The Last Robin

Fall has arrived. Leaves are falling off the trees. Families are raking. Children are making leaf houses. Dogs are running through leaf piles. The robins have flown south. Wait a minute? Have they? We make a big deal out of seeing that first robin in the spring. For me, it always seems like they come a little too early. I say to myself, “Oh, that robin came up here way too soon. Doesn’t he know that it’s early March and it might snow again?” But they always seem to live, don’t they? I’ve never shoveled up a dead robin when I’m shoveling that last snowfall, have you?

But yeah. How about the last robin of the fall? Nobody cares about him apparently. This year, let’s take a minute out of our busy lives and look for that last robin.

Maybe leave a worm for him in your driveway or something.    

New Exit

We have a newly designed expressway interchange in our community. It’s somewhat unusual but really not at all difficult to drive through. You follow the signs, obey the traffic lights. Stuff like that. So the Department of Transportation decided to hold a class to help people learn how to drive through the interchange. Wait. What? A class to learn how to drive through an interchange? You read that right. I heard 39 people showed up. Who were these people? Should they really be driving? How can this not just be the Department of Transportation having some fun with us? I would have loved to have been there for the Q & A. The Q & A should have been directed at these attenders:

•          “Why are you attending a class to learn about how to drive through an interchange?” Or,
•          “The fact that you attended this class indicates you should not likely be driving.” And,
•          “Can you please leave your driver’s licenses in the basket by the door when you leave? The bus will take you home.”  

"You Want Flies With That?"

I had a business related lunch downtown yesterday. We went to a new restaurant which had a nice view overlooking the river. Unfortunately, we soon found out that the restaurant had a fly problem. We sat down, got served water and suddenly flies were buzzing around our table. As a result, we both ended up having to wave our hands fairly constantly to keep the flies away. In fact, our hands were moving so much that our waitress thought we were deaf. That’s a lot of flies.

Yes, I’m exaggerating a bit. But I do think that, based on my hand movement, the waitress at least thought I was Italian. Maybe even a deaf Italian.

Birthday Rights

I had a contractor tell me the other day that it was his birthday and he had taken the day off so he wouldn’t be coming over that day. When did this type of thing become acceptable? Seriously, as adults, are we now allowed to use our birthdays as an excuse to not do stuff we’re supposed to do? What’s next? The half-birthday excuse? C’mon. Blow out some candles, eat some cake, go get a half-priced meal somewhere, listen to bad singing waitresses singing “Happy Birthday”, but please don’t stay home from work or other obligations ‘cause it’s your birthday.  

Actually, I do know what’s next. If their birthday is on a weekend, people will slide the birthday over the following Monday and take that day off. You watch. It’s coming. 

Canadian Thanksgiving

So, why have I been writing so much about turkeys this early in the autumn season you’re asking? Oh, you short-sighted Americans! Have you forgotten about our friendly neighbors to the north? They have Thanksgiving too, and they celebrate it on the 2^nd Monday in October. That’s next Monday! But instead of stealing our turkey idea, could you Canadians switch to Canada Geese as your Thanksgiving bird of choice? That’s a herd that could use some thinning and, frankly, you can keep them up there. We hear a lot of talk about keeping the Asian Carp out of the states, but can we get the Canada Geese out as well? Please...

Speaking of holidays, what’s up with Eastern Orthodox Easter always being a few weeks after our Easter? This has got to be great for Fanny Farmer and Russell Stover. They have somebody to buy the stale leftover Easter candy. Jawbreaker Peeps, anyone?

Wild Turkey II

Somewhere in our history classes we all (at least here in the states – hello international readers!) learned that the United States almost picked the wild turkey as out national bird instead of the bald eagle. And I’m told the vote was pretty close, like a 40-30 vote or something. I’m not a big bald eagle guy. Every time I see them at the zoo they’re going to the bathroom. (What do they feed them, the leftover concession stuff?) But when you put the eagle next to that skinny old wild turkey, well, there’s just no comparison. Would this country even be in existence today if we had chosen the turkey?

I’m really thankful for Squanto and his friends at that first Thanksgiving, but I want to hear about the guy who domesticated and fattened up the turkey. Thank goodness for him. I also wanna hear more about the guy who invented gravy. Yeah.