Bus Races

Continuing in our summer transportation series, have any of you readers ever been to one of those figure 8 school bus races? I went to one many years ago with my kids. It was entertaining but not quite what I expected. First of all, there were no kids on the buses. (I think maybe my kids thought that they were gonna have to ride.) Secondly, the buses do not collide. I had expected some high speed collisions or at least some near misses at the center intersection. No. The race seemed to mainly consist of buses stopping at the intersection and then going through the gears to get going again, only to have to stop at the intersection again.  If I recall correctly, no bus ever passed another bus.

At least the bus did not cross any railroad tracks where they have to stop and open the door and look down the tracks for a train. I always wondered: what if the train was coming from the left?

The Onion

I have no issues with onions as a pizza ingredient. I like a pizza with sausage, green pepper and onions. Or pepperoni, green pepper and onions. Or sausage, pepperoni, green pepper and onions. Or… well, you get the idea. But, what’s with having to pay for the onions? They’re onions! They come free with everything else. You don’t pay for onions in your hash browns or on your hamburger or hot dog. Or your chili mac. The typical pizza joint charges the same for onions that they charge for pepperoni, ham, or bacon. But hey, they’re just onions. You can get a 20 lb bag of onions at Costco for, what, four bucks or something? This has been going on too long.

Have you ever reached into your refrigerator produce drawer for an apple and accidentally got an onion and you didn’t realize it was an onion until you bit into it? I haven’t done that, but if you have, share your experience with us here at Uncle Tommy. We’d love to hear about it.  

Meat & Greet

Have you ever had a meat salesman come to your door? We did once. It was on a busy Friday night about 6PM. The doorbell rang and there was this sales guy standing there. Since I was hungry (hangry maybe?) I let him in. He talked a good line. His briefcase was full of steaks, chops, a roast, you name it. He showed me the meat in this scrapbook like thing with plastic pockets. It was a beautiful demonstration - the sales pitch was working on me. Think about it: is there a better approach than to bring meat to someone’s house at 6PM when they’re probably in there eating Sugardale hot dogs or Tuna Helper?  My chance to score on this meat all came crashing down when somehow our dog got loose and started to go after the scrapbook. That got my wife’s attention and she said that it was time to go to the football game. So the meat guy had to leave.

The Meat Man never came back. But even to this day, when I hear that doorbell ring, I salivate. Just a little.  

The Popemobile

I read somewhere recently that a used Popemobile was sold in Europe to a private individual. I had thought there was only one Popemobile but it turns out they’re all over. (I bet Cuba has one built on a ’58 Chevy.) The Popemobile of course is that vehicle with the bullet proof glass shower stall built on the back for the pope to ride in. He sits in there and waves to people. One of its features is that it can typically go up to 160 MPH.

So yeah, I think it’d be cool to own a Popemobile. I can think of many uses for it:

1.       Pace car for the Indianapolis 500. No one would cheat ‘cause, well, it’s the Popemobile.

2.       Political candidates driving around town – good exposure. People would take notice.

3.       Homecoming parades – You gonna vote against the Popemobile?

4.       Speeding – No cop’s gonna pull over a Popemobile!

5.       Toll free driving – See #4

6.       Food Truck Communion

7.       Uber – pick people up and drive around really fast ‘cause you know you won’t get pulled over.

You’d make all the lights. It’s the Popemobile.

Garage Cleaning

This is the time of year when we all need to clean out our garages. So, yeah, you move everything thing out onto your driveway: cars, golf clubs, bikes, mower, snow blower, scooters – anything that’s not hung on the wall. Then your options are to use the leaf blower and blow out all the dirt, or, you can hose the whole thing down. Hosing is the Phase II approach. Having said that, blowing, the Phase I approach, can be very effective. We know a guy who used to clean his apartment that way.

There comes a point in time when you just have too much in your garage. How do you know when you’ve reached that level? We here at Uncle Tommy’s Select Thoughts think we have that answer. That point would be when, during a Phase I or II cleaning, you have all of your stuff out in the driveway and people stop over and try to buy it, thinking of course that it’s a garage sale of some sort. Also, if you clean your garage on garbage day and the garbage men try to take stuff from your driveway, you need to re-evaluate what you’re keeping.

Truthfully, how many Frisbees do you really need?  

Stall Tactics

I grew up in a time when a lot of people smoked. And they would smoke everywhere. You could smoke in church even. (Well, not in the sanctuary.) Kids would try to smoke in the bathrooms in school. There was a men’s room on the second floor of the high school which seemed to be the smokers’ favorite place to smoke. I had nothing against these guys – they were nice guys who just needed a smoke. In all fairness, the teachers’ smoking lounge was three doors down and there was always smoke rolling out of that door. So, the kids would go in a stall, close the door and light up. Soon there would be a knock on their stall door from the hall monitor at which time they would flush the cigarette down the toilet. But they’d get caught ‘cause the smoke.

I would have liked to have been at the disciplinary discussions. “So you’re asking me if I put my butt in the toilet. I can’t believe you’re asking me that!” I sometimes miss high school…