Wing Tips?

I was on a 5AM flight last week. As I sat in my aisle seat waiting for everyone to walk by me to their seats in the back, I noticed a woman walk by in her stocking feet. That’s right; the woman had no shoes on. I thought to myself:

•           This is the security guy’s dream. He doesn’t have to worry about her having anything stashed in her shoes. I wonder if this will become a requirement for all of us. “Sorry. No shoes on the plane sir!”
• Did the woman forget to grab her shoes after she put them through the tunnel thing at the security check? It was 5AM after all. Should I tell her she forgot her shoes?
• Should I ask her if she’s going somewhere warm?
• Should I offer her my shoes? Is that something charitable people do in that situation? I’ve not been through this before.
• Should I tell the pilot?

 I probably should have told her she could borrow my shoes if she had to use the bathroom.

 

Mustache Waxing

Happy November. We’ve got this November fundraiser going at work. They’re asking us to grow a mustache in November to raise money for a local charity. But I already have a mustache so I don’t know what to do. Do I shave it off and start re-growing it? If I do that, people are going to, at least initially, think I’m anti charity ‘cause I shaved my stache. But since I already have one, how am I gonna get people to donate to the charity? They’re gonna say, “Hey Uncle Tommy! You already have a mustache. I’m not supporting your charity.”

And there’s the other thing: If I do shave it off, I need a full 31 day month to grow it back. November's too short. That extra day is critical.

I guess the concept is starting to grow on me…

 

Ace is the Place!

Have you seen these blue medical tents on the sidelines at NFL games? That’s where they supposedly take the injured guys.  I have a few questions:

•           Do medical professionals sit in there the whole game, or do they only go in when somebody gets hurt?
• Do they have those folding camp stools in there? Coleman stoves? Bug spray?
• Shouldn’t someone dig a trench around the tent in case in rains?
• Why the privacy? What’s done in there that can’t be done out in the open?
  
• Why is there no sponsor for these tents? Advertisers that come to mind would be Blue Cross, Afflac, or Coleman

In all honesty, the sponsor should be Ace. No, not the Ace bandage people. I’m talking porta-potty Ace. You’re not fooling me NFL. There's no medical staff in there. Those tents are nothing more than porta-potties for the players and coaches. That explains the privacy.

Hey, it doesn’t take a genius to figure this stuff out.  

 

Missing H

Do you know people who use the word “birtday” instead of birthday? We had a birthday at work today and sure enough I heard somebody say, “I didn’t know it was your birtday!”. Do you know these “birtday” people? Maybe it’s just around here. But I’ve heard it my whole life. And it, like me, is getting old. If they just say the word birth they leave the h in. But once you put day after birth, it becomes “birtday”. I don’t get it. (Strangely, I never hear them say “Eartday” for Earthday). 

If somebody has seen a study on this phenomenon, let me know. I'd be interested in learning how I can help these folks, In the meantime, I'll give them a wide bert(h). 

 

A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.s

Have you gone through your whole life not knowing if a word is an acronym? Many of us have. Here is one:

NASSAU vs NASA –  One of these is an acronym. Do you know which one? Of course you do. I bet the people in Nassau Bahamas got pretty upset in 1958 when the US decided to call its space program NASA. Like, were PARIS and LONDON already taken? How ‘bout MEXICO CITY? Was that available? Then, in 1971 the North American Saxophone Association (also NASA) was established. Seriously? NASA was already taken. Regardless, it would be cool for one of their members to go on a NASA mission. C’mon. Is that asking too much? The blending of science and music.

If the guy has to play “Fly me to the Moon” in space to get this done, OK, I’ll reluctantly go along with it.

 

Baa Baa Banshee

My mother occasionally used the phrase “like a banshee” so yeah, I use it too.  I likely take it out of context, sometimes telling my wife when I’m running late that I’m “driving like a banshee”.  I did that today as a matter of fact. The banshee originated in Irish folklore; it is supposedly a female spirit that (who?) screams a lot, along with wailing and shrieking. I find it a bit odd that no one ever dresses up as a banshee for Halloween. I’ve never had one come to my door for trick or treat, have you? You would know it by its screaming, wailing and shrieking. (“Herb, there’s another Banshee at the door…”)

Be forewarned: if you dress up as one of these banshees, the screaming, wailing and shrieking may make you unpopular at Halloween parties. And if you’re a young child reading this, you may want to tone down the screaming, wailing and shrieking during the Halloween parade at school.

On the other hand, if you’re one those kids who likes to scream, wail, and shriek at school, think of this as an opportunity.