“How ‘Bout a Little More Coffee Over Here, Bernice?”

Have you ever gone to an event where you get one of those sticky name tags and you forget to take it off after the event?  And then you stop on the way home at a carryout or somewhere and you go in and the cashier greets you by name? Or another shopper greets you by name? Then you have to figure out how you know that person. And you rack your brain trying to figure out who they are. So, all the way home you’re trying to figure out who the person is. Finally you get home and you walk into your bathroom, see yourself in the mirror and realize you never took off that name tag… 

Speaking of name tags, what if you’re at, say, IHOP, and the person you’re with insists on calling the waitress by her name ‘cause she’s wearing her name tag. C’mon. Really? Are you going to call the cashier by name also? Where does this end? It seems to me like if you call her by name, you’ve established a relationship of some sort, and you should tip more. I’m gonna bring that up next time somebody does that...

They don't use their real names on the name tags anyway, do they?

Vision 20/20

I saw my eye doctor at a luncheon today. I asked him if his industry is planning anything special for the year 2020. I reminded him that it’s only 3+ years out. He looked at me funny, not understanding what I had said. I said, “The year 2020”. He still didn’t get it. I said, “The year 2020. Like 20/20 vision.” He finally got it and laughed. He said he had not thought of doing anything special, but that he would definitely now be considering it. He seemed keen to the idea. So, if you start hearing about the Vision 20/20 concept in 3 years or so you’ll know where it started. Maybe they could aim to wipe out glaucoma or something.

So, figuring the guy owed me a favor, I asked him, “As I grow older, does it take longer for my pupils to adjust when I walk into a dark room?” His response was, “Why don’t you just turn on the light?” Everybody’s got a quick answer…

Drive-Flu

I was scheduled to get a flu shot today and I forgot about the appointment. So, yeah, that’s the bad news. The good news is that I must be feeling pretty good if I didn’t remember to get the shot. So I’m pondering if I should get one or not. I’ve gotten one from time to time in the past and I don’t remember getting the flu in the last few years so the shots must have worked. I should probably get one.

I’m short on time so I’m trying to figure out the most efficient and healthy way to get the shot. If I go to the doctor’s office, I’m going to have to sit in a waiting room with sick people. So that’s out. I could get one at Kroger but that place is so unhealthy that people actually wipe down the cart handles. So that’s out. I’ve decided on using the drive through window at Rite Aid. I figure I can just stick my arm in the window and get it. That’ll be fast. And sanitary. 

They do give you flu shots in the arm, right?

Nose Tackle

Monday Night Football came about when I was in high school. It was huge! It was the first time we had football during the week. And there were lots of stars: Joe Namath, OJ Simpson, Terry Bradshaw, guys like that. For the first time, the network had three commentators in the booth. One of them was Howard Cosell. The other guys were former jocks Frank Gifford and “Dandy” Don Meredith. But Howard made it go. He would say anything in any situation. A very entertaining guy. 

In those days, after a touchdown, they would cut to a commercial, and after the break they would come back and the camera would find the guy who scored on the sidelines, and he would look at the camera and mouth the words “Hi Mom”. Well, one night, the guy who scored apparently didn’t get the memo about what to say. When the camera caught him, he was unaware he was on camera and his rather large index finger was up his large nose to at least the second knuckle.  After seeing this, Howard’s reaction to America was a slow and distinct “Dandy, not a pretty sight!”

Call me crazy but I miss the guy.

Rare Bird

Today I attended a meeting and sat behind this guy who I’ve known for many years. But this was the first time I ever noticed him taking notes. He held his tablet up in the air, turned it 90 degrees to the left so the lines on the page were vertical, and literally wrote “up” the line. And he did it in cursive! I was not trying to be nosy, but his writing appeared to be not only right side up on the paper, but it was quite legible. So yes, I was fascinated by this guy much in the same way I am with “walker-readers” (see post dated November 16, 2015). Just this week, a reader reported seeing a walker-reader walking, reading AND highlighting text all at the same time. Those folks are rare and a treasure to our communities.

So, yeah, why in the world would I travel to a park to see wildlife or birds when I can see these rare, talented people in some cases without even leaving work?

Palmer Sunday

Well, Arnold Palmer is now gone.  I’m sure you’ve heard about it. Great, classy guy. This blog, of course, is not about obituaries. You can find those anywhere. But I needed to salute this cool man and I’ve determined how to do that. I have petitioned the USGA to designate each Tournament’s final round as “Palmer Sunday”. Stay tuned. 

Arnold leaves behind his delicious drink known as the Arnold Palmer. Unfortunately, the small can of Arnold is only 11.5 ounces compared to the normal 12 ounce beverage can and the large is 23 ounces compared to the standard 24 ounce can. I’m sure Arnold had nothing to do with the can shrinkage, noble man that he was. In fact, I bet he fought the shrinking of the cans. “Don’t’ you dare shrink those cans!”, I bet he said. He didn’t want his product to end up like orange juice, potato chips and ice cream where they keep shrinking the containers, all the while keeping the prices the same. He didn’t live long enough to see the rest of the soft drink industry go to the smaller cans. Let’s hope they don’t go there.   

Do they still have the golf stories on the side of his cans? That was an odd touch. Do you get a longer story on the 23 ounce can? They put those stories on there to distract you so you wouldn’t notice that it was a smaller can. It doesn’t take a genius to figure this stuff out.