Happy Medium

I was at a nice event Monday night where they had a buffet with some tasty pizzas. The pizzas were labeled with little signs. One said Hawaiian, one said Cheese, one said Pepperoni, one said Wee Wee Wee, all the way home. (Oops. Sorry, been playing with the grand kids a bit lately.) One said Med. Well, I thought that was unusual, because typically the signs described the ingredients on the pizza, not the size of the pizza. So yeah, I had some fun with that, asking people things like, “Did you try the medium pizza?”, and, “I think I’m gonna try that medium pizza”. Or, “Man, that medium pizza looks good.” We didn’t need any entertainment at this event!

The next morning I saw a friend who was at the event and he asked me if I had tried the Mediterranean Pizza. Uh-oh, I thought to myself. I felt pretty foolish. Am I the only one who thought that Med meant Medium? In hindsight, why would the restaurant use the abbreviation “Med” for anything other than Medium? C’mon! I guess I’d better check the ingredients next time I order a Medium.

I imagine this could get really confusing for a medium like Sylvia if she was from the Mediterranean.

 

Hose Prose

Remember when you were a kid, and it was summertime and you didn’t have a pool so your parents let you run through the sprinkler?  It was a win-win for our parents, possibly even a win-win-win, because:

1.               They didn’t have to have a pool
2.     The kids got cooled off
3.     The kids got exercise. Nobody walked through the sprinkler. We all ran. Even the soaker hose thing. We ran through that. (Was I the only one who ran through the soaker hose?)
4.   No twenty minute wait after lunch!
   
5.     The grass and maybe the garden got watered
6.     Depending on the kid’s speed, the sprinklers cleaned up the kid. The slower, heavier kids got cleaned up pretty good. The faster, nimbler kids, not so much.

Now they open up hydrants for the kids. Those kids might lose some epidermis from the water pressure, but that hydrant really cleans ‘em up.

 

Slowgans

What is with the reply “Not if I see you first!” when someone says “See you later”? I have never understood that phrase. I mean, you’re still going to see them later even if they do see you first.  What exactly am I missing here? Let’s get rid of “Not if I see you first” in 2023.

Here are a couple of other common expressions we need to drop in ’23:

•          “All day”.  This is a tag line people use when someone asks, “Is today the 20th?” Someone responds, “All day.” C’mon. That’s not necessary. The person asking knows they should know the date. They already feel bad about not knowing. Let’s not punish them for asking. 
•         “Thanks for the warning”. This of course is another reply to “See you later”. This line is older than me, and, yes, it may have been amusing when Groucho Marx or Mark Twain or somebody originally said it, but it hasn’t been funny for like 100 years. It’s okay if your grandfather says it but not if it’s said by somebody under 90.

So, am I leaving you with a void, a cavity of sorts, taking away phrases without adding anything new to replace these worn out expressions? If so, and even if not so, be on the lookout for our New Words and Phrases for 2023 coming your way in a future post. See you later!

 

When in Romaine...

Ever struggle at the grocery getting those bags in the produce section to open? It’s not healthy. Why is it not healthy, you ask? Because, too often we give up trying to open the bag and we leave the store without buying any produce. That is not healthy. You need those rutabagas (rutabagai) and kumquats.

The secret to opening these bags is to get your fingers wet. You can dampen your fingers in the sprinkler over by the romaine. Dampening your fingers will allow you to open the bags.

Do not lick your fingers! Your fingers have been on the cart. That would be the same as licking the cart. And if the cart’s been out in the cold your tongue would stick to the cart anyway. Nobody wants that embarrassment!

See you at the romaine.

 

Squirrel Tale

I’m still dealing with squirrels trying to eat my house. They eat at the wood trim for some reason. But I think I found an answer. We had some rabbit repellent on hand and I’ve been spraying that on the roof of our house and that seems to keep the squirrels away.

I thought this might be a good time to offer a couple of tips to people who are perhaps new home owners and haven’t dealt with this type of problem:

1.       You don’t need to spray the actual squirrel. There’s no need to hide in the tree and wait for the squirrel or chase them around with the spray bottle.

2.       You don’t need to spray yourself.

3.       There’s no need to wear camouflage clothing when you’re spraying this around. But if you already have it on I suppose it can’t hurt.