The Fruits (And Pink Meat) of Victory

Do you get those cell phone calls labeled “Potential Spam”? I get them; they usually come right before lunch and right before dinner. I never answer. But don't you wonder why you’re getting calls about processed meat right before your meals? Aren't these calls just disguised advertisements for Spam, the delicious pink canned quasi-pork product? Do you find yourself eating more pork when you get these calls? These people know what they’re doing. 

It doesn’t take a genius to figure this stuff out...

Spam was invented during WWII and has survived 80 years. It was fed to our armed forces during the war. Spam is still around. It reminds people of our victory I guess. Had we lost the war perhaps we would not have Spam today.  I accept the trade off but it doesn't mean I have to like Spam...

 

"Filling" You in About our Dentist

So yeah. Our long time dentist retired. Like most dental offices, you didn’t get to talk to him much. After the hygienist cleaned your teeth and took x-rays, he’d come in, look at your x-rays, maybe look in your mouth, and maybe ask about your family or church or something. But this was never how he dealt with our younger son. The dentist repeatedly over the years took the time to urge him to get a job so he could “get off his dad’s dental insurance”. This always struck us as odd, since one, our son was like 20 at the time this started, two, he was on his mother’s plan, not mine, and three, the dentist never said this to our older son, who was also on his mother’s dental plan.

Based on the fact that both sons now have their own dental insurance, I’m gonna conclude that the dentist’s insurance comments or lack thereof had no bearing on either of them getting dental insurance. Maybe this was some weird experiment or something. If I see him again, should I ask him if he’s on his son’s dental insurance now that he’s retired? That’s tempting… 

Hopefully his retiring will not leave a cavity in my life…

New Words and Phrases for 2020

As we approach the two-thirds mark of the year, here are our new words and phrases for 2020. Here we go!

•          Ookay – When you’re slightly surprised by an idea but you’re all right with it
•          Hide-a-beard – When a guy takes off his mask and reveals a little beard that you didn’t expect
•          Covidio – instructional videos about the virus
•          Blinding – When your camera is turned off on a Zoom call (see muted)
•          “19” Day Disabled List – a special disabled list for players with the virus
•          Mooted – When you’re on the call and your camera is on but you’re obviously not paying attention. “Jerry was on the call with HR but he was mooted.”

And this year we have one word we need to get rid of:

•          Co-ed. Sounds too much like Covid. “Poor Jerry. He though he had signed up for the Co-ed dorm.  

 

Dentist Salute

My dentist is retiring and I'd like to salute him with this post from a few years ago:

 

After he gives you a filling or a crown or something, my dentist provides you a list of stuff not to eat. The list is old and looks like it has been copied a million times. The first item on the list is Jujubes, the chewy, gummy candy I associate with the mid-twentieth century. Jujubes were like a cross between gummy worms and granite. But really, what are my odds of eating Jujubes? Do they even still make those things? And what’s with that name? I think normal Jujubes maybe wouldn’t hurt your teeth if they were fresh. The problem was, they were always so stale…

Our kids’ pediatrician dentist had no individual examination offices, just this big room with kids all over the place. Kind of the one room school house look. And there was always one kid screamin’ somewhere in the room. Of course the dentist never made reference to the screaming kid. We were all supposed to ignore him. As a parent with my child though, I was always tempted to say something like, “I see you’ve got a screamin’ kid over there. Did you catch him with some Jujubes?”

 

Eight is Enough

I ran across a pizza offer from a local shop this week: A large pizza with up to eight items for $10. Wait, what? Eight items? How do they make any money at this? Well, I, for one, like the offer. I think it’s a risk worth taking on the shop’s part. Here’s why:

•      Multiple people can’t possibly agree on 8 items (“I hate black olives!”)
•          Most people can’t even think of 8 items
•          The shop can cut back on each of the toppings ‘cause there are so many toppings. We’re talking like 3 olives here…
•          With that kind of offer, it doesn’t have to be very good

So yeah, throw the offer out there.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure this stuff out.

 

Old String

We had a discussion today about expiration dates on dental floss. Yeah, those dates exist. Wait. What, you ask? Why would there be an expiration date on dental floss? Is there an expiration date on kite string? Shoe laces? Soap on a rope?

So yeah, what's with expiration dates on dental floss? I think it’s so the stores have to keep a fresh inventory. It also helps you keep track of your flossing. If you have the floss beyond its expiration date, it means you haven’t flossed enough. Get busy!

One of the great deals out there is the candy necklace. It’s basically a string full of candies that you can

1.        Wear it as a necklace
2.        Eat the candy
3.        Use the string to floss

It’s a fun way to inspire kids to floss. And there's no expiration date on the necklaces.

The Symptoms (no, not Bart and Lisa)

They say you lose your sense of taste when you get Covid-19. Well, here’s some practical advice: if you have Covid-19, and if you feel up to it, why not eat some of the food in your pantry or freezer that you don't like? If you can’t taste it, what’s the harm? You might have a pound of liver in your freezer that you haven’t been able to get rid of for a couple of years. Or, you might have an expired can of creamed corn that you’ve held on to waiting for the next food drive at school. My guess is that there won’t be any food drives for a while…   

I think Kroger should advertise creamed corn with signs like, "Great for Food Drives".