Another Pound of Flesh

After a big Easter meal, I thought we could all use these weight loss tips:

•          Use the salad fork – you eat less. Small bites make for a small waste line
•         Eat tough meat – Ask for it at the butcher counter. Or call ahead and have your butcher set some aside for you. Chewing longer not only prevents you from eating other stuff. It burns calories.
•          Use a dull knife – You’ll eat slower. Again, this burns calories. Pitch your steak knives. 
•          Eat foods you don’t like – Duh. Sometimes these things are so obvious…
  

So yeah, get yourself some cheap liver, make sure it’s tough, and hit those scales.

 

Ice Cream Sunday

 

I ordered a cake from our favorite bakery for my wife’s birthday. I asked for a special message on the cake since this year her birthday fell on Palm Sunday for the first time since she was born. When I picked up the cake, they showed it to me and it only said “Happy Birthday” – no mention of Palm Sunday. They offered to correct the message and I said sure. I looked at the bread while I waited.

The next day we sang “Happy Birthday” after which my wife fanned out the candles – no blowing anymore (Covid). I cut into the cake, only to find a white cake instead of the chocolate I had ordered. So yeah, we didn’t just get the wrong message on the cake, we got the wrong cake. Somebody else got our cake.

Folks, this is why I strongly discourage putting anybody’s last name on a frosting message. If somebody gets your cake by accident, they’re gonna try to hunt you down and make a trade to get their cake. And what if you already blew on it? 

Who let the Pants Out? Who? Who? Who?

I took a pair of pants to my tailor last week. I asked him if people in general were gaining or losing weight. Was there a trend? He said that half the people were gaining and half were losing. He said that his biggest problem personally was bread; he loves bread. I told him that that’s likely my problem as well.  I love bread. Then he proceeded to tell me how good the bread is at Costco. I told him I was a member (‘cause I am) and that I would have to try it.

Saturday I picked up a couple loaves and, yes, it is quite good. So yeah, I’ll likely have to go back and see him again for “alterations”.

Isn’t that like a dentist telling me to eat peanut brittle? Is that even legal?

 

Gas Prices II

If you recall (and even if you don’t recall), a recent post dealt with the apparently declining price of helium and the sign notating such at the party store reading “Reduced Helium Prices”. All this time I thought helium could only go up! Regardless, it’s the first decline in prices I’ve seen on ANYTHING this year…

In Economics we learn about the elasticity of demand which measures how sensitive the demand for a product is relative to increases or decreases in its price. Personally, I think anybody who says that party balloon sales will rise dramatically when the price of helium goes down is full of hot air!

Perhaps one of those trial balloons could be sent up to gauge the public’s opinion.

 

 

Gas Prices

I was at a store yesterday where they sell party supplies. The cashier was blowing up balloons. Behind her was a sign that read “Reduced Helium”. Hmmm, I thought to myself. There must be a helium type, or perhaps some type of helium blend that makes the balloons rise slower or perhaps not as much as regular helium. There being a few years since my high school Chemistry class, I assumed it was something that had been invented in the last few years.

Since I long for knowledge, I asked her about this “Reduced Helium”. She gave me an odd look and turned to look at the sign. She moved a balloon that had been blocking part of the sign. Moving the balloon revealed the rest of the sign. The sign now read, “Reduced Helium Prices”.

I told her that if she had used the regular helium, the balloon would have been higher and we could have seen the whole sign.