From Home Plate to Plate

Today we’re going to rate the four major sports by the quality of their coach rants, those special times when the coaches disagree with officials.

• Fourth place – Football. This is disappointing because this is a game with a lot of possibilities ‘cause there’s lots of equipment around. Instead of javelining a yard marker or even throwing a helmet, we get maybe a clip board toss. Boring…
• Third Place – Basketball. Bobby Knight threw a chair once…
• Second Place – Baseball. We’ve seen managers pull bases out of the ground and take them back to the dugouts. Baseball gets bonus points ‘cause the manager can come out on the field. And he wears a uniform.   
• First Place – Hockey. Coach Ted Garvin protested a call once by throwing his teeth on the ice. But he was a gentleman – he did not throw them at a ref or anything stupid like that.

Ted never got a denture endorsement to my knowledge. He should have.

 

Cornhub

We have this what they used to call “Second Run” movie theater nearby. The movies they show are so old, well, they’re talkies, and they’re in color, but they’re old. When they show “A Star is Born”, you don’t know if it’s the Barbara Streisand version or the Judy Garland version. The good news is that the tickets are really cheap, and it’s air conditioned. In the summer, I think some people just go in to cool off and sleep for 2 hours. To offset the cheap ticket prices, they really push popcorn sales. You feel guilty if you don’t buy popcorn.

They really think they’re onto something with their popcorn, so much so that they are now selling popcorn to go for passers by. And sales must be going OK because they keep offering it.  The next level will be to have the popcorn delivered to my house I suppose.

I didn’t see anything about coming back for free refills.

 

Myraftpillow.com

We’ve all been stuck at home a little too long, haven’t we? As spring arrives, I find myself thinking about the beach and all that goes along with the beach. We are blessed with beautiful beaches in this country. I like to ride the waves on a blow up raft of some sort. This got me thinking: why not personalize these rafts and their pillows? Make a good event even better. Your raft would have a firmness number, and the pillow could be personalized for your head. We’d call it My Raft Pillow.com. Since it would cost too much to ship a fully inflated pillow, the instructions would tell you how many breaths to blow into it for each level of firmness.

Hey, you gotta do something during that 20 minutes after eating before you can swim anyways…

 

Pick-up Only

Have you seen the “Pick-Up Only” signs popping up in parking lots all over town? They’re the best spots, many of which used to be spots reserved for the handicapped. So yeah, why do people with small trucks get the best spots now?

OK, OK. I get it. These are the spots for people who already placed an order and are just “picking up” their purchases. But you can pick up in a pick-up truck so yeah, I was kinda right.

I saw these signs most recently outside JC Penney at the mall. So yeah, if the clerk brings you out your, say, pair of shoes, will he or she stay there while you try them on? And can you send them back in for the same shoe in a 9½?

Does the clerk carry a shoe horn?  

 

I Saw the Light

How is it possible for people to carry their phones in their back pockets? Have you seen this? If my phone was in my back pocket, wouldn’t it break when I sat down? How does that work?

While driving yesterday I got stopped at a red light. A couple crossed the street in front of me. The woman had her phone in her back pocket. It was especially noticeable because her phone’s flashlight was on and she was leaving a swaying trail of light rays behind her as she walked.  I rolled down my window and almost told her that her light was on, but they looked like they were in a hurry and I couldn’t tell what the guy might have in his pocket…

Besides, I thought, maybe leaving your phone flashlight on when you walk is a thing now. Like a bike light for pedestrians, maybe? I’m pretty busy running this blog, but if somebody could look into that…

 

Auto Drive

When we finally get the self-driving cars (I’m still waiting!), will they have minds of their own? Will we be able to blame them for stuff? Will there be conversations like, “Sir, your car was double parked. You were blocking traffic.” “Sorry officer, I told the car to park itself while I ran into the barber shop.” Will traffic tickets accumulate on the car maybe and not on the driver? “Sorry sir, you’re gonna need a new car; your car’s got too many tickets.”  Will there be chase scenes in movies of police cars chasing driverless cars? Should there be driverless police cars for this purpose?

Will the elderly have driverless cars, and if so, will those cars drive really slow?

I can’t wait for the future, can you?