Face Value

What’s with these crazy emojis? They’re fun to look at, aren’t they, the smiley faces, the frowns? Are they just a phase (or a face!) or are they here for the long run? I don’t use them much and haven’t used them in the blog thus far. But I’m considering it. Why? Because they communicate our messages to those folks who cannot read or at least those who cannot read the English language. While we have people from all over the world who regularly view Uncle Tommy’s Select Thoughts, we have no idea how many of these folks actually read it versus just look at it. The same goes for you readers here in the states. With literacy rates crashing to an all time low, we need to be sensitive to those who cannot read the written word. 

So, rather than using these little emojis as just a fun coda or add-on at the end of a sentence or as a quick reply to a text, we’ve started what we’re calling The Tommy Emoji Project, where the goal will be to create a universal language consisting of nothing but emojis. Our goal is to have an emoji version of Uncle Tommy’s Select Thoughts up and going within four years. 

Like drawings in caves which teach us about our past, we think the emoji language will tell our future.

Jiggs Lunch

St. Patrick’s Day is coming up this week. I’m ready for some Jiggs Dinner. Last year I had my Jiggs Dinner at lunch. But nobody ever calls it a Jiggs lunch. You can’t find a Jiggs lunch. That’s ‘cause they’d have to charge less if it was a lunch. It doesn’t take a genius to figure this stuff out. Fortunately St. Patrick’s Day does not fall on a Friday or some people would not be able to eat the corned beef. ‘Cause without the corned beef, all you have is your carrots, potatoes, cabbage and maybe a turnip. At least there’s no Kale. Kale is turning up everywhere you look. And hopefully there are no Brussels Sprouts. Gosh. They’re everywhere now too. I had some in a salad Friday. C’mon! I would think they would be more likely to appear in Belgium in a Flemish meal. Well, I didn’t think anybody could screw up a Jiggs Dinner ‘til last year. Apparently this restaurant thought you just threw everything in the pot. They used whole adult carrots, whole potatoes, and the meat was fatty. And it was all served with this heaping mound of cabbage like some weird pigless pig in a blanket. What a letdown. But it’s been a year and I’m ready to try again.   

I can see why the Flemish meals never caught on here. “Let’s go out for some Flemish!” Gross! That food might be really good but nobody here’s gonna try it. That jig is up!

Hot Topic

Today’s subject is heated car seats. I guess I appreciate the guy who invented the heated car seat, but sometimes I think there needs to be some limitations on that gadget. I don’t mind heating up my own seat to a certain extent or especially the passenger seat if I’m bringing home a Marco Pizza or some Colonel Sanders to eat while I watch the debate, but, like the rear window defogger, the seat heater really needs to have an automatic turn off at some point. 

I’ve learned from experience that it can be dangerous to get into a car with a preheated seat. It’s something you rarely worry about but I’ll be looking for it next time. A few weeks ago this guy picked me up to take me to a meeting and the previous person in the car had apparently left the seat heat on the “Broil” setting.  After a mile or two the heat caused me to fall asleep. I woke up to the ever so slight smell of burning flesh, and by the time I time I realized what was going on I was medium rare. Painful, embarrassing, and dangerous! 

I think a roller coaster with a heated seat theme would go over big at Cedar Point. Call it “Ride Through Hell”. Heat the seats hotter and hotter throughout the ride, and then douse everyone with water at the end. Of course, they’ll want to make sure the automatic turn off is working to avoid electrocution.  

Marco Pizza Rubio

Somebody asked me today if I wanted to get some Marco’s Pizza for lunch. I declined but it was tempting, and, after giving it some thought, I think I know why it was tempting. I am only human, and I cannot help but think of Marco’s Pizza whenever I see that Marco Rubio fellow. The dude makes me hungry. Political candidates are not allowed to appear on TV non-news/talk shows when they are running for office. For instance, Ronald Reagan movies were not allowed to be shown on TV when he was running for office. But there is no rule against companies benefiting from the candidates’ appearances. So yeah, Marco’s Pizza is benefiting greatly from the presence of Marco Rubio in the race. I will undoubtedly be placing an order with them during tonight’s debate. In another less obvious example, has anyone noticed that Colonel Sanders has miraculously been resurrected and is making appearances in KFC commercials all over prime-time TV? I think they’re up to the third guy playing Colonel Sanders already and these are effective, funny commercials. KFC is not stupid. They know that by resurrecting Sanders they can benefit from the presence of Bernie Sanders on the campaign trail. Hey, it doesn’t take a genius to figure this stuff out. 

Maybe Bernie can be KFC spokesman number four after he drops out of the race. But first, I want to see if he can win Kentucky!

Blowing Smoke

My dry cleaner smokes. Really. I caught him smoking in his shop. He was lighting up in his office off to the side. I was speechless. I’m pretty sure it was just a cigarette, but still.... I mean, most of us take our clothes to the cleaners to get the smoke out of them. My clothes smelled OK when I took them out of the bag, so I guess I’ll still take my clothes there unless I start seeing burn holes in my shirts.

  

That got me thinking though. I wonder if my dry cleaner has one of those cool smoking jackets? Turns out they still make them. You can buy them online. See below.

     

I think something like this would be awesome to wear around the house in the evening. I don’t smoke but can you imagine the impression you make when you greet people at the door wearing this?  Or, wouldn’t these be awesome for men’s wedding party attire? And I think these can be worn year around. How ‘bout at the beach with your trunks? I’d wear it on the plane heading for Florida. They’d know when I was in town.

And let’s not forget about our little four footed friends. At our house we’re way behind getting our dog any fashionable clothes (other than one very nice sweater from a relative which is too nice to wear outside). In fact, she’s known in the neighborhood as “the dog without the sweater”.  Presto! Sure enough, there are smoking jackets for dogs. See “Lil’ Smokey” below.

I'm thinking flower girl maybe?