Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Ford Galaxy

We don’t pick up many hitchhikers these days do we? It’s too bad, ‘cause a lot of movie plots revolved around hitchhikers. The movie “Detour” comes to mind. Hitchhikers also played a major role in pop music over the years. Check out songs like the great “Phantom 309”. (Bring a hanky for that one.) Heck, I bet a lot of you met your spouses hitchhiking. It was a thing.

Well, hitchhiking has become extremely rare these days - I can't tell you the last time I saw one. How rare have they become, you ask? My friend saw a guy alongside the road with his thumb up and he didn't know if the guy wanted a ride or if the guy was just admiring his car. Yeah.

 

More Words Sometimes Confused with Acronyms

YOGA vs YODA – One of these in from Star Trek. I forget which.

FANTA vs FAYGO – I still don’t know if either of these is an acronym. But they can co-exist because they complement each other so well: Faygo doesn’t have a pineapple soda and Fanta doesn’t have a clear cream soda. And I think Faygo has a cola nobody ever drinks. Which leads us to…

Cola vs COLA (Cost of Living Adjustment) – I don’t remember my father ever drinking cola much but he had a COLA in his contract at work. I wish I had one. Speaking of cola…

MR. PIBB vs DR. PEPPER – Dr. Jonas Salk invented the first safe and effective vaccine for polio. I wonder if he ever met Dr. Pepper?

NOVI Michigan – Legend has it that the city was named after the sixth toll gate (No. VI) on the Grand River Road.

That, my good readers, is a Roman acronym. When a Roman numeral becomes part of a word, or the foundation of a word, it is a Roman acronym. That’s what we’re calling it. Mark it down.  

 

Big Cheese

I went to a reception Thursday and had some delicious goat cheese. It got me thinking: Have you ever had to sit behind someone with one of those Green Bay cheese heads at a game? That can’t be fun. I’m troubled to think that those things are even allowed at a game…

When Green Bay’s quarterback Aaron Rodgers left to go to the Jets earlier this year, some Jets fans wore cheese heads to the game, only these heads were white cheese, which goes with the Jets team colors. I thought that was pretty clever. As a side note, someone was kind enough to give me a nice Jets shopping bag recently. And yes, I plan to use it to purchase cheese.

What if Tom Brady had played for Green Bay? Since he is commonly referred to as the G.O.A.T. (greatest of all time), would the cheese heads have been goat cheese? We’ll never know.

I know, you may think my cheese theory is full of holes…

 

Chicken Lobby

You know those blue signs on the interstate where they list all the restaurants at the next exit? Have you noticed for Chick-Fil-A that they put on the sign the words “Closed Sundays”? Wait. What? Are there people out there who really don’t know by now that Chick-Fil-A is closed on Sunday? C’mon. Even the vegetarians know Chick-Fil-A is closed on Sunday. Maybe they should take it to the next level and add the words “but KFC is open”.

I think this concept should apply to retailers as well. When we hear the phrase “25 shopping days ‘til Christmas”, the following tag line needs to be added: “22 shopping days ‘til Christmas at Hobby Lobby”. Yeah.

 

Wing Tips?

I was on a 5AM flight last week. As I sat in my aisle seat waiting for everyone to walk by me to their seats in the back, I noticed a woman walk by in her stocking feet. That’s right; the woman had no shoes on. I thought to myself:

•           This is the security guy’s dream. He doesn’t have to worry about her having anything stashed in her shoes. I wonder if this will become a requirement for all of us. “Sorry. No shoes on the plane sir!”
• Did the woman forget to grab her shoes after she put them through the tunnel thing at the security check? It was 5AM after all. Should I tell her she forgot her shoes?
• Should I ask her if she’s going somewhere warm?
• Should I offer her my shoes? Is that something charitable people do in that situation? I’ve not been through this before.
• Should I tell the pilot?

 I probably should have told her she could borrow my shoes if she had to use the bathroom.

 

Mustache Waxing

Happy November. We’ve got this November fundraiser going at work. They’re asking us to grow a mustache in November to raise money for a local charity. But I already have a mustache so I don’t know what to do. Do I shave it off and start re-growing it? If I do that, people are going to, at least initially, think I’m anti charity ‘cause I shaved my stache. But since I already have one, how am I gonna get people to donate to the charity? They’re gonna say, “Hey Uncle Tommy! You already have a mustache. I’m not supporting your charity.”

And there’s the other thing: If I do shave it off, I need a full 31 day month to grow it back. November's too short. That extra day is critical.

I guess the concept is starting to grow on me…