One of the Valentine's gift ideas I stumbled across this week is
the Personal Branding Iron. Gals put their guy’s initials on it, or “I love Dad”
or something like that on it. You heat it for seven minutes in the coals of
your grill or on your spare burner, and then you burn your brand onto your steak. I
guess maybe that prevents anyone else from eating it. (I always thought the
brand went on the cow out in the barnyard a little earlier in the process). Now, this sounds to me like one of those kind
of unnecessary gifts, like the pet rocks from 20 years ago. (“What are you gonna
get Roy for Valentine’s Day?” “Well, he doesn’t have one of those branding
irons Edna.”) Doesn’t this just sound like trouble though? I picture a conversation between lovers like,
“Darling, I don't have any money, and the tattoo parlor stopped their 90 days same as cash program, but I
have this branding iron my old girlfriend gave me.” I’m telling you, I just
don’t like these branding irons.
At least when the police come to the ER and ask “Who did
this to you?” they’d have some clues.
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