I'd Like to Buy a Vowel, Please

Today I got one of those appointment reminders texts. They typically end with the words, “To confirm txt YES. To decline txt NO.” Couple of observations:

·         Do they really need to abbreviate “text” to “txt”? I mean, what are we really saving here?

·         Do we need to reply in all caps? I think I may have replied “yes” instead of “YES”. Do I still have an appointment?

·         The “txt” does not tell me to arrive 10 minutes early. Is that rule still in effect?

·         What if I respond “YEAH” instead of “YES”?

Has anyone ever tried that last one? I’m pretty busy with this blog but I’m gonna ask the nurse about that at my appointment (if I confirmed it correctly and still have the appointment).

 

Drinking Problem

We’ve got a drinking fountain at work. It spurts the water out beyond the catch basin. It’s not even close. A normal arc for water at a drinking fountain should be about 3 inches. This thing catapults the water out maybe 15 inches. So you have to be ready with your mouth open to catch it. The odds of having your mouth in the right position are low, so you’d best be ready with a mop.

As we often do here at Uncle Tommy we’ve found a positive to this situation. These catapult-fountains can give you good, inexpensive practice for catching the chicken or fish thrown at your mouth at those restaurants where they cook right at your table and the cook guy tries to throw meat into your mouth.

I’m no good at catching meat in my mouth. So I guess I’ll practice at the fountain at work. I’m tired of going home hungry from those kinds of restaurants.  

 

Press Yes I Guess

Have you ever paid with a debit card at Walgreen’s? When you insert your card into the reader, it gives you your total and then it asks you if you’d like to contribute a dollar or “round up” your total to the next even dollar and give that extra amount to a charity of their choice. Does anybody do this? I mean, c’mon; if I’m  at a Walgreen’s I must be sick or something, right? Kind of insensitive on Walgreen’s part, don’t you think? Aren't they preying on the sick here?

I was there today and the reader thing asked me to round up. I pressed the “no” button and nothing happened. I pressed it again. Nothing. Finally, the third (harder) press, it accepted my “no”.  I bet that if you press “yes” it goes through on the first try.

That’s how they get you.

 

Finger Lickin'

Remember when people would lick their forefinger to turn a page or to go through a pile of papers? There's still a handful of people who do this. It’s disgusting, especially when they do it to library books. How in the world did this start? At some point in history were children encouraged to lick their fingers when they were handling papers? “Johnny, don’t forget to lick your fingers at school!” Or, did some actor do this which led to everybody doing it? Chewing your fingernails is strongly discouraged, but licking your fingers while turning pages is strangely never discouraged. I don’t get that…

I knew a family growing up that was so poor that they would go into KFC and lick other people’s fingers. Now that’s poor.

 

Spreading Like Wildflower

A while back I got invited to come out to one of the parks and participate in the planting of some wild flowers. Wait. What? Planting wild flowers? I struggle with the concept, ‘cause I, like most people, always thought these beautiful flowers grew on their own. I felt very disappointed, I felt cheated; this was a real shock to the system. All those pictures I took… Somebody planted those lupines?

I hope we don’t find out some day that man built the Grand Canyon. Or that some plumber built Old Faithful. Or that the Northern Lights are some guy shooting off fireworks from atop his garage in the north end...

On a more positive note, wouldn’t it be cool to find out that Mt. Rushmore was a natural phenomenon? I’d be way more likely to go see it I think…

 

Hopping Aboard the Inflation Train

I was downtown recently and needed to run into the Coney Island (needed to?) and get a hot dog. I parked at a meter, knowing I had some change. After I parked I realized I had but two nickels. A nickel gets you 4 minutes on the meter, I thought. That would have given me 8 minutes to get my dog, fries, and small Barq’s Red Cream Soda. Well, guess what? A nickel now gets you 3 minutes. Seriously? Inflation wasn’t bad enough already? Now the government feels the need to get their cut? This whole thing is ironic ‘cause, well, isn’t it the government’s job to control inflation?

Once I got my food I had to run back to my car and almost sloshed my red cream soda. The floor in the Coney Island can get pretty slippery. 

On a separate note, can a lactose intolerant person drink cream soda? They didn't know at the Coney Island...