Beef Grief

I went to Costco the other day when I was hungry. In fact, I might have even been “hangry”. That’s a new word that I’ve learned – it means you’re so hungry that you’re angry. So hungry you would go to  Hardees and eat and then be even more angry afterwards ‘cause you ate at Hardees. So yeah, I was in Costco (I’m a member), and I was there to buy something, but I was kind of looking for those free food samples they have there to combat my hanger (another new word!). The first sample display when I walked in that day was beef jerky. They were handing out these huge chunks of jerky and it was delicious! Problem is, it took me the whole time I was in the store to chew the stuff. So, yeah Costco, your plan worked. I could not partake in all the other samples. So you saved some serious money.

I walked out of there even more hangry than when I walked in. It doesn’t take a genius to figure these guys out. What’s next? Jawbreaker samples? Chewing tobacco?

Tribute Bands

What’s with all these tribute bands? It’s one thing to try to sound like a famous group, but to dress like them too? Weird. But these groups are everywhere. How long before we have what I’ve dubbed Tier II Tribute Bands? These would be bands who are a tribute to a tribute band.

But why limit these tribute acts to bands or individual singers? Why not have comedian tribute people? If people pay to see a Liza Minnelli tribute why not a Paula Poundstone tribute person? And how about  tribute athletes?  These guys could hire themselves out as sports banquet speakers. Heck, they might be better speakers than the real guys. “He even looked like Derek Jeter, Dad!” Or, ”I thought OJ was in prison, Dad!”

Bus Races

Continuing in our summer transportation series, have any of you readers ever been to one of those figure 8 school bus races? I went to one many years ago with my kids. It was entertaining but not quite what I expected. First of all, there were no kids on the buses. (I think maybe my kids thought that they were gonna have to ride.) Secondly, the buses do not collide. I had expected some high speed collisions or at least some near misses at the center intersection. No. The race seemed to mainly consist of buses stopping at the intersection and then going through the gears to get going again, only to have to stop at the intersection again.  If I recall correctly, no bus ever passed another bus.

At least the bus did not cross any railroad tracks where they have to stop and open the door and look down the tracks for a train. I always wondered: what if the train was coming from the left?

The Onion

I have no issues with onions as a pizza ingredient. I like a pizza with sausage, green pepper and onions. Or pepperoni, green pepper and onions. Or sausage, pepperoni, green pepper and onions. Or… well, you get the idea. But, what’s with having to pay for the onions? They’re onions! They come free with everything else. You don’t pay for onions in your hash browns or on your hamburger or hot dog. Or your chili mac. The typical pizza joint charges the same for onions that they charge for pepperoni, ham, or bacon. But hey, they’re just onions. You can get a 20 lb bag of onions at Costco for, what, four bucks or something? This has been going on too long.

Have you ever reached into your refrigerator produce drawer for an apple and accidentally got an onion and you didn’t realize it was an onion until you bit into it? I haven’t done that, but if you have, share your experience with us here at Uncle Tommy. We’d love to hear about it.  

Meat & Greet

Have you ever had a meat salesman come to your door? We did once. It was on a busy Friday night about 6PM. The doorbell rang and there was this sales guy standing there. Since I was hungry (hangry maybe?) I let him in. He talked a good line. His briefcase was full of steaks, chops, a roast, you name it. He showed me the meat in this scrapbook like thing with plastic pockets. It was a beautiful demonstration - the sales pitch was working on me. Think about it: is there a better approach than to bring meat to someone’s house at 6PM when they’re probably in there eating Sugardale hot dogs or Tuna Helper?  My chance to score on this meat all came crashing down when somehow our dog got loose and started to go after the scrapbook. That got my wife’s attention and she said that it was time to go to the football game. So the meat guy had to leave.

The Meat Man never came back. But even to this day, when I hear that doorbell ring, I salivate. Just a little.