card. I don’t care if the envelopes don’t fit or the poems don’t rhyme.

(It's a) Nice Day for a White Wig

Sunday’s post touched on the white wigs worn in court in years gone by. I looked up white court wigs on line, and there were multiple sites selling them. There’s quite a market for them apparently. They range in price from $10.79 to $2,082.79. I should note that the second one had free delivery. The $10.79 model offers a money back guarantee if returned within 90 days. So yeah, that’s the one I would buy. Just ship it back after the party. The $2,082.79 model had better be somebody famous’s hair, like Betty White or Henry Clay or somebody…

So, do attorneys get together and wear these wigs at parties? Is it some secret society? Who's buying these?

Why hasn’t someone invented the white wig hat? That’d be kind of cool, I would think. Get the white wig look and keep your head warm at the same time. Dispense some justice out on the driveway when you’re shoveling snow…