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It’s Girl Scout cookie season. Some select thoughts:

•            Samoas – when people are on those cruise ships in the south seas, do they ask the captain to stop in American Samoa to get cookies? I bet there’s one guy who asks that question. (No, I’ve not been on a cruise. I'm not the guy.)
• Cameroons – No. There’s no cookie named the Cameroon. Not yet. But there should be. I like the sound of it. When I was young we had a kid at our church named Cameron. One Sunday we had a missionary visit from Cameroon. After that everybody called Cameron Cameroon. I’ve lost touch with him so I don’t know if he still goes by Cameroon. Cameroon, if you’re reading this, let us know!

The Girl Scouts stopped making S’mores this year apparently. The name was too close to Samoas.  So close, in fact, that I be there’s one guy on at least some of the cruise ships, who asks the captain to stop in American S’more for cookies…

On Tour

Our county jail wasn’t big enough anymore so they had to add on to it. The project is finished now so the sheriff invited the local media in for a showing.This is a tough job for the sheriff because he wants to show the tax payers what their tax money went towards, but he doesn’t want to make it look so nice that people would want to live there. So yeah, he’s walking a thin line. 

Tours for the public are available. They take you there by bus. There are some guidelines I’ll throw out there for jail tours:

• Stay with the group. If you linger too far behind, they might think you’re an inmate. Carry some identification just in case. Use the buddy system.
  
• Don’t wear orange.
• Don’t use this as an opportunity to track down old friends.

Most importantly, don’t get on the wrong bus when you leave.

The Wiry James Madison

President’s Day was yesterday. This year's presidential focus is on James Madison, our fourth president. At 5’4” and 100 lbs, Madison was our smallest president. Our researchers here at Uncle Tommy’s have concluded that, because of his size, when parents want to name their baby girls after a US president, the name Madison is the most popular. We never see girls named Taft, for instance, but Madison is a common name.

Likewise, in our city, Madison Avenue is the narrowest of the downtown streets named after the presidents. Coincidence? You decide.

I knew a woman named Sue who fell on the ice crossing Madison Ave and broke her arm. We nicknamed her Sue Falls. Later she sued the city for personal damages after which we changed her nickname to Sue City.  

I never asked her, but, with it being such a narrow street and all, I bet she tried to cross on a red light and had to hurry. 

Super Bowl IV

Patrick Mahomes’ wife posted pictures of herself getting an IV drip prior to the Chiefs’ victory parade in Kansas City. Yeah, this 28 year old mother of two was getting an IV treatment. I see this as a three step process: 1) perceived need, 2) getting the treatment, 3) taking pictures of yourself during the treatment and, 4) posting the pics. (Like I said, four steps.)  Some questions:

•               If she needs this when she’s 28, what’s she gonna need when she’s 38? A transfusion?
•   Did the kids get one (two)?
•     Did she think she was going to walk in the parade?  

Maybe she thought she was going to have to walk through both Kansas Cities. 

Personally I think she did this in honor of the Chiefs who won Super Bowl IV back when I was a kid. If that’s the case, it was a nice touch.

Soup Etiquette

Have you ever looked at a pot of soup at a buffet after the guys ahead of you took all the noodles and the vegetables and the meat and just left you broth? That’s no fun, is it? And you want to walk by their table and show them your bowl of broth? Soup etiquette says you can’t do that.     

My wife and I were out at a nice restaurant for lunch last week. We had had a large breakfast so I just ordered a bowl of soup. It was beef barley and it was delicious. After a few minutes our attentive waitress came by and asked us if we wanted refills on our coffee. I wanted to ask her for a refill on my soup, but I know you’re not allowed to do that. Soup etiquette.

One of our readers noted that it’s too bad you can’t do the soup refill ‘cause it would be simpler than the coffee refill - you wouldn’t have to deal with that awkward issue of whether or not to leave room for cream.

V-Day

Valentine’s Day needs to be a day off. How do you schedule a lunch or breakfast meeting on that day without coming across as trying to be romantic? And then you have the roaming tuxedoed barbershop quartet guys in the restaurants and you sit there in your business meeting in fear, hoping they don’t mistakenly come to your booth, ‘cause you’re not there for romance.

I get it. Valentine’s Day is when these guys make their money and they sure beat the birthday singing waiters at Applebees where one of the requirements of employment is to be tone deaf. What do these quartet members do the rest of the year?  And why aren’t they working their day jobs on Valentine’s Day? Do they have day jobs?

Here’s my recommendation: approach your boss about getting Valentine’s Day off. Nobody’s gonna apply themselves on that day anyway with so much romance in the air. Tell your boss you’ll work that extra day on the 29^th if you get the 14^th off. Sounds like a win-win to me. Yeah.

Shoe Store(y)

I’ve known a couple people who, when they write to me, address me as Thom. Not Thomas, but Thom. Am I missing something? They don’t pronounce the H when they say my name but they put it in there when they write it. Is Thom some weird consolidation of Tom Thumb into one word? I’ve never been Thom. I never wanted to change my name to that.  I may have bought a pair of shoes at Thom McAn once, but I wasn’t there often enough to obtain the nickname of Thom.

Do these folks address Theodore as Thed? Anthony as Thony? Timothy as Thim?

I shouldn’t let this cause me heartburn. I’ll take some Thums…