Seniors Say the Darndest Things

Readers ask me from time to time why I don’t put my picture at the top of each post like newspaper writers do on their columns. Well frankly, it is tough being recognized all the time. Take this guy for instance: A famous local celebrity and his wife were at a local nursing home recently to visit her mother. The man waited in the lobby while his wife took care of some business matters in the office. While he sat there, an older man who resided there kept staring at him from across the room. The celebrity acknowledged the man and smiled. The older man continued to stare. Finally, the celebrity walked across the room, smiled at the older man, and asked him very kindly, “Do you know who I am?” The older man continued to stare silently. Finally he answered, “No, I don’t know who you are. But there’s a woman at the desk over there who can tell you who you are.”

Hot Time in the Old Township

We live in a suburb surrounded by townships. Each township has a volunteer fire department. These tend to be great groups of guys and gals who enjoy helping people. A couple of years ago one of the townships had a training exercise where they set an abandoned house on fire and the firemen then come and extinguish it.  Well, the fire was lit, and soon the house was engulfed in flames, all Halloween orange. They let the fire get going really well before the firemen arrived. The firemen arrived and the flames were almost out when the trainer got a call asking why they hadn’t started the fire yet. It turns out they had burned the wrong house. True story! I never heard the details whether the house they burned was inhabited or not, but I don’t think there were any deaths at least.

Hey, it could have been worse maybe. I wonder if firemen have ever arrived on the scene and hosed somebody down who had requested medical treatment. I’ve not heard of this happening but I bet it’s happened somewhere. Please write to us here at Uncle Tommy if this has happened to you.

Member of the Club

Classic car shows are fun. And they are everywhere. We used to have one in town at our local Wendy’s. It was a nice effort but the classic cars really took up most the parking spots and there were only a few spots left for us regular folks. Couples would drive by the place and have conversations like this: “Hey Ted, there’s Wendy’s. Let’s stop by for one of those juicy burgers and some sea salt fries!” “I don’t think we can Madge. There’s a classic car show there, and our car’s a little old. They might assume that we think our car is “classic” and we’re trying to be part of the show.” Awkward, I know…

That reminds me of when I used to volunteer to sing with a group at a nursing home. We would stick around afterwards and talk with the residents, which was a nice touch. But you never wanted to be the last guest to leave, ‘cause they might try to put you in a room. 

If a singles group met at a Wendy’s would it be known as a Wendy’s Single Group?

Time and Temp

It’s been a warm September, hasn’t it? Speaking of temperature, remember when banks had those signs up that provided us the time and the temperature?  What was up with those? By the time you got to the bank, it was too late to find out the temperature. (“Oh, it’s 11 degrees out? Man, I wish I would have known that before I left home without my jacket!”) And everybody already had the time right on their wrist. (“Oh good, there’s a bank. Now I don’t have to look at my watch!”) Maybe something along the lines of on-line banking/time and temperature would be helpful…

Have you ever been on the freeway and you drive by an exit and you see signs for hotels with numbers lit up on them advertising the price of a room? Have you ever thought that the number was the temperature? Well I’ve done that too! If you only drive by that exit once in a while it’s easy to make that mistake, isn’t it? Finally, about your seventh time or so by there you think (hopefully to yourself), “Why is it always 39 degrees at the Econolodge?” Don’t’ feel bad. We’ve all done it…

The Legendary Book Hog

I attended our library’s book sale over the weekend and, as usual, it was packed. The library sells old books, movies and music that they don’t want any more. It’s $5 per bag of books - a great deal. In the past I’ve gone to this sale with my wife. I always say the same thing kind of loudly to her at the sale each year. “Honey, we could have borrowed these books for free last week. Now we have to keep them.” That always gets a few laughs. 

Well, apparently we have this guy who comes to the sale each year and buys every history book on the table. This upsets people ‘cause they like to buy history books. He arrives early and lurks outside until they open the doors. I spoke to our librarian about him and she acknowledged that he exists. She thinks he has a used book store somewhere. She said they’re trying to find a way to stop him but they haven’t figured out how. I suggested a large box trap with some Time-Life books as bait. She said they may try that next year.

The Voice

My wife and I were out of town last week and stayed at a nice hotel. When we checked in, I noticed that the elevator had a nice woman’s voice to tell you what floor you were on and what direction the elevator was going. (To clarify, I’m not certain that she was a nice woman but she was a woman with a nice voice. Big difference!) The next morning I decided to go out for a brisk morning walk while my wife stayed in the room. I got on the elevator and was greeted by the screechiest voice you’ve ever heard, like a parrot who had perhaps been injured in some manner. “Going Down”, she said. I quickly looked around to see who else was on the elevator. There was no one but me. I got to the lobby and was going to mention it to the woman at the desk, but she was on the phone, and I did not feel this was something that was worth waiting around to tell someone about, nor did I want the desk woman to think that it concerned me enough to wait around to report. So, I took the walk, came back, took the elevator back to my floor, and the voice was normal so I kind of forgot about it.

I’m still curious as to what it was. Could this have been the ghost of a woman who used to operate the elevator in that building? A ghost of a parrot who perhaps had died in the building?  Maybe the hotel was trying to scare me into not returning because I had eaten too much at the breakfast buffet. Has this ever happened to you?