It's Getting Butter All The Time

 My family and my readers are aware of my love of butter. I even received a beautiful yellow Butterie butter dish for my birthday!  The Butterie eliminates the daily chore of attempting to soften the butter to a spreadable texture by microwaving it. You simply leave the Butterie out all night and it’s there on the counter to greet you each morning.

Many of the letters we receive here at Uncle Tommy are signed “LOL”. Some people understand that to mean “Laughed out Loud”. Others take that to mean “Lots of Love”.  Some say it’s a combination of those two. We here at Uncle Tommy understand the real meaning of the phrase: “Land O Lakes”.Yeah. We know the code. 

You’d butter believe it.     

Smelling Bee

 It’s really hard to find good help what with the immigration crack down and all. Workers are being deported and those who remain are often over worked. We were at a restaurant last week where the waitress had to cover the whole dining room by herself and asked us multiple times if we could sneak her out of the building!

I’ve been covering this whole blog pretty much by myself lately and I made a big mistake on the previous post about drug sniffing dogs. Chalk it up to exhaustion. Originally I had erroneously typed dog sniffing dogs being out of work instead of drug sniffing dogs.  That’s a big difference. This error was in the original post and some of you may have read it before it got corrected.

Rest assured dear readers, your dog sniffing dogs are not being retired. Or deported. As far as I know, they’re out there in full force.  But if your dog is a German shepherd or French poodle, make sure its passport is up to date!

Oooh That Smell

Now that marijuana is being legalized in so many states, we are seeing more and more former drug sniffing dogs who are now out of jobs. These poor dogs went through meticulous training, sometimes lasting (dog) years. Remember that old saying: you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? Yeah, these dogs can’t likely become seeing-eye dogs or sled dogs or something. Most of them can't be "untrained". 

So these dogs are retired. They stay inside on the couch watching animal planet. Or they end up at a shelter, or at the pound. (In Canada, do they call the pound the kilogram?)

At any rate, someone needs to start an adoption program for these guys, something along this theme: "Tired of being hooked on weed? Adopt this dog. You’ll never buy weed again.” Pretty simple if you think about it.

Tubby Time

We had an interesting conversation yesterday about tub access for seniors. One of the last calls you want to receive is the elderly relative or neighbor calling to tell you that they’ve fallen and they can’t get up. There’s a range of these calls, none of which are good. However, the worst of these is likely, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get out of the tub”.  Nobody wants that call. Even professional first responders don’t want that call.

So, should the elderly be required to wear bathing suits in the tub or shower after a certain age? I know this seems extreme and I have no idea how it could be enforced, but, for the benefit of society, I don’t think this is a bad idea. We may be on to something.

This could also be helpful when a senior receives one of those face time calls from the grandchildren.

 

Diaper Time

I’m going to a diaper party Saturday. It’s my first one - I’m pretty busy with this blog. I was familiar with toga parties when I was young, in fact I was in my high school’s Latin Club as many of you know (I was also on the Latin Club basketball team), and we had incredible banquets where we wore the garb. Julius Caesar had nothing on us. We ruled. But I hadn’t been to a diaper party.

Apparently there are big differences in the two parties. Whereas one wears a toga to a toga party, one does not wear a diaper to a diaper party. That’s a good thing to know and I’ll throw that out there for any of you who might attend one of these someday.

So yeah, you take a box of diapers to the party. And I’m told you don’t have to wrap them, ‘cause, like, everybody’s giving the same gift but the receiver would still have to act surprised and stuff when he unwrapped your diapers. And it’d be hard to tell in the pictures which gift came from which person. 

And don’t even get me started on sorting out the thank you notes.

Camels and Camo

 

While at the zoo last week I saw a couple wearing camouflage.  Yeah, I saw them. They likely did not want to be seen, but yeah, I saw them. You have to wonder in those situations if they were on the lam, hiding from some past misdeed of some sort. That was my first thought. But, as I sought out the security guy, I thought to myself, maybe they weren’t on the lam; maybe they did not want the animals to see them for some reason. Maybe they thought that the animals were more likely to come out from hiding if they didn’t see any people.

In hindsight, I bet they were simply trying to sneak into the zoo without paying. That had to be it. I suppose it’s possible they were hunters but let’s not even go there!

 

Living by a Code

 As a grandfather, I often use the phrase “Code Brown” when one of the children needs a diaper change. I thought “Code Brown” was my own little phrase but it turns out everybody uses it. So maybe I didn’t invent it. It, of course, is a take-off on “Code Blue”, a term used at hospitals. I try to be careful, ‘cause somewhere there’s a doctor who invented the term “Code Blue”. He maybe didn’t get a disease or a hospital wing or an operation named after him, but he likely could tell people at cocktail parties, “Yeah, you’ve heard of the phrase “Code Blue”? I’m the guy who coined that phrase.”

In case you’re wondering I don’t introduce myself at parties with the line, “You may have heard of me – I’m the guy who invented the term “Code Brown”.” No.