Important Call

What’s the most annoying phrase you’ve heard on someone’s voicemail message? Is it “I’m not able to take your call right now.”? Yeah. That’s an obvious one, isn’t it? My least favorite is “Your call is important to me”. What’s up with that statement? Can we get rid of “Your call is important to me” please? That callee doesn’t know the content or purpose of the call. They don’t even know who the caller is. They can’t possibly know if the call is important to them.  

I think I’m going to change my message to, “If this call is an emergency please hang up and dial 911”. You can’t go wrong with that.   

At Capacity

We got on an elevator yesterday that had a maximum capacity of 6 people. That’s scary. Do they even make elevators like that anymore? And that capacity was probably set when people were thin. So yeah. It was an old elevator. We got on it. But it got me to thinking. When you ride in an elevator, do you look at the certificate that says when it was last inspected? You do that when the elevator is already running, don’t you? Yeah, I do that too. We all do… 

Can we get the capacity and the inspection certificate on the outside of the elevator so we know the elevator’s limitations before we get on it?  We need something to read while we’re waiting anyway…

Oh, and how about the elevators that measure capacity in total pounds? I hate having to ask everybody their weight and add it all up…

Harry Fit

So yeah, the queen has OK’d Harry and Meghan to leave the royal family. That had to be tough for her. What if she had said “No”? Could she have jailed them? Put them on some island? I think they made their move too soon. ‘Cause what if Scotland votes to separate from Great Britain? Harry could have just moved up there and become their king. That would be a pretty slick move. I would have waited for that opportunity and THEN left the royal family. You moved too quick, Harry… 

So I guess the question becomes: will Harry get a last name now? Or will he still just be Harry? When they got married, Meghan had to keep her last name ‘cause Harry didn’t have one for her to take. I heard their wedding invitations said “Come to the wedding of Meghan Markle and Harry”…

I blame Meghan for this separation. Heck, we all do. I bet she, being a movie star and all, turned to him one day and said, “Go ahead Harry – make my day.” The rest is history.

Driver's Ed

While out driving this morning I got caught in the slow lane. I could see that the car a couple of cars ahead of us had a sign on the roof. That meant it had to be one of two things: a driver’s ed car, or a pizza delivery car. That got me thinking. Since we are at full employment and it’s so hard to find workers, why not combine driver’s education and pizza delivery? Driver training requires 50 hours of supervised driving. Why not earn $10 per hour delivering pizzas while getting your hours in, kids? Yeah, the instructor (or a parent!) would have to be in the car of course. But that money Papa John or whoever pays you can be used toward the cost of the driving instruction. C’mon! This makes way too much sense.

It really doesn’t take a genius to figure this stuff out.

Pay it Backwards

Many times now my wife has had someone pay for her coffee or food when she’s in a drive thru. Usually the buyer is the driver of the vehicle in front of her. It’s customary then for her to pay for the person behind her in line. Apparently the record at our local McDonalds for this activity is six consecutive cars. I suppose the winner in this process is the last car when there’s nobody behind them for them to pay for…

Nobody’s ever done this for me. I tried to do this once for a friend at a turnpike toll both (see post dated January 23, 2017). It didn’t work. With my luck at McDonald’s I’d be ahead of that family with 7 kids. I may try this at the walk up ice cream place. Not sure that works…

I’ve paid for the people behind me in the drive thru before but they say paying for people in my back seat doesn’t count…  

The Sound of Christmas

I heard “My Favorite Things” used as a Christmas Carol again this year. Isn’t this a song from “The Sound of Music”? What am I missing here? The song is not about Christmas. It’s not about people even. Heck, it’s not even about pets. (OK, yeah, there’s a line about “whiskers on kittens”.) It’s a song about thinking about stuff when you’re sad. Like when your country – World War II Germany in this movie - is trying to take over the world!

OK, yeah, I see references in the lyrics to snowflakes and sleigh bells but I also see references to rain drops and roses. So yeah, I think using it as a Christmas Carol is a stretch.  

Can we replace it with “O Tannenbaum”? I have no issues with “O Tannenbaum”. Do they also sing "Rockin' Around the Tannenbaum" in Germany?

Chilly Holiday Movie Observations:

Some observations on the holiday movie slate:

• Walt Disney’s Frozen II - First there was Walt Disney’s Frozen. I assume that was about Walt’s body being frozen after he died. Cryogenics. And Walt Disney’s Frozen II is about Walt Jr I bet.  Is the music by Ice T?
•  Uncut Gems/Richard Jewell – Do we need both of these movies? Can they be packaged in a double feature maybe? Music by Neil Diamond?
• Little Women – Shouldn’t this really be shown only on the small screen? Music by Spice Girls?
• Arctic Dogs – Unlike Frozen, these characters are cold but still alive. Music by Coldplay.
• Cats – Wait. What? Idris Elba is in this movie? Huh? Not recommended by anyone but at least the cats stay warm. Music by Snoop Dog.

See you at the mega complex!