Roundabouts!

Roundabouts are the talk of the town. They are popping up everywhere. We mentioned them briefly in our previous post, and, since they are a new concept for some of us, I thought I’d address some common questions I’ve heard regarding these Lazy Susans of the highway. Actually there’s been one overriding question that I’ve heard and that is the following: Once you get on, how long can you stay on a roundabout? Is there a time limit? Well, I’ve researched this and, amazingly, from what I can tell, you can stay on it as long as you like. There is no time limit. For instance, if your family is trying to decide where to eat, picking between, say, IHOP and Red Lobster, you can keep going around until you decide on a restaurant.  Once you decide, you simply exit the roundabout at the appropriate spot.

Contrary to legend, continuing to drive in the circle will not turn you into butter.

Stop Sign of the Times

Have you ever been in your car at a stop sign waiting for a break in traffic when someone pulls up in the lane next to you and crosses the white line and totally blocks your view, thereby eliminating any chance you have of seeing any cars that are coming? That can be frustrating, can’t it? (Can we please ticket this type of behavior?)  Your options in these cases are as follows:

1.        Throw up your hands in disgust
2.        Inch a little further across the white line than they are, thereby blocking their view and risking that the truck coming from the left could tear off your front bumper
3.        Pull blindly into traffic where, granted, you might get killed, but the offending driver at the stop sign would have to live with what they had done for the rest of his or her life

Sorry that I don’t have better options on this. Sadly, many of us would choose the third option. There’s no happy ending there but at least you might get a roundabout named after you.

Monday Morning Running Back

Have you ever seen those signs along the side of the road for these Antique Malls? I really want to stop at one. Who wouldn’t like to go back in time and visit some of those stores, and maybe throw a coin in that cool fountain? Maybe stop at the Bottom Half Store and try on some bell bottoms (you got a lot of material for your money on those pants – just don’t wear them riding your bike) or the Just Pants Store just to see if they might have some shirts way in the back. Maybe I’d go to Spencer Gifts and get one of the gag gifts that a million people had handled. But before I went to any of those stores, I think I would head right for the Orange Julius. I would go there just to satisfy my curiosity ‘cause I never found out if Orange Julius was a food or a person, maybe some old Greek guy. Or was it just a play on words on Orange Juice?

Whatever Orange Julius was, it/he could never overcome that O J Simpson stigma. In hindsight, how did O J not become the spokesman for Orange Julius? That might have kept him out of trouble.  

Uncle Tommy John Surgery

Since we’re still in baseball mood here after that terrific World Series, let’s talk a little baseball tonight. What’s with these diseases or medical procedures that get named after famous athletes? First we have Lou Gehrig’s Disease. I’m actually OK with this one. He was the Iron Horse – he played hard and died young.  Besides, no one else really wants it named after them ‘cause it’s a disease.

The one I have a hard time with is the medical procedure known as Tommy John Surgery. Tommy John had a serious arm injury and some unknown doctor invented this new procedure, used it on Tommy’s left arm, and, next thing you know, Tommy’s back pitching again and, oh by the way, he’s better than ever. And oh, by the way, the procedure got named after the athlete instead of the doctor. Wait. What? So this doctor probably now operates in obscurity somewhere and goes home at night and tells his wife, “Yeah, I’m not gonna invent any more cool procedures ‘cause they just get named after the rich athletes anyway."

Tommy John needs to give this surgery name back to the surgeon. It’s time Tommy. Step up. Get it done.

Who's on First, Lady?

Wow! What a World Series! So now the next thing is the election which is next week already. I’m still trying to sort this whole thing out. If Hillary gets elected as president, would she be both president AND first lady? Her husband (Remember Bill Clinton?) obviously cannot be the First Lady. However, Hillary would hold the title of “First Lady President” because (1) she’s female (first lady president), and (2) because she was at one time The First Lady. She would be the first First Lady to become president. So, since Bill can’t be First Lady, does Tim Kaine’s wife (Sugar?) move up to First Lady? Or is she Second Lady? Can there be a Second Lady if there’s no First Lady? And Bill Clinton would be called what exactly? I like the title “First Lady’s Man”. 

I wonder how many people are not voting for Hillary ‘cause they think her running mate is Herman Cain, former head of Godfather’s Pizza. I think she needs to clarify that. Regardless, her campaign motto could be something along the lines of “She won’t fall down again ‘cause now she has her Kaine.”

Feast of Booths

Have you ever eaten at, say, IHOP, and you have five people, but you don’t want the big table ‘cause that’s like for eight people, so you take a booth and have one person sit on a chair at the end of the booth? That is dangerous.  I’ve been that guy on the end. It’s like sitting in the street. I’ve been elbowed,  hip checked and run over by waitresses multiple times. It’s not their fault – they’re just trying to do their jobs and you’re in the way. But you end up going home with blueberry syrup all over your clothes and you have to explain that to your dry cleaner and it’s all a big hassle.

Have you ever gone to a buffet restaurant where there are booths? What’s up with that? If you’re on one of the inside seats you’re doomed. It’s great if you’re on a diet, ‘cause you can really only go to the buffet when the outside guy’s going and then you have to get back to your seat somehow before he does. It’s tough. They put booths in those places because they want you to eat less food. Next time you’re at a buffet check out how the hostess seats the heavier people in the booths instead of the tables so they have less access to the food. It doesn’t take a genius to figure this stuff out…