Drive-In

While on vacation recently we drove by a drive-in movie theater. There was a guy in line to get in who had boat on top of his car. I hope he was parking in the back row…

But the drive-in? What a great American concept. You get two (2) movies for the price of one and a great halftime show with dancing refreshments – at least we did where I lived. Two movies!! People would show up an hour before the first movie so their kids could play on the playground and then they'd stay for two movies and the halftime show. That’s like a five hour commitment. And there was a refreshment stand usually somewhere in the middle.  And your friends would move the car to another spot when you were getting your popcorn.

Or did that only happen to me?

New Words and Phrases for 2019

We’re only 6 months into 2019, but it’s been a busy year in new words and phrases. Here are just a few of what we’ve found:

• Pizza Tenderloin – On a round pizza cut into squares, it’s the pieces in the middle. Lots of cheese. Always let someone else take their pieces first. They’ll take outside pieces, freeing up  a path to the gooey center for you. 
• Documentia – Condition brought on from the over analysis of contracts. I get this about 6:15PM.
• Strollered – Just what it sounds like. My computer says it’s not a word. Let’s change that…
• Make an A line – A direct path from here to there; more direct even than a B line
• Alefe – singular of Aleve. “I’ve got a slight headache from too much pizza tenderloin. Can I borrow an Alefe?”

Same as before, feel free to use these. Let’s get ‘em out there.

Sunrise Sunset

We used to have this guy at work who drank a bit. He was young, and people figured he’d grow out of it. And he did. But one night, when he was still very young, he had some drinks on his way home, and when he got home he immediately fell asleep. When he woke up he looked at his watch, and saw that it was 7:30, so he hurried to work. He arrived at the office at 7:55. He had made it! But no one else was there, and by 8:15, no one else had come in. Looking out the window to see what was going on, he finally realized that the sun was on the wrong side of the building. Yes, it was 8:15PM.

If you have any AM / PM mix up stories, or maybe tales of you going to bed during an eclipse, we’d like to hear them here at Uncle Tommy.  

Kit Kat Kan

What’s the deal with restaurant restroom attendants? Can we not find the paper towels on our own? There used to be a restaurant near here where the restroom attendant would not only give you a towel, but he would offer to sell you a candy bar as well. That just always seemed like a strange combo to me. The problem with these restroom attendants is that when word gets out that they’re in there some people don’t go in there ‘cause they don’t have money or they don’t want to spend money on the towel or candy. That’s not healthy. If you gotta go you should go. I read that once in college…

How do we even know if these towel/candy jockeys are even legit, or if they’re just some guy who walks in with a suitcase and sets up shop in there? Always ask for identification.

Uncle Tomahawk

I keep hearing this commercial on the radio for this new men’s store that advertises the following Father’s Day items: cigars, knives, and - oh yeah - tomahawks. I have no problem with cigars. I know a guy who measures driving distances by number of cigars. “From here to Milwaukee? Yeah, that’s about a 4 cigar drive.” And I’m fine with knives. But tomahawks? Should I have a tomahawk – do most men have these now? Can you even say that word today? 

I still associate tomahawks with scalping. Now we belittle the word “scalping” by associating it with overpaying for a ticket. Maybe you’re less likely to get “scalped“ on a ticket purchase if you carry a tomahawk. Is there a connection?

Jimmy's Sister

My friend is going down south on vacation and mentioned that they would likely stop at Jimmy Buffet’s sister’s restaurant.  Gee, do you think they serve margaritas there? I don’t know about you, but I can’t get too excited about going to some singer’s sister’s restaurant.  Regardless, there are a couple of items here that need to be addressed:

• The name of the place needs to be “Little Miss Buffet”. That’s a no brainer.
• The place needs to be an all you can eat buffet 'cause people are gonna think it's one. Plain and simple. Otherwise, you're gonna have people wandering around with their plates looking for food. And that can get ugly.