Sooner or Late

On our vacation my wife and I drove through parts of Oklahoma where the speed limit was 80 miles per hour! 80! Wow! I didn’t go much over 80 but yeah, I went 80. 80! As in 250 miles in 3 hours. 1000 miles in 12 hours. Imagine driving that fast all the time. Heck, you’d never need to stay at a hotel on the way to places. You’d get there in one day. Man!

One of the great plusses of 80 mph is that nobody gets pulled over. You’d have to be going over 90 mph to get pulled over and the police aren’t ever gonna catch that guy. Does radar even go that high? Another plus is that you’re less likely to pick up hitchhikers.

There’s a downside. My phone now thinks I drive 80 miles per hour. So, for example, Google maps has us driving 500 miles in 6 hours. So now we’re always late for stuff. I gotta figure out the math on that.   

Left Holding the Bag

I saw a guy walking with a leash today but there was no dog. He was walking casually, so I don’t think it was a case of the dog escaping or anything. And just last week I saw a guy walking with a white bag – it looked like one of those “doggie bags” you take with you when you walk your dog.  It could have been a bag with some grocery item in it, but there were no stores (or restaurants) anywhere near where I saw this person. No, it was not the same person. And no, I haven’t seen a person walking with both the un-dogged leash AND a bag yet…

Is this a dog withdrawal therapy type thing maybe? The leash and/or the bag take the place of the dog when the dog’s not around anymore? 

If I go through this process someday I think I’ll choose the leash option. 

Gas, Food, Lodging

I took my wife to a restaurant in a small town in Missouri last week. It was the only eatery in the town where we were staying. It was the first place we’d been in for a long time that had a senior menu. Yeah, we qualified. Strangely, the senior menu was combined with the kid’s menu. You had to be under 10 or over 55. The senior/kids menu consisted of burgers, hot dogs, nuggets, grilled cheese - the usual children’s menu stuff. There was no senior food - no beets, no liver, no prunes. No fruitcake.  

So, like, is this a thing, this age group menu consolidation? If so, am I supposed to revert my tastes back to what they were as a child? I’m not looking forward to this age group lumping.

At least we didn’t get a toy with our meal.

The Other Derby

I have never been to a Roller Derby event, have you? I’d like to. I was out for a walk on vacation and stumbled across some Roller Derby women promoting their event.  They had a table set up downtown. They gave me a schedule and I’ve got it up on the wall behind my desk at work.

I’m told you have to be tough to do Roller Derby. How tough, you ask? Well, even though men hold most of the women’s track and field records, you NEVER see a man in Roller Derby. I think they’re afraid to try it…

I haven’t done the research on this, but I bet Roller Derby got a big boost when Sonic did away with their roller skating waitresses. Those talented women had to find somewhere to take their talents…

Planes, Hunger Pains, and Automobiles

 

My wife and I just took a great trip that involved flying and driving. Here are some observations from the trip:

• I saw the Red River and it is actually red. I don’t think it’s a plague or anything. But yeah, it made me thirsty for Barq's Red Cream Soda...
  
• When my luggage is being scanned at the airport, and I’m waiting for it to come out of the tunnel thing, I always get hungry for Quiznos. Thank goodness the conveyor belt at the airport is faster than the one at Quiznos. (I always felt more secure at Quiznos, knowing my sandwich had been scanned)…
• When I see the St. Louis Arch I still get hungry for McDonald’s. I don’t have time to look this up but I bet McDonald’s has a good share of the St. Louis fast food market…
• There’s no Carl’s Jr at Carlsbad Caverns. I didn’t go there but somebody told me that. Carl’s Jr should set up a theme park thing: Carl’s Jr Bad Caverns. I’d go to that…

Google Gurgle

 

I was dictating into my phone today. It was late morning. I had paused my dictation and was pondering my next words when my stomach gurgled. Yes, I was hungry. Amazingly, the phone heard the gurgle and typed a word. That word was “No”. No exclamation mark, no other words, just “No”.  Unlike “ET phone home” the message was not clear. Regardless, I am amazed that my phone could translate the sound. I have a friend who used to work at Radio Shack and I’m gonna ask him about it. 

I don’t think anyone (even the Radio Shack guy) understands what these smart phones are capable of. We’re probably just scratching the surface. Like, has anyone ever had their dog bark into their smart phone?

Tomorrow I’m gonna run around in the back yard and get the neighbor’s dog to bark. I can’t wait to see what he has to say.

Taking Sides

I had lunch with a friend the other day at an old favorite restaurant. The menu had been updated – the prices had been “updated” of course.  It was a nice, well laid out front and back menu. Each page had three columns. And it was laminated. We each ordered a burger. With the burger you get one side. Do you think either of us could find the sides on the menu? The waitress had to show us where the sides were – they were in the middle column on the back of the menu. I got the coleslaw; he got the fries.

But really. Who looks in the middle column of a menu for sides? Is it asking too much that the sides be on one of the (left or right) sides? I don’t care which. She said she’d bring it up to management…