Library Medical Clinic

Our downtown library attracts homeless people from time to time. It’s a warm building, it’s open to the public, and it serves as a shelter from the elements. This is not uncommon for libraries. Well, somebody in local government has had the idea to add a medical clinic to our downtown library to treat the homeless who otherwise do not receive adequate medical attention.  This all seems practical to me. Bring the doctor to the people. Maybe coordinate their next appointment with the due dates on their library books. That type of thing.

The doctors and nurses would have to whisper there. But that would be more than made up for by the quantity and quality of reading material in the waiting room.

Kernel of Truth

It’s nice to see that KFC reads my blog and that they are taking my advice and introducing a female Colonel Sanders. I had proposed this a while back (see my post dated 9/16/17). KFC is getting killed by Chick-Fil-A and they needed to do something because nobody goes there Monday through Saturday. Glad I could contribute to your survival, KFC. No need to send a thank you card or gift certificate or anything. No need to offer to let me play the colonel, KFC. But don’t expect my help again KFC… 

OK. OK. Here’s one more suggestion, KFC. Promote the fact you still have good coleslaw and that Chick-Fil-A got rid of theirs and replaced it with Kale something. Jump on the Kale bashing train, KFC…

I know I said this before but it’s really worth repeating: I knew a guy who was so poor growing up his family would go into KFC and lick other people’s fingers. I’m not saying that needs to be in a commercial, KFC, but if you use it I could use those gift cards…

Cereal Killer

I really don’t watch too many, if any, horror movies. But don’t the vampires always talk with that Transylvanian accent? As in, “I vant to suck your blooood!!” That’s the line I always think of. But does a vampire ever really say that? Or is that just from a Count Chocula commercial or something? I mean, a vampire is not going to ask for your blood, is he? You would likely say "No". I think he’s just gonna go for it. And do these Transylvanians ever get jobs? Or does personnel say “Reason for decline – talked like vampire”?

Like I mentioned, I was not a fan of horror movies. But I loved the monster cereals. I liked Franken Berry and Boo Berry. This from Wikipedia: In February 1972, Franken Berry cereal included an indigestible pigment that turned some children's feces pink, a symptom sometimes referred to as "Franken Berry Stool”. Wow, thanks Wikipedia!

Try not to think about this when Pink sings the Star Spangled Banner at the Super Bowl next month.  

Smart Cars

Remember when auto dashboards had warning lights with pictures and you, like the archeologists looking at Inca cave drawings, would have to figure out what the pictures meant while you were driving? Well now we get written warning messages on our dashboards. For the last few days my car has displayed an “ice warning!” on its dashboard. Is that really necessary? The thermometer is already displayed and I can maybe see if it’s raining or whatever. Then again, should there be other “warnings”, such as:

• “It’s raining – Turn on your wipers"
• “(Baby?) It’s Cold Outside  – Turn on your heat”
• "Music alert – You’ve listened to two crappy songs in a row”
• "Heated seat warning – Your heat warmer’s been on too long and you’re gonna broil somebody”
• “Left turn warning – You’ve made four left turns in a row. You are lost.”
• "You’re Amish and should not be driving”

These smart cars are smarter than you think.

"There Was More to Her Tears than Met the Eye"

I kind of dread going to the eye doctor. I struggle with the fact that my eye doctor allows me to drive home after an appointment. What’s up with that? Yeah, you walk outside after the appointment with dilated pupils wearing those flexible, throwaway sunglasses they give you, and you can’t even find your car, much less drive it. They should give you one of those funeral procession type magnetic flags to put on your car that say “DILATED” in big letters. Then you could run right through red lights and stuff ‘cause you’re going to be doing that anyways…

The obvious answer here is to schedule the appointments after dark. It doesn’t take a genius to figure this stuff out…

Speaking of eyesight issues, our high school recently fired a teacher for being cross-eyed. That doesn’t seem very fair but I guess she couldn’t control her pupils…  

Ex-file

I talked to this guy recently who’s been married for a couple of years but he’s still on his ex-girlfriend’s cell phone plan. That’s one sweet deal for him, I thought to myself, but not so great for her. I wonder if she knows he’s on her phone plan. Maybe she doesn’t even know he got married. The payment probably gets deducted from her checking account every month and maybe she doesn’t look at the bill.

Let’s assume the ex-girlfriend doesn’t know about her ex’s freeloading. He needs to be prepared for that day when she finds out. His options on that day include:

•          Offer to pay for the phone
•          Say he didn’t know about the phone
•          Say that he thought another ex-girlfriend was paying for it

Men can be jerks.