Camels and Camo

 

While at the zoo last week I saw a couple wearing camouflage.  Yeah, I saw them. They likely did not want to be seen, but yeah, I saw them. You have to wonder in those situations if they were on the lam, hiding from some past misdeed of some sort. That was my first thought. But, as I sought out the security guy, I thought to myself, maybe they weren’t on the lam; maybe they did not want the animals to see them for some reason. Maybe they thought that the animals were more likely to come out from hiding if they didn’t see any people.

In hindsight, I bet they simply trying to sneak into the zoo without paying. That had to be it. I suppose it’s possible they were hunters but let’s not even go there!

 

Living by a Code

 As a grandfather, I often use the phrase “Code Brown” when one of the children needs a diaper change. I thought “Code Brown” was my own little phrase but it turns out everybody uses it. So maybe I didn’t invent it. It, of course, is a take-off on “Code Blue”, a term used at hospitals. I try to be careful, ‘cause somewhere there’s a doctor who invented the term “Code Blue”. He maybe didn’t get a disease or a hospital wing or an operation named after him, but he likely could tell people at cocktail parties, “Yeah, you’ve heard of the phrase “Code Blue”? I’m the guy who coined that phrase.”

In case you’re wondering I don’t introduce myself at parties with the line, “You may have heard of me – I’m the guy who invented the term “Code Brown”.” No.

Ideal Weight

 

I went to a different deli last week and I think I’m going to keep going back. I asked for a pound of potato salad and the guy got out the container and filled it up and, bingo, it weighed exactly a pound. I thought to myself, wow, this guy’s good. So I doubled down and ordered a pound of Cole slaw. I didn’t really want the slaw, but I wanted to see if this guy was that good, or was he just lucky on my potato salad. So, yeah, he got out the container, filled it with slaw and, bam, he hit one pound on the nose again. Two for two. This time, I felt the need to say something. I congratulated him. He took it in stride, but you could tell there was a little pride there and maybe a little competitive juice. Probably exactly a pound of competitive juice, now that I think of it.

He says he doesn’t compete, but you know he’s gotta be thinking about it. I took a marketing course in college and yeah, if I ran the store, I’d run promotions around this guy. I’d run a 10% off sale if he can come within, say, a half once of what you ordered. Let’s make shopping fun again!.

Wild Pitch

We have friends who still get the newspaper delivered to their house every day. The guy who delivers it throws it to their front step from the sidewalk and about once a month he misses the front step and fires it into their hedge. He never retrieves it from the hedge. And our friends who live there don’t retrieve it.  It just sits there in the hedge, maybe for weeks. The delivery guy is old, so his aim is probably never going to get better. And it’s not like he’s throwing it from his bike. He’s walking.     

I blame the publisher. When they hire these guys, do they assess their athletic ability? Questions like, do they play horse shoes, Jarts or cornball? Were they ever a pitcher? If yes, could they throw strikes? Was their best pitch a fastball, or did they rely on curves and sliders? Does they need a full windup or can they pitch from the stretch?

If they had a military background, did they throw grenades?  

Happy Easter! 

Peeps for Pups

One of our readers recently found Peeps dog food of some sort in the liquidation aisle at one of the big box stores and was kind enough to tell us about it. I have no problem with dogs enjoying peeps (better them than me). The main problem I had was that the Peeps were in the liquidation aisle BEFORE Easter. Nobody discounts candy before Easter. So this meant that:

•                They were leftover from last year, or
•          The store didn’t know when Easter is this year. (Easter does move around a lot.)

I wonder how much different these Peeps are from the human Peeps. I wish some brave person would try one and let us know. My guess is that they are about the same and that Peeps Inc is tired of slow sales in the human market and is test marketing their product on dogs.

I bet that’s how a lot of dog food gets started.  

The Plots Thicken

Is a couple that buys adjoining cemetery plots more likely to stick together until death? I don’t know that answer but I bet the answer is “Yes!” I would assume that, yes, people who lay out the money for these plots, these people who know they will someday be laid side by side, have a better than average chance of staying together. If I was a marketing director for a cemetery, I would really push the “buying plots together can strengthen your marriage” angle. It doesn’t take someone who took a marketing course in college to see this...

This subject reminds me of the song “Love Will Keep Us Togther” by the musical duo Captain and Tennille. Their marriage lasted 39 years. Wikipedia doesn’t say if they had adjoining cemetery plots or not…

The Plot Thickens

As we get older, we need to think about funeral arrangements for ourselves. Purchasing cemetery plots is a nice couples activity. You and your spouse shop around, find what you like, pick it out, buy it, and it’s yours. Maybe there are arguments as to who gets the left plot and who gets the right one, but I’m guessing people just go with which side of the bed they sleep on, right? Or maybe the couple  selects the right or left plot based on which side of the car they sat in. (“Well, Herb always drove. Always.”)  

The separate plots remind me of the twin beds on the old Dick Van Dyke show. It would have been really funny if Dick and Mary Tyler Moore would have switched beds from episode to episode (“Hey, last week she was in the bed on the left”) but I don’t think that happened…