Love Cruise I

I have not done a good job of keeping up with the Mission Impossible movies. I've only seen some of the previews over the years. They always show that Tom Cruise guy running. Running running running. Well, Mr. Cruise and Mission Impossible may have finally met their match: the filming of Mission Impossible VII has been shut down due to the coronavirus. Yeah. We’re gonna have to wait a while for the movie to come out. That gives me a great idea for Mission Impossible VIII though: they should have Tom Cruise take on the virus. People would dig that…

Maybe during his hiatus Cruise can make an appearance in the new Love Boat movie. I hear that’s still afloat...

Reading to Dogs

We’re going to stay on a library theme this week. I drove by the library today and they were having signups for Reading to Dogs. Have you heard of this? Maybe it’s not new. Here are some select thoughts on this subject:

•          Why are there dogs in the library?
•          Won’t these dogs see this as a social event for themselves and ignore my reading?
•          Are these really old dogs ‘cause I would think the dogs would want to run around regardless of the quality of the book?
•          Do you get to choose the book, or does it have to be Clifford the Big Red Dog or Sounder or something? Could it be Dog Day Afternoon?
•          Is it OK to read in my cute dog voice?
•      Should we read in foreign languages? German (Shepherd)? French (Poodle)? Siberian (Husky)? Norwegian (Lapdog)? 

·         If nobody shows up to read can they do books on tape for these dogs? The library has lots of books on tape…

160 Pams

I was on our library web site today and noticed some things. They mention that they have drive-up book drops and that they are available 24 hours a day. Well, I have good news and bad news for you. The bad news is that I’ve been unknowingly dumping trash in that box the past 35 years. The good news is that the inside of my car is pretty clean. But if your kid’s book smells like burger kings it’s my fault.

The library also has 160 – that’s right, 160 – cake pans to lend out. That just seems like a lot to me. I realize maybe you do two at a time if it’s a layer cake but that’s still a lot of pans. I looked on Amazon, and I can buy a cake pan new for as little as $4. So I don’t get that. Maybe it’s a typo and they’re lending Pam. Maybe it’s pans and Pam.  

I hope people bring the pans back clean and don’t just toss them in the book drop.

A Brush in the Hand...

Has anybody seen the new commercial for the toothpaste that removes 10 years of plaque? It’s been on a lot lately. It may be a great product. But I’m not sure I like the commercial. Couldn’t a 9 year old kid see that commercial and figure something like, “Hey. I really don’t have to brush my teeth tonight ‘cause I can get rid of all the plaque when I’m 19”. Parents have to hate that commercial…

And they don’t tell you how long it takes to get rid of the 10 years of plaque. Is it one brushing? Or does it take 10 years to get rid of the 10 years of plaque in which case you would keep the plaque you already have and just not add any new plaque. Meh...

I wonder if they gave a plaque to the guy who invented this product?

King Mattress on President's Day

President’s Day mattress sales are upon us. If you need a new mattress now might be the time to check one out.  Have you ever noticed that they don’t have mattress sales over Martin Luther King Day?  It doesn’t work out – the advertising gets confusing and people think you can only buy King mattresses (mattri?).

I saw a commercial for 72 month interest free financing on a mattress. Seriously. So maybe the mattress would set you back, say, $500. That’s a monthly payment of $7. Not having to “lay out” the cash may help them sleep better but how do they know? It could be the new mattress.

Have you ever pretended to shop for a mattress and laid down on the demo while your wife shopped? I don’t do it often. Depends on how close the mattri are to the TV’s…

What the H?

Today we’re going to talk about the letter “h”. It’s fine to use the word “an” in front of a word that starts with an “h” if the “h” is silent. “An hour”, “An honest person”.  The one that puzzles me though is “an historical”. We see that a lot.  I’ve no idea why that’s done. We pronounce the “h” in “historical” so there’s no need for the “n” after the “a”…

The word “herb” is tricky. Apparently Americans do not pronounce the “h” but in Great Britain they do pronounce the “h". Who knew? It makes me want to go to Iceland and find out what they do halfway between. But that’s pretty far north and they may not have much herb…

If you’re an American reading this and your name happens to be Herb, I don’t think you need to change your pronunciation. I think this only applies to the plants…