Sweater Season

I attended a Christmas luncheon Friday where we were supposed to wear an ugly sweater. So yeah, I wore one. When I got in line for the buffet, a guy who wasn’t wearing an ugly sweater looked at me and said, “My wife doesn’t let me keep old clothes.” I did not have a quick response. In hindsight I could have said:

•          “Oh, this? This is new" (even though it was my father’s gray cardigan with the red trim).
•          “Oh, is this ugly sweater day? I didn’t realize.”
•          “It’s amazing how many people win ugly sweater contests who just wear what they consider regular clothes to the event.”

Later, the joke was on me when I still had the sweater on (it’s comfortable!) when I went to the grocery store. I ran into a guy I hadn’t seen in 15 years. In my excitement, I didn’t tell him that I had come from an ugly sweater luncheon. Based on my appearance, he may thought I was a bit down on my luck.

I must not have looked too bad – he did not offer to pay for my groceries.

 

New Words and Phrases for 2021!

Here is a first attempt at a list of new words or phrases for 2021. It's been quite a year.

1.          Mid–Derna – the four week period of time between your Covid vaccines.
2.          Kropons – coupons for Kroger. Why haven’t we seen this?
3.          E’d – I’m tired of typing out E-mailed. Aren't you?
   
4.          Absolomed  - to get your head caught in low hanging branches (like King David’s son Absolom). Believe me, you don't want this. And yeah, be careful hanging your outdoor Christmas lights.
   
5.          Cape Scrod – smaller version of a Cape Cod home
6.          Non-break out Rooms – Break out rooms for prison zoom calls

As we always say here at Uncle Tommy: Feel free to use these. Let's get 'em out there! 

Christmas "Time"

My wife got out the Christmas clock today. It plays a different Christmas Carol on each hour of the day.  Every year I say I’m going to memorize which song is played for each hour, but I never quite get around to it. Memorizing the tunes would be nice ‘cause then I wouldn’t have to look at the clock when the music started to see what time it was. That would save some time in the busy holiday season.

Ideally the carols would correspond to the time. For example:

•         12:00  The Twelve Days of Christmas
•         1:00  The First Noel
•         2:00  All I want for Christmas are my Two Front Teeth
•         3:00  I Saw Three Ships or maybe We Three Kings

You get the picture. But that makes too much sense. Actually, none of the above songs correspond to the hours noted. 

And no, the 12:00 song does not switch to Auld Lang Syne at midnight on the 31^st. Is that asking too much?