Wedding Card

Kroger now has a same sex wedding card for sale. They even have a category called “Same Sex Wedding Cards”. The curious thing here is that there is only one card in the category. Yeah, the couple getting married is likely to receive a lot of copies of that card. So the question is: if you’re going to go ahead and establish the category, shouldn’t you have more than one card in that category? ‘Cause now it looks like it’s not much of an effort. It looks like somebody at headquarters said, “OK. You can create the category, but we’re only putting one card in it!” 

This decision could lead to other problems, like when a guy comes home with the groceries: “Herb, I told you to get a wedding card! This is a same sex wedding card.” Developing…   

(One Less Bell to Answer,) One Less Egg to Fry

I’ve pretty much always been intrigued with small town diners. You know, the ones along the two lane highways. Historically, those diners were a risky place to eat. You never knew what you were going to get, quality-wise.  Well, now we have online restaurant reviews to take away the risk. So yeah, we were traveling through this small town yesterday, and there was this mom and pop diner in the middle of town. We didn’t stop but I remembered the name and looked it up on the Yelp last night. The first review started, “Food arrived with egg missing”.  This could mean any of the following:

•          Fox in the hen house (or the kitchen)?
•          Ran out of Pam?
•          Cook has double vision?
•          Check the bottom of the other plates?

When I get time, I’m gonna read the other reviews and see if anybody got an extra egg.

Nothing Up My Sleeve

The cold and flu season is especially bad this year, isn’t it? Entire schools are closing, I’m told. I thought sneezing into our elbows instead of our hands was supposed to lessen the effect of the flu and colds. That sure hasn’t worked, has it? Regardless, I think we’re still supposed to sneeze into our elbows. But they never tell the rest of that equation which is the following: This elbow sneezing should affect what we wear when we have a cold. Black tops, jackets, shirts are out. (I’m not sure you can sneeze into your elbow at a funeral, for instance.) Navy is out. No dark grays. Same for Forrest Green (didn’t he manage the Phillies?). Bright reds are out (yes, I know it’s Valentine’s Day – Sorry!) Instead try to go with light blues, beige/tan, pastels maybe. A nice print. Something that won’t show the sneeze.   

Hey, it doesn’t take a genius to figure this stuff out.

Fence Post

Some people across town have the invisible fence in their back and front yards. I guess that’s better than no fence at all. So of course their dog is out in the front yard all day. Is that necessary? Do we really need dogs in our front yards? Isn’t this really a case of the home owner bragging about his invisible fence? “Hey, did you notice my dog’s in the front yard, man? Yeah. She can’t get out. It’s ‘cause we’ve got the Invisible Fence. Yeah.”  I’m sorry. I just don’t want to see dogs running around in front yards. I guess I would be more OK with the front yard thing if the dog could be trained to “go” in the back yard. Is it asking too much to have the dog do that out back? I don’t need to see that when I’m driving by…

I had my dog trained to "go" into a plastic bag. That cuts out that whole middle clean up step, you know. I guess now I'm the one bragging...

February

I saw this movie called “Movie Movie” many years ago. It's entertaining and it stars George C. Scott and Art Carney, two of my favorites. George plays this Broadway director who develops a severe cough, so finally his friends talk him into going to see a doctor. The doctor is played masterfully by Carney. They go through the exam process and eventually Art comes back to the examination room and tells George, “I’ve got bad news. You’re in the advanced stage of cancer and you’ve only got a month to live.” George pauses, catches his breath and asks, “30 days?” The doctor responds, “No. It’s February.”

Llama Store RIP

Back in December I wrote about our new llama and alpaca store (“Tastes Like Cchicken” December 18^th). Well, that store is already closed! It closed before I could find out what it was. It looks like they just “packed up” in the middle of the night and bolted. I hear that these are seasonal operations, kind of like the Halloween stores that show up at the older shopping centers in September. You know, those old shopping centers that have maybe a church at one end and maybe a paintball place at the other end? And maybe they still have a food court, but you wonder if that slice of pizza is the same one that was out there last week…

From a synergy standpoint, I’m OK with the Llama store being near the church. The llama could be used in the living nativity scene at Christmas. At the other end of the spectrum (and the shopping center), the llamas might not interact as well with the paintballers…