Early Bird

We just got invited to a suite at a football game. The game is the week before Thanksgiving. That is great, ‘cause it gets pretty cold to sit outside for a game that late in the season. And I always enjoy singing the national anthem really loud in the suite. So I was very appreciative of the invitation. But I was disappointed when I saw what was on the menu for that game. Apparently, since it is the week before Thanksgiving, they are serving turkey and sweet potatoes. C’mon! This type of thing irritates me. And it happens all the time. Why do people do it? I want my turkey on Thanksgiving to be special, not a rehash of what I had the prior week. I’ve never understood the serving of turkey at luncheons and dinners the week before Thanksgiving. Hey, while we’re at it, let’s have an egg hunt on Palm Sunday, or serve corned beef hash a week before our Jiggs Dinner on St Patrick’s Day.

  

Well, it could be worse. Would they ever dare serve mushroom casserole at a football game?

Low Wait

     

In my many travels, I’ve seen the sign “Low Wait” in the front window of hair salons a couple of times. I’ve seen it in two different cities and it has caught my eye. Well, I’m not sure what it means, but I think it’s a translation error, which, if corrected, could mean either one of two things:

A.            Short wait

B.            Low weight

I think the first option is likely the proper translation. They are likely advertising that there is a short wait to get a hair cut. Their waiting room is almost empty or it just has some bald guy in it who doesn’t take long (but still pays full price). In this case the barber often does some fake snipping to stretch the time with the bald man but it still doesn't take long, and when it’s over, you look on the floor and there’s hardly any hair down there.

But it’s possible the second translation could be correct. They may have a slightly broken barber chair that they would not trust with a heavier person. Or perhaps they’ve heard of the 1100 man I referred to in my previous post (see “Pound of Flesh” 8/25/16). They’d prefer not to have him in their chair.

Pound of Flesh

We were visiting a friend at the hospital a while back, and an employee pushing a gurney volunteered that he had transported an 1100 pound man the day before. You read that right. One thousand one hundred pounds. That’s heavier than my whole family. I don’t think the employee was exaggerating, because, if he was, he would have said 1000, not 1100 lbs. People generally round off when they exaggerate. They don’t use numbers like 1100.

So, I’m thinking, do the patient files on the hospital computer even have a four digit field for weight? If the fields only contain 3 digits, do they just enter his weight at 999 lbs? Or do they admit him as 2 people maybe and split the weight? Can they refuse to admit him? Does it even matter at that point? 

In the animal world there are small animal veterinarians and farm animal veterinarians. Are we humans headed for that?

'room on the Plate

I went to a luncheon yesterday. It was a gathering of maybe 200 people. The hosts of the luncheon decided that the lunch would be vegetarian. That’s a bit unusual for these parts. It was the first time this group had ever gone vegetarian with their lunch choice. There was no salad, just bread. The main dish was a mushroom casserole (OK, they didn’t call it that, but that’s what it was) which incorporated pine nuts and some goat cheese (see previous post dated 8/20/16). The reception for the entree was mixed. My first thought was: if you’re gonna go vegetarian for the first time, do you go really go with mushrooms? I like mushrooms but I think maybe 40% of the people around here do not. The other issue was that there was nothing else on the plate, just the little 3x3 inch square of mushroom casserole. That got me to thinking: when the vegetable becomes the main course, what takes the place of the vegetable? Shouldn’t we still get some vegetables or something where the vegetables used to go? What goes on the other 80% of the plate?

The good news from this abbreviated meal experience is that after we ate nobody fell asleep during the presentation. But until they figure out what goes where the vegetables used to go, I have to consider this meal idea a rip off. Sorry if that makes me sound like a Red Meat Neck (see post dated 11/26/15). 

Go(a)t Milk?

Here’s a good question for you. What meat is the most popular meat in the world? Fish? Beef? Chicken? Walnut meats? Mince meat? Well, the answer is goat. I heard this straight from my butcher. He says goat can be very good. 

So what’s with goat cheese? I always just see it described simply as “goat cheese”. But  aren’t there varieties of goat cheese overseas? Is there goat mozzarella (Goatzarella)? Goat cottage cheese? Goata?  Goat cheesecake? And, do they have a version of Velveta, made from Goat cheese product? There must be varieties but I’ve not seen them. And do they have to put the word "goat" in front of cheese in other countries, like we do? I really hope the people in these countries have more than one variety of cheese.If one of you readers could look into this, that would be great...

When someone gets their picture taken overseas, does the photographer yell “Say goat cheese”?

Groupon

We rarely use groupons at our house but we get emails for them every day. Now we even get emails for groupons giving discounts on groupons. I struggle telling restaurant personnel that I’ve got a groupon.  Whatever I manage to say, it translates to “We’re not going to pay you full price for dinner. Yeah, you’ll get some measly amount back from the groupon company, but it won’t be that much. And yeah, I probably will err on the tip calculation, ‘cause the lighting is bad and I can’t see well enough to add back what my wife’s meal would have cost and then multiply that sum by 18 or 20%.” Beware of those restaurants that have policies where the groupon has to be presented when you order, instead of when you pay. If you’re like me, once you’ve told the waiter that you’re using a groupon, you wonder about your food quality. They may give you that odd piece of veal or goat cheese that’s been kicking around the fridge all week. So yeah, all this worrying surrounding the groupon might just ruin your meal. You might just be better off without that groupon. 

Groupon is a cool word though. I wish I had made that one up. As we approach the fall and colder weather, I may develop the "Soupon” concept. Stay tuned.