Conway

One day when I was young my friend’s mom was out for a jog. A truck drove by and the driver threw something out the window. It landed well up into a yard.  My friend’s mother was curious as to what it was, so she picked it up. It was a Conway Twitty 8 track tape! Being the kind, thoughtful mother she was, she took it home and gave it to her son (my friend).

The tape worked and we played it to death. (It was the age of 8 track tapes.) We never figured out why the tape was thrown out the window; we don’t think the driver ever came back looking for it. Maybe he got tired of that Conway song “You’re the Reason our Kids are Ugly”.  I bet that was it.

This is just one more reason to get out there and jog, folks. It ain’t just about the exercise.  

Out House is a Very Very Very Fine House

Who came up with the term “out house”? I like it. I like it more than the term “pit toilet”.  Back in the day they made two holer, side by side outhouses. There was no dividing wall between the two holes. You just sat there with the other person. Maybe you talked. I can’t remember using one but I definitely remember seeing one as a child. It left an impression.

I’ve asked some older folks about this, and yes, people remember these two holers. There’s no agreement as to why they existed. Some think it was for efficiency.  Others say it was a couples thing. But I’m guessing these failed as a concept since there weren’t very many of them. There was never a three or more no-wall unit, to anyone’s knowledge.

Our research indicates there was no connection to this concept with the phrase, “Will you go out with me?”

You Say Torpedo, I Say Torpedo

This week I heard a famous 380BC quote from the Spartan warrior Dienekes. When told that the Persian enemy’s arrows would be so numerous that they would blot out the sun he replied, “Good, then we will fight in the shade!” So yeah, this quote has stayed famous for like, what, 2400 years? Not sure I get it. I’m not sure it ranks up with “I have not yet begun to fight!”, or, “D@$* the torpedoes, full speed ahead!”, or “I shall return!”. Or even, “I’ll be back!”. ( Was Schwarzenegger trying to quote General McArthur there?)

I mean, did Vince Lombardi or Knute Rockne ever fire up their football teams at halftime by shouting this Dienekes quote? Dienekes must have been a tremendous soldier and they wanted something to remember him by.That's gotta be it.

I’ll try this saying at the next sales meeting at work. Yeah.

7/10 Split

 

It’s ice cream season. I love ice cream. I love the novelties. Let’s look at some of these novelties as we enter the summer season:

• Banana Split – I know a guy who owns a bowling alley and he’s opening an ice cream shop. This may lead to some sticky bowling balls, but we’ll see. I told him he needs to call his banana split the 7/10 split. We’ll see if he takes me up on that. Maybe the 7/10 split is so undesirable in bowling that bowlers would stay away from something with that name…
• Bomb Pop – It’s red, white and blue and you eat it in red, white and blue order. Perfect for America’s 250^th anniversary. Get one now!
• Creamsicle – Popsicle with ice cream in the middle. Delish. Also known as the dreamsicle or jet bar. I get that dreamsicle and creamsicle could get confused with each other and the “C” and the “D” are close to each other so maybe it was a simple typo. But jet bar?

Perhaps the jet bar was invented to carry and drop the bomb pop. I’m pretty busy running this blog so if somebody with a military ice cream background could look into that that’d be great. Somebody who worked in the galley .   

It's Getting Butter All The Time

 My family and my readers are aware of my love of butter. I even received a beautiful yellow Butterie butter dish for my birthday!  The Butterie eliminates the daily chore of attempting to soften the butter to a spreadable texture by microwaving it. You simply leave the Butterie out all night and it’s there on the counter to greet you each morning.

Many of the letters we receive here at Uncle Tommy are signed “LOL”. Some people understand that to mean “Laughed out Loud”. Others take that to mean “Lots of Love”.  Some say it’s a combination of those two. We here at Uncle Tommy understand the real meaning of the phrase: “Land O Lakes”.Yeah. We know the code. 

You’d butter believe it.     

Smelling Bee

 It’s really hard to find good help what with the immigration crack down and all. Workers are being deported and those who remain are often over worked. We were at a restaurant last week where the waitress had to cover the whole dining room by herself and asked us multiple times if we could sneak her out of the building!

I’ve been covering this whole blog pretty much by myself lately and I made a big mistake on the previous post about drug sniffing dogs. Chalk it up to exhaustion. Originally I had erroneously typed dog sniffing dogs being out of work instead of drug sniffing dogs.  That’s a big difference. This error was in the original post and some of you may have read it before it got corrected.

Rest assured dear readers, your dog sniffing dogs are not being retired. Or deported. As far as I know, they’re out there in full force.  But if your dog is a German shepherd or French poodle, make sure its passport is up to date!

Oooh That Smell

Now that marijuana is being legalized in so many states, we are seeing more and more former drug sniffing dogs who are now out of jobs. These poor dogs went through meticulous training, sometimes lasting (dog) years. Remember that old saying: you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Yeah, these dogs can’t likely become seeing-eye dogs or sled dogs or something. Most of them can't be "untrained". 

So these dogs are retired. They stay inside on the couch watching animal planet. Or they end up at a shelter, or at the pound. (In Canada, do they call the pound the kilogram?)

At any rate, someone needs to start an adoption program for these guys, something along this theme: "Tired of being hooked on weed? Adopt this dog. You’ll never buy weed again.” Pretty simple if you think about it.