Roll Over, Chuck Barris

Two famous Chucks died last week: Chuck Berry and Chuck Barris. They died within 3 days of each other. Have two celebrities with such similar names ever died so close to each other? Could somebody look that up? 

Singer-guitarist Chuck Berry was famous first. Barris came along later as the host of “The Gong Show”, a talent show where they banged a gong when they wanted you to stop performing. Berry HAD to have hated Barris, right? I mean, Berry already had the name, and he wasn’t exactly known as a kind, loving guy. Plus, people, not many, but probably a few, showed up at his concerts thinking they were going to see some version of “The Gong Show” with Chuck Barris, and instead they get this old Chuck Berry guy singing “Johnny B. Goode”. And they probably yelled out “Hey! Gong this guy! Next act!” Berry no doubt hated that.

I think I’ll go out and host a game show and call myself George Cloonis. It doesn't seem fair, does it?   

Ball of Fame

I heard something on TV the other day about the Toy Hall of Fame in Rochester. Now, I’m not here to rip on Rochester. It’s a great city that’s had to overcome a lot with the loss of Kodak and all. There are a lot of smart people in Rochester. But this toy place sounds like one of those museums that cities fight to get but eventually the cities end up having to support them with tax dollars.

The guy on TV said that one of the recent honorees of the toy museum was the ball. That’s right. A ball. So yeah, they’ve got a ball exhibit there. Now, this is not something I can get too excited about, especially for a $19.50 admission price. I’m not sure I’m gonna drive all the way to Rochester for that.

But maybe I’m missing something here. Could you maybe take your kid to see the balls and then NOT have to take them to Baseball or Football or Basketball Halls of Fame? “Dad, can we go to Cooperstown to the Baseball Hall of Fame?” “Whataya mean, Timmy, I took you to see those balls in Rochester already. C’mon!” 

Hmm. Maybe they’re onto something…

Threemail

Have you ever sent an email containing three or four questions and the recipient responds but only addresses one of the questions? That’s irritating, isn’t it? So, after you get their response you have to ask again. You never know if they didn’t answer it ‘cause they didn’t read the whole thing, or maybe they didn’t know all the answers or they chose for some reason to intentionally not answer all the questions. Do they have some incredibly short attention span that they can’t address more than one question?

I actually had someone tell me once that one way of mitigating this situation is to ask only one question per email. Yeah. I can’t believe he said it either. Wait. What? You gotta be kidding me. We are adults here. Yeah right, let’s just triple our number of emails. We have cars that drive themselves but we can’t answer an email containing more than one question?  

The solution may be to create “Threemail”, a new concept which would tell the receiver up front that they are receiving emails with at least three questions that need to be answered. Works for me!

Civic Pride

There was an article in the paper last week about people in California finding an abandoned Honda Civic along a highway. The car had two calves in it. That’s right. Calves, as in cows. The calves were OK but neither the owner of the car or the driver could be found. So yeah, we’re waiting for an explanation of why this happened. We here at Uncle Tommy have tried to figure it out and have come up with these possibilities:

•          Someone maybe confused leg room with calf room. Probably a translation error – California has lots of people who are new to the US and are still learning the language.
•          Someone wanted to drive in the “Commuter Lane” and you can’t do that out there unless you have a passenger. And maybe one calf wouldn’t come without the other?
•          Some weird “Automo-veal” concept? People are sick…
•          Cattle Drive – some newbie cowpoke’s idea of moving veal to market

My personal theory here is that Honda was secretly promoting the interior room of its Civic model. These are the types of statistics and features which are whispered in the dark corners of the dealer showroom but never quite make it into the brochures. I have to admit that this will likely come to my mind next time I’m car shopping. We’ll see if Toyota tries to one up them and get three into a Corolla. Stay tuned...

Old Flavorites

I’m not a big ketchup guy. I, like former President Obama, prefer mustard. And I like that you can get a million varieties of mustard. Ketchup is the opposite. It’s like goat cheese. There’s only one type. Apparently it wasn’t always that way. Heinz advertises that they used to have 57 varieties. They advertise that right there on their ketchup bottle. That must’ve been nice to have all those choices. I would have spent a lot of time in the condiment aisle deciding what flavor of ketchup I’d buy. But yeah. To promote what you used to have when you don’t have it anymore is strange. Heinz needs to stop reminding us of what they used to be.

To put this rather odd marketing technique into perspective, let’s do an ice cream comparison. What if Baskin-Robbins cut back to one flavor, but they advertised themselves as “Baskin-Robbins' 31 flavors“? You’d be pretty disappointed wouldn’t you? And no, that flavor could not be Neapolitan.  And no sugar cone option neither.

Would they still give samples?   

New Word Order

I recently stumbled across a list of new words for 2016. The list included:

•          Niblings – A person’s nieces and nephews.  Wow. This was much needed. I can’t believe we went so long without that word.
•          Definotly – Definitely not. Nice. I like it.

Here’s some I would like to suggest for this year (Yes. I know it’s early…):

•          Mojis – When you use the smiley face things in a hand written note as opposed to an email or text
•          Flavorites – favorite flavors. Yum!
•          EWOL – When a person does not respond to repeated emails or texts.
•          Drive-Flu  – When you get your flu shot through a pharmacy drive-thru window.
•          Clarinut – That clarinetist who bends from side to side just a little too much when she (or he) performs.
•          Urigate – what your dog does to your back yard (Let them think that they are helping ‘cause it sure beats the indoor alternative)
•          Onhand – Not an offhand remark, more of a prepared response
•          Ring Toe – The fourth toe, between the pinky and the middle toe
•          Mapkin – using the map in your car as a napkin when you eat and drive
•          McBib – Has McDonald’s invented this yet? Why not?
•          Cloxting – Usually after a time change, when you try to change the time on your car's clock while driving

Go ahead and use 'em. Don't wait for the official announcement. Let's get 'em out there.