Uniform Policy

I didn’t see much of the queen’s funeral on TV, or the telly as they would say in England. But I saw bits and pieces of it when I was at the dry cleaner. (Who says we don’t need TV’s at the dry cleaner?) I saw the part where William and Harry were in military uniforms. Those were some cool uniforms, I thought. Being at the dry cleaner, I of course asked the employee there (Tammy) what it would cost to have one of those uniforms dry cleaned. She didn’t know. She said it would depend if they had endured any actual combat. I thought that was a good answer.

I asked her if she thought William or (more likely) Harry ever wore their uniforms around the house, and maybe marched around and stuff. (You know he does…). She didn’t know.

I like having the TV at the dry cleaner.

 

The Lions & the Switch in the Wardrobe

A friend of mine offered me free tickets for the Lions – Dolphins game on October 30^th. He couldn’t go ‘cause his wife wants to host a Halloween Party that day. I told him to keep the tickets – ‘cause he was gonna go to that game! He looked at me with astonishment. I told him the plan: all he had to do was to find somebody about his size, and get that guy to wear his costume and go to the party and pretend to be him. Maybe my friend pretends to forget the ice, but he already had his costume on, so he goes to the store in his costume. He then trades places with the replacement guy at the store and that guy comes back with the ice in the same costume. Something like that. And the replacement guy mostly hangs outside at the party with the smokers so as not to bring attention to himself. And you pay the replacement guy back with some Lions tickets for another game. 

I call that a win-win.

 

New Guidelines

Is it me or does it seem like there are more three legged dogs than there used to be? Maybe they’re just getting out more - I’ve seen a couple of them this summer. I think there needs to be some unwritten rules for this growing segment of the population:

•        No staring. 
•     No pointing.
  
•        No pictures. 
•     No videos and especially no videos to America's Funniest Home Videos.
  
•       If their owners park in a handicapped spot but don’t have a handicapped pass, let it go.
•       If the dog bites you, let it go. Don’t say anything.

I hope this helps.

 

St. Bernard

I was in a meeting Friday where this woman went on (not quite on and on) about her St. Bernard’s birthday. She showed us a picture. He’s a fine looking dog. I of course asked her if they celebrated all seven of the dog’s birthdays each year – she looked at me as if I was crazy.

I’ve always wondered about St. Bernard and how a dog breed got named after him. Was he a guy who helped dogs? Was he a guy who was nominated for sainthood but didn’t quite get the votes? Did some bishop or cardinal on the panel say something like, “Look, it’s late, we’ve been talking about this guy all night, he didn’t get the votes, he's not gonna be a saint, so let's name something after him and get this meeting over with.” I’m thinking that had to be it.

Now I gotta figure out this Jack Russell guy.

 

Popeye's

I’ve never eaten at Popeye’s. I’ve got nothing against Popeye’s. It just hasn’t happened. It strikes as odd though that Popeye’s would be a chicken place when the Popeye cartoons featured that J Wellington Wimpy guy who always had a hamburger. Yeah, I get it that Wellington is beef and it wasn’t Popeye eating the hamburger. But if you’re watching Popeye and you get hungry, you’re gonna want a burger, not chicken. Hindsight’s 20/20, but if I had to name a chicken restaurant after a cartoon I think I would call it Foghorn Leghorn’s, after that big rooster guy. (Or does that sound like it’s just serving drumsticks and thighs?)

To tie in better with the cartoon, a nice touch for Popeye's would be to put some spinach on the chicken sandwich. And maybe provide a chicken fried in Olive Oil option. Is that asking too much?

 

Another One Rides the Bus

Well, it’s September, the kids are back in school and I’m seeing the yellow buses everywhere. These kids today have it made. When I was young you had to be tough to ride the bus.

•  The buses today actually stop to pick up the kids. They just slowed down for us to get on or off. Picture hopping a train.
•   The buses today have seats.
•  The buses today stop at rail crossings. We were tougher then – the trains stopped for the bus.
•  The buses today stop at red lights.
•  The buses today are heated. The only heat we had was from the bad kids lighting their cigarettes. Or you stood close to the driver ‘cause she smoked. 
• The prisons get their own bus now
  

These kids today have it made.