Ideal Weight

 

I went to a different deli last week and I think I’m going to keep going back. I asked for a pound of potato salad and the guy got out the container and filled it up and, bingo, it weighed exactly a pound. I thought to myself, wow, this guy’s good. So I doubled down and ordered a pound of Cole slaw. I didn’t really want the slaw, but I wanted to see if this guy was that good, or was he just lucky on my potato salad. So, yeah, he got out the container, filled it with slaw and, bam, he hit one pound on the nose again. Two for two. This time, I felt the need to say something. I congratulated him. He took it in stride, but you could tell there was a little pride there and maybe a little competitive juice. Probably exactly a pound of competitive juice, now that I think of it.

He says he doesn’t compete, but you know he’s gotta be thinking about it. I took a marketing course in college and yeah, if I ran the store, I’d run promotions around this guy. I’d run a 10% off sale if he can come within, say, a half once of what you ordered. Let’s make shopping fun again!.

Wild Pitch

We have friends who still get the newspaper delivered to their house every day. The guy who delivers it throws it to their front step from the sidewalk and about once a month he misses the front step and fires it into their hedge. He never retrieves it from the hedge. And our friends who live there don’t retrieve it.  It just sits there in the hedge, maybe for weeks. The delivery guy is old, so his aim is probably never going to get better. And it’s not like he’s throwing it from his bike. He’s walking.     

I blame the publisher. When they hire these guys, do they assess their athletic ability? Questions like, do they play horse shoes, Jarts or cornball? Were they ever a pitcher? If yes, could they throw strikes? Was their best pitch a fastball, or did they rely on curves and sliders? Does they need a full windup or can they pitch from the stretch?

If they had a military background, did they throw grenades?  

Happy Easter! 

Peeps for Pups

One of our readers recently found Peeps dog food of some sort in the liquidation aisle at one of the big box stores and was kind enough to tell us about it. I have no problem with dogs enjoying peeps (better them than me). The main problem I had was that the Peeps were in the liquidation aisle BEFORE Easter. Nobody discounts candy before Easter. So this meant that:

•                They were leftover from last year, or
•          The store didn’t know when Easter is this year. (Easter does move around a lot.)

I wonder how much different these Peeps are from the human Peeps. I wish some brave person would try one and let us know. My guess is that they are about the same and that Peeps Inc is tired of slow sales in the human market and is test marketing their product on dogs.

I bet that’s how a lot of dog food gets started.  

The Plots Thicken

Is a couple that buys adjoining cemetery plots more likely to stick together until death? I don’t know that answer but I bet the answer is “Yes!” I would assume that, yes, people who lay out the money for these plots, these people who know they will someday be laid side by side, have a better than average chance of staying together. If I was a marketing director for a cemetery, I would really push the “buying plots together can strengthen your marriage” angle. It doesn’t take someone who took a marketing course in college to see this...

This subject reminds me of the song “Love Will Keep Us Togther” by the musical duo Captain and Tennille. Their marriage lasted 39 years. Wikipedia doesn’t say if they had adjoining cemetery plots or not…

The Plot Thickens

As we get older, we need to think about funeral arrangements for ourselves. Purchasing cemetery plots is a nice couples activity. You and your spouse shop around, find what you like, pick it out, buy it, and it’s yours. Maybe there are arguments as to who gets the left plot and who gets the right one, but I’m guessing people just go with which side of the bed they sleep on, right? Or maybe the couple  selects the right or left plot based on which side of the car they sat in. (“Well, Herb always drove. Always.”)  

The separate plots remind me of the twin beds on the old Dick Van Dyke show. It would have been really funny if Dick and Mary Tyler Moore would have switched beds from episode to episode (“Hey, last week she was in the bed on the left”) but I don’t think that happened…

Mario

Tuesday was Mario day (MAR10, get it?). This was a new one to me. It’s a Nintendo-endorsed holiday featuring sales on Nintendo games and stuff. But why should Nintendo “own” this day? What about all the restaurants named Mario around our communities? Shouldn’t they be allowed to participate? We had a carryout-only pizza place near our house growing up called Mario’s.  There were only two women who ever worked there (it was small). We thought they were sisters and maybe they lived upstairs above the restaurant. They probably didn’t need a furnace what with that pizza oven running well into the night. And they got to eat all the pizzas that people never picked up. Pretty sweet gig…

Every day was Mario Day for them I bet. I was often tempted to order a pizza and not pick it up so they’d have more to eat but I never did it.  

Big Ride

I saw a headline today that read: “Governor Wants Tighter Seat Belt Law”.  Really? Those self-tightening seat belts are tight enough now, I thought. They’re tight enough that, when I go through a fast food drive through and order a double cheeseburger, large fry and a 56 oz Mr. Pibb, I can’t take my wallet out of my hip pocket without unlatching my seat belt. (Is that even legal?) Then you eat the burger, fries and guzzle the Pibb and that belt gets even tighter!

I gave a business associate a ride to BW3 once. I didn’t know him that well. My car started beeping – I told him his seat belt needed to be on. He replied, “I know” and proceeded to do nothing. He knew he was too big for the seat belt. I gotta tell you, that was one awkward ride. What does one do in that situation?

•                Turn up the radio?
•          Talk about the weather?
•          Turn back?
•          Ask him to move to the back seat?
•          Take off your seat belt to sympathize?

I think I said something like, “So, like hey, what’re you gonna order at BW3?” Yeah.