Cruel Fool

I talked to a woman at work today whose husband had called her this morning and told her a tree had fallen on their house. She was a mess. After a couple of minutes he told her "April Fool!" By then she was in tears and beside herself. 

Folks, this is not how April Fool’s should go. He caught her off guard. They are newlyweds. Regardless, she should have been ready. An apt response would have been: “Oh honey, I secretly hated the appearance of our house from the front. When we repair, can we add on that second floor that I’ve always dreamed of?” That would have taught that dude...

She would then go on some more about her dream second floor but that’s another story.    

 

A Fine Mess

I have a past due library book. I borrowed it last month. They let me have it for two weeks, then they auto renewed it for 2 more weeks.  Four weeks have passed and I still haven’t finished it so they gave it to me for a third 2 week period. (I know what you’re thinking: Uncle Tommy reads like one page per day. I know. Well, you try running this blog and having any time for leisure. Maybe if you were running this blog you wouldn’t even have taken out the library book.)

The other odd aspect here is libraries (well, at least our library) have done away with fines. So, like, where’s my incentive to return my book? As an author, I love this. Nobody’s gonna return a book to the ‘brary, so you’ll have to buy it now if you want to read it. More money to the author.

But with no fines, what am I gonna do with all my spare change? 

 

Uncle Tommy in the Middle

I am in that yet to be named period of time between vaccinations. Nobody’s named this period yet. It will be one of the new words of 2021 when it makes its appearance. I’m sure other people have tried to name it; I’ve struggled. Here are some attempts:

•          Mid-vax – Lacks pizazz.
•          Midland – Midville – Middling – Fair to middling? Meh
•          The Median? The Happy Medium Period? Maybe
•          At Half Mask – I like the sound of that but it’s not correct. I’m still at full mask.
•          Between Two Vaccines – sounds like a TV show (ferns)
•          Middle V – Has kind of a musical feel 
•      Malcolm in the Middle - Works if your name is Malcolm
  

When I look up the word “middle”, google gives me “finger”. Nah. That’s not what we’re going for here. I guess I’m going with the following:

·         Mid–Derna

I’m between Moderna shots; therefore I’m mid-derna. Like I said, I’ve struggled with this. Let’s see if this catches on.

 

Lo Rod

Well, Meghan and Harry aren’t the top couple in the news anymore. At least not in the US. No.  J. Lo and Arod have announced that their engagement is over. Or is it? (Good thing they didn’t buy the Mets, I guess.) So yeah, Meghan and Harry have been pushed to page 2. So, don’t you think it’s time for Jennifer and Alex to get interviewed by Oprah? I do! Only in this episode, let’s give Oprah more than the supposed neutral role she had with the Harrys. Let’s make her work a little bit. Let’s give Oprah the challenge of bringing Jen and Alex back together. Wouldn’t that make it more interesting? I’d watch that!

Why would any of them do this? Money! Yeah. Pay Alex enough to lure him away from his job at ESPN. Dude’s terrible.

 

Host Guest

Since Alex died, we’ve seen a run of guest hosts on Jeopardy ranging from Ken Jennings (great guy-weak voice) to Katie Couric (former Today Show co-host). Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers is scheduled to be a future host. Crazy! Here are some other potential hosts we’d like to suggest:

·         Matt Lauer – Wasn’t he the more appealing co-host on Today? America’s a forgiving nation.

·         Mike Pence – Remember him?

·         Terry Bradshaw – The second smartest quarterback?

·         Harry – He’s on a roll!

·         Mrs. Trump – Has she even written a book yet? C’mon! Get with it! Mother’s Day is coming…

·         Tiger Woods – America’s a forgiving nation.

·         Ellen – I hear she dances

·         Governor Cuomo – Available. America’s a forgiving nation

Will Cuomo get interviewed by Oprah?