New Words and Phrases for 2018

Here are some new words and phrases we’ve run across in 2018. Use these and impress your friends at holiday parties:

•          Charlene Horse  - muscle cramp on female leg
•          Bluetiful – Something blue that is attractive to the eye
•          Moo Goo Gai Pancakes – Breakfast item at Chinese restaurant
•          Left Hor D’oeuvres – What a caterer eats on Monday
•          Pandora’s Can of Worms – Venturing into an extra-extra complicated area or event
•          Kempt – Neat, organized. See sheveled  

Go ahead and use these – let’s get ‘em out there.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am really looking forward to Thanksgiving this year. Don’t forget to take a group photo before somebody leaves. Group photos are fun – they literally bring people together. If you’re the person who gets to take the picture, you have some explaining to do. The standard when taking a picture is to do some type of count leading up to the taking of the picture. Most do a 1-2-3 type of thing. That’s pretty standard. But there are differences in the process. Most of us do the count (1-2-3) and THEN shoot (on what would be the count of 4). But about 20% of Americans, give or take, actually shoot on the “3”count. So, to alleviate any potential tension, simply explain how you are going to do your count before taking the pic. That’s what I do.

This explanation would also be encouraged if you ever find yourself participating in a firing squad.   

Apple

What do we do with the Adam’s Apple? Yeah, it’s that thing in your neck that you think sticks out but nobody notices it. I have no idea what it does, if anything. Whatever it does, it must do it well ‘cause we never hear of one going bad. Nobody ever gets it removed and I’ve never met anybody who’s on a waiting list for one. I’ve struggled at times with the name of this organ. I thought at first that maybe, in this age of equal rights, that, for a woman, it should be known as the “Eve’s Apple”.  Then I thought maybe it should be the “Eve’s Apple” for all of us. It was indeed Eve who first bit into the apple, right? So, why confuse people by calling it the Adam’s Apple? Or, do you get rid of the male/female thing altogether and just call it “the apple”?

As a lover of apples my vote (after much thought) would be to call it “Jonathan Apple” on men and “The Granny Smith” on women.  

Feel free to use this as a discussion topic at your family’s Thanksgiving table Thursday!

Sitting in the Nose Bleed Section

I heard today about a guy I know who recently had to leave a basketball game he was attending ‘cause his nose would not stop bleeding. The problem with nose bleeds is that most people think the bleeding started ‘cause you were picking your nose. Even if you weren’t doing that, people are going to think that. That’s just how people are. Well, there’s a simple solution to this. If you get one of these nose bleeds, you can always say that you were in a fight and you got belted. That usually works. 

If the bleeding continues, you’ll need to get yourself to either the ER or the Red Cross. Why the Red Cross, you ask? If your blood’s gushing out, the Red Cross should be willing to take it. Then they’ll stop calling you at dinner time to give blood.

On the other hand, one of the best ways to lose weight is to answer all those Red Cross phone calls during dinner. Try it. The phone call interrupts your meal and you eat less. It works! Just don’t lose so much weight that you can’t give blood ‘cause if you do they’ll stop calling you during dinner. It’s one of those vicious circles.    

How do you spell K-Cup?

We have a huge variety of K-Cups for our Keurig at work. They are displayed in a single layer in a nice flat basket. The other day I asked one of our trainees to arrange them, to put them in some type of order. That started a discussion – how do you put K-Cups in order? I suggested the following:

•          Alphabetical – that’s the obvious one. But there’s always the person who says, “You know I can’t spell before I have my coffee. I’ll never find my Folgers.”
•          By caffeine level – Espressos at one end and decaf at the other end. Would that go left to right or right to left?
•          Geographically – French Roast north of the Italian Roast, etc. Columbian south of the Costa Rican blends, etc. Everybody’s got a compass on their cell phone…
•          By popularity – Dunkin (formerly Dunkin Donuts) at one end, Kirkland (Costco) at the other.

Sorry Costco. But I’ve given you enough plugs over the years. (Did I mention that I’m a member?)