Caller ID

A romantic relationship has a number of stages including dating, going steady, and engagement. Somewhere in these stages, the person ends up in your phone contacts, and eventually that person is identified in your contacts by first name only. When you get to the first name only phase you know it’s serious folks. Well, I was with a friend of mine recently when he got a call from his wife, and his caller ID showed her first and last name. Now these folks have been married thirty plus years. And yet, her first and last names came up on his caller ID. Since I know this guy pretty well I questioned him on this. He said he’s got a sister with the same first name as his wife and it confuses him. Wait. What? I told him the spouse gets first name only and yes, he’s changing his phone.

I’m not sure what you do if you know two First Name Only People (FNOPs) with the same name. Do any of these FNOPs “Cher” their names?

Mosquito Truck

We’ve had a ton of rain here this year. It makes me think that we may have a surplus of mosquitoes this summer. I talked to a friend of mine today who moved this year outside the city limits and he’s got lots of water standing on his property. I told him that it was too bad, that he would not have the benefit of the city’s mosquito truck this year to hold down his bug population. We both laughed. ‘Cause when I was a kid the mosquito truck was a big deal. When you heard that dude coming, you ran into your house and closed the windows. The whole neighborhood would be fogged. Like a London Fog. Nowadays the mosquito dude drives his truck around after dark and makes this humming sound and creates next to no fog. Kids stay out front and laugh at him. (I think even the bugs laugh at him.) I think he may be fake – just some guy pretending to be a mosquito truck. Trying to be popular...

I know a guy who purchased some discount bug repellent. This stuff was so cheap you actually had to catch the bugs and then dip them in the repellent. Hey, you get what you pay for…

Uber

My wife and I were on vacation recently visiting our son. While we were waiting for him to pick us up in front of our hotel we saw an older couple struggling, apparently waiting for their first Uber. Like watching a baby take his or her first step, or seeing a baby robin fly from the nest, this was fun to watch. So, you’re wondering, why didn’t you help them, Uncle Tommy? Why? Why did you just watch?

Because they got their ride fairly quickly. Calm down. But it was touch and go for a bit. Picture Frank and Estelle Constanza trying to get an Uber. At one point the wife told her husband, “I think you need to be out in the street more”. I’m sorry man, but this is one of those phrases that never work, whatever the age, whatever the context. To you younger readers (and readers of all ages): Let’s try not to use this phrase.   

What is HIPAA

So yeah, when you’re sitting in the waiting room at the doctor, they call you in by first name. HIPAA says your privacy is violated if they use your last name. If there’s a bunch of people in the waiting room, and you have a common first name, chances are pretty good that you’re gonna have some false alarms – times when your name is called, but it’s for somebody else. So, if you have a common name like I do, you may want to give yourself a nickname. This eliminates those awkward false alarms.

I want to know how HIPAA deals with the FNOP’s (first name only people). If they don’t have a last name, isn’t their privacy violated when they are called by their first name? Have any of you readers been in a waiting room with Madonna or Cher?

When Sting gets called in I bet there’s always a kid with a bee sting who stands up.

Waiting Room Etiquette

I was at the doctor’s office the other day.  Don’t worry, I’m OK. (We always get lots of letters when I mention the doctor.) There was just me and one other guy in the waiting room. After a couple minutes a nurse opened the door and called “Tom”. We both stood up to go in. What were the odds of both of us having that name? Well this time I was the winner, and I got to go back before him. My visit was brief. (I really am healthy.) When I came out, he was still there in the waiting room. I didn’t say anything to him.  

In a situation like that, should I have addressed him by name as I was leaving and said something like, “See you later, Tom.”? Or “Good luck, Tom.”? What’s the proper etiquette in that situation?

Follow Up Holidays

We don’t do a good job in this country with “follow up holidays”, days that follow a holiday and, frankly, deserve some recognition. I’m sure there’re more out there but here’s a start:

• Dentist Day (November 1^st) – This is the day you end up taking your child to the dentist after he or she fall victim to Dots, or JuJubes. Dentists leave these dates open ‘cause they know the kids are coming…
• Corned Beef Hash Day (March 18^th) – Why not stir up a delicious pan of corned beef hash on the day after St. Patrick’s Day? You’re gonna have leftover corned beef.  And you might have people crashed at your house who need to be fed. Even if you don’t know who they are – what better way to get to know them!
• Six Weeks Later Day – (March 16^th?) If the ground hog sees his shadow, there’s six more weeks of winter. Well, when exactly are those six weeks over? Is anybody tracking this? Hello?

Mark your calendars! And somebody call Hallmark.