Every Picture Towels a Story

Yesterday I was in a restroom in a building I rarely visit. After washing my hands I approached the paper towel dispenser. There was a picture on the front of the unit providing instructions as to how to get paper towels out. I interpreted the picture as indicating that there was a motion detector in the unit and I just needed to wave my hands to get the paper towel. So I waved my hands around for a few seconds hoping after a few waves that the other men in there with me weren’t watching. But the towel would not come out.  Eventually another guy had to dry his hands. He used the dispenser down by sink #4 and simply pushed the lever underneath the dispenser to get his towel.  So I had to tell him I was trying to loosen up my sprained wrist. 

Get the picture? 

Wedding Ball

 

I’ve been told I need to be “more positive” in my attitude regarding the Travis Kelce / Britney Spears engagement announcement. Hey, I’ve got nothing against these people. They have every right to get married.  I just don’t think it’s front page stuff. I don’t pay that much attention to it…

Now we’re hearing that Britney might do the halftime show at this year’s Super Bowl. Wouldn’t that be something? But they need to take it to the next level. I want to see them get married at the Super Bowl halftime show. Hopefully (for them) Kansas City will be in the Super Bowl…

But an even cooler event would be to get Brittney and Travis into one of those state farm commercials with Patrick Mahomes, the coach, and that out of tune State Farm guy.

Wait, let’s ramp it up even further! Let’s have them get married on the State Farm commercial. That way we can see it 20 times every game. Premier it during the Super Bowl. More people watch the commercials during the Super Bowl than the halftime show anyway. I’m positive!

Circulation Issues

Sorry for not posting anything lately. I've been on vacation and been out of circulation Speaking of circulation, the library in the neighborhood where I grew up is closing. The excuse they're giving is that the building is not on a main road and people can't find it. Seriously. So, I'm wondering if it's a case of people going there and borrowing books and then not being able to find the library to return them maybe? The library has been there for like 100 years; for people to say now that it's difficult to locate seems like a stretch...

So, if you know a library is closing, shouldn't it be everyone's goal to take books out now before it closes? Because if the library closes, you don't have to take them back, right? Christmas is just around the corner, folks...

Islands in the Stream.

What’s with the places that call themselves something island and they're not an island? Is that legal? I don’t think King’s Island is an island. Rhode Island is not an island, is it? Coney Island is on an island but it’s not an island itself. Confusing, isn’t it? How many people don’t visit these places because they don’t think they’re accessible by car? When’s the last time you went to Rhode Island?

Rock Island Illinois is not an island; but it’s named after an island. Wait. What’? If you have enough influence and power to name a city, and you want to name it after an island, maybe you should just move to the island instead of naming an innocent midwest city something island, causing people to plan vacations there and bring their boats and bathing suits and stuff. .

Just move to the island. If it’s really an island…

Initial Thoughts

We’ve only had a few presidents who are known by their initials. I think of FDR, LBJ and JFK. Maybe TDR. But was Teddy known as TDR when he was alive? JFK and LBJ were consecutive. That of course ended with Nixon, who was never known as RMN. A lot of people think Obama’s middle initial was “O” but the “O” is actually part of his last name. And we now have RFK Jr hanging around the Whitehouse, but he’s not president.

The sitting favorite to be our next president is JD Vance. If elected, will he be known as JDV? I mean, he already uses the two of the three initials, so he’s two thirds of the way there. Come to think of it, why can’t a vice president be an initial guy?

JDV looks like a roman numeral, but it’s not. It would be really cool if a president’s initials were the roman numeral of the number president he was. For instance, someone with the initals LVI could be US president #56. I bet that happens in our lifetime…  

Playing all the Hit(ler)s

I keep hearing these ads on Sirius radio for its Elvis station. The ads promote something called “Elvis week at Graceland”. Curious. What do they call the other 51 weeks? Have they turned the memory of Elvis into a groundhog-like figure who only comes out once a year and if he sees his shadow maybe he sings or moves his hips or something?

Elvis typically gets celebrated on the anniversary of his death. How would you like that day to be your birthday? Nobody would celebrate ‘cause they’re all mourning Elvis. Bakery scene: “Sorry, we don’t have any regular cakes today. Do you want an Elvis cake?”

Hitler died on what became my birthday but fortunately nobody celebrates the anniversary of his death. He doesn’t even have his own Sirius radio station.  

Gluten Free?

I saw a sign along the road in a wooded area on our recent trip. The sign read “Gluten Free Food Truck”. There was no indication on the sign what kind of food the truck was selling other than the fact that the food was gluten free. No indication if it was burgers, vegetarian, ribs, etc. The truck was back in the woods and you had to drive down a lane to get to it. But there appeared to be quite a few cars around it.

So, is gluten free that much of a “thing”, that people would go there without knowing if it’s pork or beef or chicken? Was I seeing the future?

Maybe there had been a branch hanging over the sign covering the word “Gluten” prior to my driving by it. I bet that was it. It was kinda breezy that day…

Jack and Jill in the John

When you have the side by side sinks in your bathroom at home they're called "Jack & Jill" sinks, right? If you only have one sink, which one is it, a Jack or a Jill? And why the names Jack and Jill? If I go to Lowe's and ask for a Jack, they're gonna direct me to the automotive section.  Why not Dick and Jane? Ozzie and Harriet? Donald and Melania?  And if we give our bathrooms names, they're always John. We use the term "Powder Room" sometimes, but, to my knowledge, we never give it an actual female name.

In this age of equality, how has this not been addressed? Since we have Jane Doe and John Doe I think the name Jane would be appropriate. 

I'm torn between "Jane" and the former actress Jill St. John. I bet she took a lot of kidding back in the day.

Uncle Tommy Tune

 The tunes on the new washers and dryers announcing the end of the cycle keep getting longer don’t they? I swear I heard one with a second verse recently. I like to put words to the new tunes. Try it. It’s fun, and it gives you something to do when you’re matching socks.

But why do we limit these tunes to washers and dryers? Why not try them on other appliances?

•             The toaster – That butter spreads a lot better on toast fresh out of the toaster.
•   The toilet – Lets you know it’s not running continuously like that one time. And you’d get a different tune for each toilet.

Just don’t have any of your appliances or bath room fixtures play “Turkey in the Straw”. I still run out the front door looking for the ice cream man when I hear that song.

What the H?

Do you ever run across people who abuse the a/an rule? The rule traditionally calls for the use of a if the next word in the sentence starts with a consonant and to use an if the next word starts with a vowel. Of course, like anything in the English language, there are exceptions and sometimes, dare I say abuses of this rule. If the next word, for instance, starts with a silent consonant, it’s proper to use the word an. An example of this would be the word “honor” where the h is silent. “It was an honor to receive the reward.”

There appears to be some confusion on this subject. Too often, for instance, we see the an in front of the word “history”. Somebody out there must think that H is (sometimes?) a vowel, or they think that the H in history is silent.

I blame this confusion on popular actress Anne Hathaway. That name messes people up.

All You Need is Love's

 

Well, it turns out today is National Hot Dog Day.  Why did I not know this? Unknowingly, I had pizza. But, yeah, there are specials running across the country. Here are some samples:

•           7 – Eleven – If you’re a member of their Speedy Rewards Loyalty program, you can get a hot dog for just $2. Gosh, 7 – Eleven, what do you normally charge?
• Circle K – You get 2 hot dogs for $1 but they're off the roller grill thing. At this point, I’m leaning Circle K
• Shake Shack – 2 hot dogs for $8.  And you gotta buy 2.  If they’re $4 apiece, they must be so big I wouldn’t be able to eat 2. No thanks.
• Love’s – Hot Dogs are free if you have the app. Free. Is there any doubt here? I know we’ve been pretty hard on Love’s lately here at UT but this is too good to pass up.

Call ahead and make sure you get a bun with the hot dog but Love's sounds like a pretty good deal. Love will find a way.