Birthday Rights

I had a contractor tell me the other day that it was his birthday and he had taken the day off so he wouldn’t be coming over that day. When did this type of thing become acceptable? Seriously, as adults, are we now allowed to use our birthdays as an excuse to not do stuff we’re supposed to do? What’s next? The half-birthday excuse? C’mon. Blow out some candles, eat some cake, go get a half-priced meal somewhere, listen to bad singing waitresses singing “Happy Birthday”, but please don’t stay home from work or other obligations ‘cause it’s your birthday.  

Actually, I do know what’s next. If their birthday is on a weekend, people will slide the birthday over the following Monday and take that day off. You watch. It’s coming. 

Canadian Thanksgiving

So, why have I been writing so much about turkeys this early in the autumn season you’re asking? Oh, you short-sighted Americans! Have you forgotten about our friendly neighbors to the north? They have Thanksgiving too, and they celebrate it on the 2^nd Monday in October. That’s next Monday! But instead of stealing our turkey idea, could you Canadians switch to Canada Geese as your Thanksgiving bird of choice? That’s a herd that could use some thinning and, frankly, you can keep them up there. We hear a lot of talk about keeping the Asian Carp out of the states, but can we get the Canada Geese out as well? Please...

Speaking of holidays, what’s up with Eastern Orthodox Easter always being a few weeks after our Easter? This has got to be great for Fanny Farmer and Russell Stover. They have somebody to buy the stale leftover Easter candy. Jawbreaker Peeps, anyone?

Wild Turkey II

Somewhere in our history classes we all (at least here in the states – hello international readers!) learned that the United States almost picked the wild turkey as out national bird instead of the bald eagle. And I’m told the vote was pretty close, like a 40-30 vote or something. I’m not a big bald eagle guy. Every time I see them at the zoo they’re going to the bathroom. (What do they feed them, the leftover concession stuff?) But when you put the eagle next to that skinny old wild turkey, well, there’s just no comparison. Would this country even be in existence today if we had chosen the turkey?

I’m really thankful for Squanto and his friends at that first Thanksgiving, but I want to hear about the guy who domesticated and fattened up the turkey. Thank goodness for him. I also wanna hear more about the guy who invented gravy. Yeah.

Wild Turkey

Wild turkeys are making a huge comeback around here. They were extremely rare a few years ago. Now they’re everywhere. To me, they’re not pleasant to look at and I can’t imagine eating one. They look really old. I’m sure the pilgrims were hungry when they got off The Mayflower, and I appreciate what Squanto did and all at that first Thanksgiving. I really do. But, looking at these birds, I gotta think that the corn and the squash and the beets (did the Native Americans have beets?),and maybe the sweet potatoes were better than that old wild turkey. Oh, and the rolls. I forgot about the rolls. And those birds were so skinny there was probably hardly any stuffing. Do you think Squanto had cranberries?

Heck, I might even eat kale before I’d eat that old wild turkey.

Gimme Some Skin

Remember potato skins? Yes, you can still get them in some places. Now, there are some serious calories. And they are served as appetizers! Whoah! Put on some cheese, some sour cream, a little bacon, I’m not sure what else. That stuff’s all good for you, right? Oh, and then eat your meal afterwards. And we wonder why we’re a little overweight.

I think maybe these skins are made from the baked potato skins left on people’s plates at restaurants. Gross, I know. But, unless we work in the kitchen at the restaurant, we really don’t know, do we? If your potato skins come with a little tin foil on the bottom, I guess you know the answer. Always check.

Korean Forefinger Fighting

I had a friend in college who was really good at Korean Forefinger Fighting (KFF). What is KFF, you ask? That’s when you cram yourself into a bus seat where there are already two guys sitting and start a forefinger fight with the guy in the window seat and you both pummel the poor guy between you with forefinger pokes while pretending to be mad at each other. The guy in the middle pretty much takes a beating but it’s all in fun. And it’s a great way to meet people. My friend perfected his KFF while riding on some long bus trips in college. I always made sure I got a window seat when he was around!   

Maybe next time Trump meets with Kim Jong-Un he could break the tension with some KFF. I’d pay to see that.