Barbershop Buzz

I ran into an old friend at the barbershop last week. While we waited for our turns in the chair, he started telling stories from when we worked together. Well, I appreciate barbershop fellowship and these were good stories. But when my turn in the chair came, he did what I was afraid he was going to do – he kept talking. Now, barbershop etiquette would say that conversing should stop once the clippers start. But he just kept going, and I couldn't hear hardly any of it. There was no possibility of non-verbal communication – head nodding or shaking was obviously out of the question. Eye contact was impossible – even with the mirrors. I caught a word here or there and gave out a couple “Uh-huhs”. By the end of my haircut I was exhausted.   

If this happens again, I’m gonna give that guy “cuts”.

Dog Days of.....September?

What is up with all these “Bring your dog to the ball game” events? I’ve never done it. Have you?

•          Do you have to go to the game or can you just drop off your dog?
•          Does the dog get its own seat?
•          Why is this only done for baseball? Why can’t I drop my dog off for a movie?
•          Do these dogs even understand the game? Dogs apparently do understand basketball, for instance. (Remember Airbud?)
•          Do the dogs get to run the bases after the game?   

This all sounds nice. But I still sense a void here. Baseball needs to go one step further. What about the poor homeless dogs? Doesn’t there need to be a special night when the dogs at the pound get to go to a game? 

I can't believe this has not been addressed.

Uncle Chad's Select Thoughts?

Today I encountered new security questions when attempting to access a website. We addressed this issue way back in ’15 (See “Security Questions” - December 13, 2015). Well, these security questions have only gotten weirder. One of the questions they wanted me to answer today was: “What is the name you wish you had?” Wait. What? Who writes these questions? I mean, yeah, I, like everybody else, had a California name in college (mine was Chad Stevens) but that was a long time ago. Does the average Joe out there want to change his name? Does this site think I’m on the lam, seeking witness protection maybe? I have no desire to change my name…

The expense relating to a name change of this blog alone would be reason enough for me not to change my name…  

New Number Words

I was never a big fan of the word “threepeat”, but, in hindsight, I kinda like it, and I wish I had coined it. In an effort to invent the next great “number word”, here are some suggestions:

•          Fivehead – a really big forehead
•          Fivethought – exceptional forethought. Thinking outside of that area outside the box. Not to promote myself but see “Turnpike of the Future” recent post
•          Threethought – weak forethought. Maybe near the edge of the box but still within the box
•          19^th Wheel – Extra guy who just kind of hangs around the truckers, perhaps lacks direction and doesn’t really have a role
•          Two-Switch-Flip – when two people at opposite ends of a hallway unknowingly turn the lights on at the exact same time resulting in the lights turning off immediately after turning on making them think that they’ve tripped a circuit breaker

Feel free to use these. Let’s get ‘em out there.

Uncle's Got a Brand New Bag

We were walking out of the hospital recently and noticed that they have tear off rain hoods to use. Wow, what a nice touch, I thought. Who wants to get rained on when they’re just getting out of the hospital? But then I looked closer at the hoods. These “hoods” were nothing more than giant versions of the tear off produce bags they have at your local supermarket. Seemed pretty dangerous to me – what if the bag slips down over your face? I guess they figure you’re already at the hospital if something goes wrong…

I was at the grocery recently and saw a guy putting his bananas in one of those produce bags. Really? Bananas? Yeah, let’s put our canned goods in individual plastic bags too…

Have you seen the produce bags at Costco (where I’m a member)? No, I haven’t either but I bet they’re full size garbage can bags. Or tear off dry cleaner bags maybe…

Turnpike of the Future

We were on the turnpike yesterday going into Pennsylvania. The sign at the tollgate says “Cash Only” but you can use a debit card if you want. They just don’t tell you. (I had to ask.) The debit card takes longer to process and the cars pile up behind you and the toll dude gets mad. But I didn’t want to use my cash so it was what it was. I may have gone too far though when I asked the toll dude if he could give me “cash back” when I paid my toll. I told him I thought that’d be a nice way to promote people spending money in Pennsylvania. He just raised the gate and motioned for me to go ahead. But I could tell from his facial expression that he knew I was on to something and that it would probably come to fruition in the not too distant future.

Knowing the future is not all about bringing joy to people. Some people hate the future.