The Fall

We just got back from vacation. Unfortunately I took a fall running after a frisbee. It wasn’t a bad throw, but it kept drifting as only frisbees can do, and it drifted down a small hill where there were trees. While not taking my eye off the frisbee, I lost my footing and bounced off one tree into another, like a pinball in the Madame LaRue pinball machine. Fortunately I did not hit my head, but I have  some scrapes on my arms and legs. There were no stitches but my family thought it important to cover the cuts with large bandages.

I tried to get my family to sign the bandages but they said you have to have a cast to get autographs. And they didn’t like the idea of having to sign a new bandage each day I guess.   

Fake Sports News

I recently read about this professional wrestler who wrestled until he was 69 year old. Wow! Heck, I will be happy just to thumb wrestle at age 69. This guy also wrestled under multiple names. (Apparently this was common back in the day.) But, yeah, when you wrestle under multiple names, how does that work? Don’t people notice? Do you use a fake mustache and hope it doesn’t fall off? Apply fake tattoos and try not to sweat too much? Wear different colored shorts? Do you have to have all different wrestling moves for each character you play?

Wikipedia has write-ups on the various wrestlers. The write-ups list the various championships that each wrestler won, and, while that’s kind of a fun read, doesn’t Wikipedia realize that these matches were staged, that they were fake? Wake up Wikipedia!

Speaking of fixed outcomes, if I look up The Harlem Globetrotters, will Wikipedia tell me which games they “won”? I’m pretty busy with this blog and I don’t have time to do that but if someone could do that that’d be great.

People People

Do you ever meet people who claim they don’t like people?  I’ve known a guy for years who describes himself that way. To each his own, I guess. So last week, I met another guy who described himself as “not liking people”.  I naturally told this guy something like, “You need to meet this guy I know, ‘cause he doesn’t like people either”. Well, as soon as I said that, I felt pretty dumb, ‘cause, well, if they really don’t like people, they’re not going to like each other, even though they may have a lot in common. 

I walked away feeling pretty foolish. I don’t think the guy likes me.

$3.00 Car Wash

My car’s been kind of grimy, so when I saw a sign yesterday for a $3.00 car wash I turned in. That seemed too good to be true. I had never seen a car wash that cheap, so yeah, I had some questions:

•          Was this going to be a sponge bath?
•          Would they use soap?
•          If they used soap would I get a rinse?
•          Would I get a cream rinse?
•          Would I get stuck in the tube? (I always feared that as a child.)
•          Is there a track thing or do you just drive slowly through it?

Well, I went through it. For $3.00 you get a basic wash – they put you on this Henry Ford era assembly line of a track thing and basically it’s the soap, rinse and dry thing, and it actually happened in that order. Not bad for $3.00. They don’t do the interior, but the guy said you can go through the tube with your windows open if you want. For that option, you’ll want to wear your poncho he said.

As a bonus, your poncho will get cleaned as well.  

Foggy Notion

We’ve had more days of rain here and we’ve had some foggy mornings. Not as foggy as that old mosquito truck used to make it, but pretty foggy nonetheless. Have you ever heard weathermen who refer to fog as “Pea Soup” as in, “It’s pea soup out there!”? Have any of these weather people ever had pea soup? I doubt it too.

I think it’s time we come with some new soup phrases to describe fog. How about these for starters:

•          Bouillon Fog for a modest fog
•          Gazpacho Fog if it’s cold outside
•          Lipton Soup Fog if the fog happens in an instant
•          Chicken Soup for the Soul Fog if the fog is near a church

I forecast higher ratings for local news if you meteorologists can get creative on this.

Card Carrying Moms

Moms get a raw deal when it comes to baseball card collections. We often hear men say something like this: “Yeah, I had a great baseball card collection. I had Mickey Mantle. I had Willie Mays. I had Maris. But my mom got rid of them.”  If I had nickel for every time I heard a guy say that I’d, well, I’d probably go out and buy some baseball cards. Yeah, moms get blamed for the destruction of thousands of dollars of cards. Generations of moms have taken a lot of heat over this issue. Dads never get blamed.

Last week a woman at work explained why it’s always the moms who get blamed for this tragedy. She said it’s simple: moms are the ones who clean the house. So yeah, you guys traded Mickey Mantle for a clean bedroom. That’s worth two Mickey Mantles!