Dark Meat Post

 I’m sure you read or heard about the theft of 100,000 brown eggs from a farming operation in Pennsylvania last month. The eggs had a street value of $40,000.  To my knowledge the thief(s) has/have not been caught. One would think it would be pretty easy to catch this person/people when he/she/they try(s) to fence the brown eggs…

Funny, just two or three weeks after the eggs got stolen, Colonel Sanders and KFC are making a run for Texas. Coincidence? You decide. A man of his stature likely has the wherewithal to hatch these eggs. I’m sure he has the technology.

Since these were brown eggs, let’s see if, in the near future, KFC starts running some specials on dark meat. Yeah.

Restaurant Column

 

I like to read the restaurant inspections in the paper. The inspection results fall into two categories: those without violations and those with violations. It’s pass-fail. Often the “violation” is something along the lines of “The lettuce in the refrigerator was stored below the ground beef”.  Or, “There was a bucket in the hand washing sink.” Or, “Cheese did not have an expiration date.” These “violations” don’t bother me, unless of course the bucket in the sink had chicken in it, I suppose. If the bucket in the sink is at a KFC I’m probably not going there…

What bothers me is that these minor violators get thrown in the same column with restaurants with the serious violations: the mold, the slime, rats, and the insect infestations. C’mon. Don’t we need a middle column?

To be fair to those restaurants in the rat and insect violation category, at least the rats and bugs were attracted to the food. There were no reports of rats or bugs leaving a restaurant. I guess that would be a fourth column.

Pulled Chicken

 

KFC, formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken, just announced that it is moving its headquarters from Louisville Kentucky to Plano Texas. Too bad for Louisville. KFC was founded there and had always been there. I bet a lot of people eat KFC during the Kentucky Derby. I don’t, but I bet people do.

I don’t know what this means for the Colonel. I’ve always pretty much thought of the Colonel as a Civil War era guy. I mean, they don’t ever show him driving a tank or being in ‘Nam or anything. Kentucky was a border state in the Civil War. I’m thinking the Colonel might have been a Yankee. There was more population in the north and he could sell more chicken there. If he’s gotta move to Texas, and if the Texans think he was a Yankee, I’m afraid of what might happen to him.  

Nice knowin' ya, Colonel. I hope they don't give you a lickin' down there. 

(I know this is 20/20 hindsight, but if Kentucky had made the chicken its state bird, KFC would never have left.)

  

Valentine Violation!

 

I was in one of the most pleasant places in the world earlier this week. Where is that, you ask? I’ll tell you where! It’s the Valentine card aisle at the Hallmark Shop a couple of days before Valentine’s Day. Watching people pick out cards and seeing smiles light up their faces is a beautiful thing. It’s people showing their good sides. It’d be a great place to meet your potential spouse if the people there weren’t already in love…

Oh, but then I got to the cashier. I gave her my Valentine card and she looked down at it, obviously reading the front of the card. And then she opened it! Come on! Is there no privacy left in the world? What a violation. Then she told me she liked the card. Like, did I really think she was going to tell me she didn’t like the card?

I guess next year I’m going to buy my card someplace where they have self-checkout. I’ll go to Dollar Tree for my card. I don’t care if the envelopes don’t fit or the poems don’t rhyme.

(It's a) Nice Day for a White Wig

Sunday’s post touched on the white wigs worn in court in years gone by. I looked up white court wigs on line, and there were multiple sites selling them. There’s quite a market for them apparently. They range in price from $10.79 to $2,082.79. I should note that the second one had free delivery. The $10.79 model offers a money back guarantee if returned within 90 days. So yeah, that’s the one I would buy. Just ship it back after the party. The $2,082.79 model had better be somebody famous’s hair, like Betty White or Henry Clay or somebody…

So, do attorneys get together and wear these wigs at parties? Is it some secret society? Who's buying these?

Why hasn’t someone invented the white wig hat? That’d be kind of cool, I would think. Get the white wig look and keep your head warm at the same time. Dispense some justice out on the driveway when you’re shoveling snow…

Hair Apparent

 

One of my sons got summoned for jury duty last month. I try not to be a helicopter parent or grandparent; my kids do just fine without me butting into their lives. (Besides, I spend most of my time on this blog – you readers are a demanding lot!) But I couldn’t resist throwing some advice his way. I told him that, as a juror, he didn’t have to wear one of those George Washington type white wigs in court. He probably knew that, but he thanked me for the advice. That made me feel good as a parent...

The wig advice got me thinking: there’re quite a few museums around the country that have a lock or two of what they claim is Washington’s hair on display. I’m guessing his barber kept it over the years and sold it. Unless George or Martha were selling it. Like, maybe, Martha was cleaning the shower drain and thought, “Hey, this might be worth something someday…”

I bet some of these hairs displayed at the museums are hairs from his wig. Next time I’m on a tour at the Smithsonian I’m gonna ask…

Low Priority Male

 

Sorry I haven't posted  lately. I've been busy. I ordered two items online before Christmas. Neither has arrived. I called one of the companies to find out what was going on and they told me they don’t have online ordering. They amazingly took the charge off my credit card. OK, I said. No harm done, I guess…

The second company just sent me an email yesterday (February 5^th!) saying that the majority of their shipping department had been sick, and that absenteeism had caused a delay in getting my package shipped. Now I dread receiving the package – it’s been handled by sick people!

So, like, do I have to disinfect the package when it gets here? Do I disinfect what’s inside the package as well? Do I call UPS and tell them I might be getting a germ covered package, and can they leave it by the curb and not bring it near the house? And how many days do I leave it out by the curb?  

And make sure they don’t put it out there on garbage day. So yeah, I've been busy...