Fun Time

More US History: We used to have a roller skating rink in town called Fun Spot. And guess what? I always had fun there. Always. Fun is a word that shows up a lot in advertising. I had a Fun Size package of M&M’s last week. It had 11 M&M’s in it. I thought that was an unusual number, so I opened another package. That package had 10 M’s (Do I really need to add the “&M”’s in this context?) in it. Regardless, I don’t consider 10 or 11 M’s “fun”, do you? You may not even get all the colors. And some say all the colors taste the same, but I’m not so sure. Shouldn’t “fun size” be the larger size?

Should we describe clothes sizes the same way? Petite = fun size. Should Big and Tall be “More Fun”?

The Dawn of American History

I know I promised to write about aspects of US history leading up to the 250^th anniversary of the United States next month. I'm trying. (See below.) I was in a record store over the weekend and the owner was playing a Tony Orlando and Dawn LP on a shabby little record player. I asked him pleasantly, “Hey, what’s up with the Tony Orlando record?” He said that his good stuff sells OK so he tries to promote his stuff that doesn’t sell. (Dude probably took a marketing course in college, I bet.) I did not question his strategy – hey, it’s a free country (for 250 years!). But I didn’t buy any Tony. Or Dawn.

Interestingly enough, (and here’s some interesting US history), Dawn was not a person. No. Dawn was a group, a pair of women, neither of whom was named Dawn. I couldn’t find any info on the choice of the name, like if they often woke up before sunrise, or whatever…

It dawned on me as I was writing this that there must be hundreds of guys in Orlando named Tony who go by Tony Orlando. I bet at least one of them is married to a woman named Dawn. I’m pretty busy running this blog but if somebody could look into that, that’d be great.

Getting Past the Gatekeeper

I called a business yesterday. When I asked to be connected to a certain individual, the receptionist responded with the line, “Will she know why you’re calling?” Yeah. When a receptionist asks this, it’s your job to take control of the conversation. You at this point need to flip the conversation to make it appear she is questioning her boss. I responded, “I don’t know if she’ll know why I’m calling. I don’t know her capacity for remembering stuff. I really don’t know her that well. Do you think she remembers things particularly well? You know her better than I do.”

This seemed to work. There were no more questions. She put me through to the person’s office. Bingo. This typically works. Try it!

1000th Post

We’d like to take the occasion of the 1000^th post here at UT to take a look back at the 250 year history of our country. We will continue looking at aspects of US history leading up the July 4^th celebration. Today we’re taking a look at the “George Washington slept here” signs you see in the northeast US. Some of these signs need some clarification:

• Was it just him? Didn’t Martha travel with him sometimes?
• How many nights did he stay there? Put that on the sign.
• Did he leave a review?
• Did he get the AAA discount?
• Do they sneak the name “Carver” in small letters after “Washington” on the sign?
• How do you define the word “slept”. Can they put the sign up if it was just a nap?

You’ll be walking on peanut shells awaiting these and other answers.

Overjoyed

Have you ever thought about the word “overjoyed”? Typically, that prefix “over” indicates too much of something. “He overate.” “She overcooked the pot roast.” “He overate the overcooked pot roast.” This word overjoyed reminds me of my friend in sixth grade who spent too much time in the sun at the beach and got sick. He overdid it. He enjoyed himself too much and thus overjoyed. (Yeah, this was the same guy whose mom gave him the Conway Twitty 8-Track tape. We may have over-listened to some of those songs. We overplayed that tape.)

So yeah, be careful with the word “overjoyed”. If someone tells you they’re overjoyed to see you, you’d be best to tilt your head slightly and ask them, “Have you ever taken a hard look at that word?”

A second, less used meaning for overjoyed, is when you're doing dishes and you use too much dish soap  and the bubbles are more than 12 inches above the water. If you're more than like 11 and you find yourself doing this it may be time to take a turn drying.  

300 Feet

Have you seen the 300 feet “no fireworks” signs? They’re in front of all major retailers around here lately. I saw the signs today at Kroger and Lowe’s. They state that you cannot set off fireworks within 300 feet of the door of the store. I’m not sure I understand the concept ‘cause most of these stores don’t even sell fireworks. Have parking lots become a popular spot to shoot off fireworks? What am I missing? Why not just ban the use of fireworks on their property? Can we at least change it to 250 feet as we celebrate that anniversary this year? Is that asking too much?

I bought some lighter fluid at Kroger yesterday. There’s no 300 foot rule on lighter fluid. Apparently I can grill in their parking lot. But I got carded. 

Do they really look at the ID if you look old? I think it’s a fake look at the ID if you look over 30. But maybe they make a game out of it and try to guess your age and then, if they’re really good at it over time, I bet they apply for a job at the age guessing booth at the carnival. Yeah.

Conway

One day when I was young my friend’s mom was out for a jog. A truck drove by and the driver threw something out the window. It landed well up into a yard.  My friend’s mother was curious as to what it was, so she picked it up. It was a Conway Twitty 8 track tape! Being the kind, thoughtful mother she was, she took it home and gave it to her son (my friend).

The tape worked and we played it to death. (It was the age of 8 track tapes.) We never figured out why the tape was thrown out the window; we don’t think the driver ever came back looking for it. Maybe he got tired of that Conway song “You’re the Reason our Kids are Ugly”.  I bet that was it.

This is just one more reason to get out there and jog, folks. It ain’t just about the exercise.