I Can See for Miles

In our holiday travels, my wife and I saw a sign tonight that read: Exit 1/3 mile ahead. One-third mile!! We’d never seen that before. The signs usually say one mile ahead, and less often ½ mile ahead. Once in a great while you might see ¾ mile ahead. But never 1/3 mile. As you can see 1/3 does not even get reduced to the smaller font like ½, ¼, or ¾, ‘cause nobody says 1/3 of a mile.

There’s a reason the highway designers use the distances like one mile or ½ mile. They know that just about everybody ran track at some point in their life. People know those distances. I ran the mile, the half mile, the quarter mile. But no, your personal trainer never has you run 1/3 of a mile. If you do run the 1/3 mile, chances are you'll hold the world record, 'cause nobody runs the 1/3 mile. 

I didn’t miss the exit. But it sure messed up my timing on when to turn on my blinker.  

White Christmas

Gift wrapping is a nice service, isn’t it? You get your gift wrapped, take it home, and there’s zero chance someone at home’s gonna find out what you bought, cause it’s wrapped. The wrappers at the mall always do a nice job, and they use better paper than that stuff you have at home. But there’s a group that wraps even better than those wrappers at the mall. I take my gifts to my butcher and get them wrapped in that nice, thick white butcher paper. Try this for a change of pace surprise for your family this year – you’ll be the talk of the tannenbaum! 

And just for kicks, have one of the packages be meat!

Merry Christmas!

Cat Skills

Cats are born in litters. However, they’re not born in a litter box. No. But the word litter refers to sibling cats, typically around 4 cats, all born on the same day. So, the term “litter box” sounds like a family-type restroom for cats, like the ones you see at the ball parks for  humans, where you think your whole family should go in and then you go in and there’s just one toilet. What’s up with that?

If these family litter boxes existed for cats to go in together, would cats go into the box with just anybody, or would they be more likely to go in with a cat from their own litter?

Can you purchase litter by the liter?

I bet there’s some country in Asia or someplace where you place your trash in a litter box…

On Dasher!

I love and respect Door Dash drivers. I do. That’s hard work. But do you ever drive to pick up dinner, and when you get to the restaurant your food’s not ready and you stand there with the door dash people, and one of your old friends or somebody from the club sees you there and they think that you lost your day job or your retirement’s not working out and you had to become a Door Dash guy? That happened to me last night. I was at a nice restaurant waiting for my food and saw some old friends. I couldn’t tell them, “I’m not a Door Dash guy”, ‘cause I was standing there with the Door Dash/Uber Eats guys and I didn’t want to embarrass them. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a Door Dash guy. I respect them. 

Actually this is how Door Dash gets you to use their service. They know you maybe don’t want to stand around with the Door Dash guys in restaurant lobbies. So you use Door Dash. Pretty simple. It doesn’t take a genius to figure this stuff out. Yeah. I took a marketing course in college.

Text Mess

Today I tried to call a business consultant I know. He didn’t answer but I immediately got a text from him before I could leave him a message. The text read: “Sorry I can’t take your call now. I’ll call you back very soon.” Well, I fell for it. I did. I always do. Yeah. I pulled the phone from my ear to read his text. By the time I got the phone back to my ear, his voicemail message was over, so I didn’t know if he was maybe in a meeting or maybe off skiing or something. (I’m not sure if he’s a skier, but he sometimes wears one of those cool tight ski caps.) And I missed the beep, so I didn’t leave him a message.

I’ll take partial blame here. Yeah, I shouldn’t be checking texts when I’m on the phone (driving or not!). But, do we need his text message if there’s already a voice message on his voicemail? At a minimum, the following needs to be added to the above text message: “And sorry if this text caused you to miss leaving me a voice message.”

Vows

Friends of mine renewed their vows on their 50^th anniversary last month. They did it on a beach in Mexico surrounded by family. (That “surrounded by family” bit sounds a little too much like dying to me but maybe that’s just me.) At any rate, it sounds like it was a wonderful ceremony. The beach, the sun, mariachi music, a nice meal afterwards. And they each wrote their own vows. I like that!

I didn’t have the heart to ask him, (and I don’t think he reads this), but are vow renewals in Mexico legal in the US? Do they even count? Do I offer to have them read their vows to me here in the states, at least on a zoom?

Sea Cruise

Today when I was doing a bit a shopping, I asked a friendly clerk if she was ready for Christmas. She said that, yes, she was, and she had better be because she was going on a cruise the week of Christmas. She proceeded to tell me that one of the stops was in The Bahamas. I asked her if she was aware that none of the NASA  rockets lifted off from Nassau in the Bahamas. She, totally missing the joke, told me the rockets take off at Cape Canaveral. Frustrating…

In hindsight I guess I could have asked her if all the Carnival Cruises ship out there at Cape Carnival…