Uncle Chad's Select Thoughts?

Today I encountered new security questions when attempting to access a website. We addressed this issue way back in ’15 (See “Security Questions” - December 13, 2015). Well, these security questions have only gotten weirder. One of the questions they wanted me to answer today was: “What is the name you wish you had?” Wait. What? Who writes these questions? I mean, yeah, I, like everybody else, had a California name in college (mine was Chad Stevens) but that was a long time ago. Does the average Joe out there want to change his name? Does this site think I’m on the lam, seeking witness protection maybe? I have no desire to change my name…

The expense relating to a name change of this blog alone would be reason enough for me not to change my name…  

New Number Words

I was never a big fan of the word “threepeat”, but, in hindsight, I kinda like it, and I wish I had coined it. In an effort to invent the next great “number word”, here are some suggestions:

•          Fivehead – a really big forehead
•          Fivethought – exceptional forethought. Thinking outside of that area outside the box. Not to promote myself but see “Turnpike of the Future” recent post
•          Threethought – weak forethought. Maybe near the edge of the box but still within the box
•          19^th Wheel – Extra guy who just kind of hangs around the truckers, perhaps lacks direction and doesn’t really have a role
•          Two-Switch-Flip – when two people at opposite ends of a hallway unknowingly turn the lights on at the exact same time resulting in the lights turning off immediately after turning on making them think that they’ve tripped a circuit breaker

Feel free to use these. Let’s get ‘em out there.

Uncle's Got a Brand New Bag

We were walking out of the hospital recently and noticed that they have tear off rain hoods to use. Wow, what a nice touch, I thought. Who wants to get rained on when they’re just getting out of the hospital? But then I looked closer at the hoods. These “hoods” were nothing more than giant versions of the tear off produce bags they have at your local supermarket. Seemed pretty dangerous to me – what if the bag slips down over your face? I guess they figure you’re already at the hospital if something goes wrong…

I was at the grocery recently and saw a guy putting his bananas in one of those produce bags. Really? Bananas? Yeah, let’s put our canned goods in individual plastic bags too…

Have you seen the produce bags at Costco (where I’m a member)? No, I haven’t either but I bet they’re full size garbage can bags. Or tear off dry cleaner bags maybe…

Turnpike of the Future

We were on the turnpike yesterday going into Pennsylvania. The sign at the tollgate says “Cash Only” but you can use a debit card if you want. They just don’t tell you. (I had to ask.) The debit card takes longer to process and the cars pile up behind you and the toll dude gets mad. But I didn’t want to use my cash so it was what it was. I may have gone too far though when I asked the toll dude if he could give me “cash back” when I paid my toll. I told him I thought that’d be a nice way to promote people spending money in Pennsylvania. He just raised the gate and motioned for me to go ahead. But I could tell from his facial expression that he knew I was on to something and that it would probably come to fruition in the not too distant future.

Knowing the future is not all about bringing joy to people. Some people hate the future.

Show Off at the Gym

We ate at a nice restaurant the other day and could look out the windows and see the nearby gym. The gym had huge windows and you could see people working out inside. I think seeing these people work out made me order less food at the restaurant. We did not get dessert. I’m not sure that these two businesses complement each other very much…

Some people evidently prefer these gyms with the large windows so people can watch them working out from the outside. I bet you have to be approved to work out in front of the windows. You never see the sweaty fat guy with the gray sweat pants in the window...

Aren’t these people in the windows like that one monkey at the zoo who draws the huge crowds ‘cause he plays to the crowd? The other monkeys pretty much hate that monkey, don’t they? 

Makin' the Crime Scene

Some people read the comics. I say, “Why do we need comics in the paper when we can read about real life?” Today I read the crime report in the paper. The very first one listed was a guy whose house had been broken into. The only item stolen was deodorant. That’s what it said. I’m not making this up. Uncle Tommy doesn’t do that. So, yeah, we know that nobody’s gonna break into a house just to steal deodorant, right?  

Well, here’s what I think happened. Some guy thinks his girlfriend dumped him ‘cause he smelled bad. So he faked a break-in at his own house, to make her think that his deodorant had been stolen. It’s gotta be that, doesn’t it? It doesn’t take a genius to figure this stuff out…

I’ll ask the sheriff tomorrow at Rotary.