48 hours

 I rented a movie on Amazon Prime last week. It’s a nice service. You don’t have to go to the video rental store – it’s all right there in your TV. I thought I read where, when you rent a movie from them, you get it for 30 days. So, I could watch it Monday, and, if I liked it, I could recommend it to a family member to watch sometime next week.

Well, it doesn’t quite work like that. I was correct in that, yes, you can rent the movie for 30 days. However, if you watch it, you only get it for 48 hours. Wait. What? Why would I rent a movie if I wasn’t going to watch it for a month? Can anyone make sense out of that? The only thing I could figure out is that this gives you time to go out and read the book or the play first, so you can familiarize yourself with the plot.

Good for Amazon for encouraging us to actually read something and not just sit home and watch movies. But they’ve encouraged me to read something else: the fine print.

Flied Chicken

I went to the post office last week to mail something. While waiting in line (and maintaining proper social distancing) I heard what I thought were birds chirping or singing. When I finally made it to the front of the line, I asked the employee if a bird had flown into the back warehouse, you know, like when a bird gets trapped inside Walmart? She said that this was not a songbird in the warehouse. No, this was a chicken in a cage on the other side of the counter. It was waiting to be mailed somewhere.

Who in the world flies a chicken across the country? Was this someone’s pet? I was dying to ask, but I don’t think you can do that. I’m sure the post office has a policy of not telling us where other people are mailing stuff. Besides, there were people in line behind me.

Have you ever noticed that those birds trapped inside Walmart tend to find perches over the pet aisle? Yeah, check it out.

 

The Fruits (And Pink Meat) of Victory

Do you get those cell phone calls labeled “Potential Spam”? I get them; they usually come right before lunch and right before dinner. I never answer. But don't you wonder why you’re getting calls about processed meat right before your meals? Aren't these calls just disguised advertisements for Spam, the delicious pink canned quasi-pork product? Do you find yourself eating more pork when you get these calls? These people know what they’re doing. 

It doesn’t take a genius to figure this stuff out...

Spam was invented during WWII and has survived 80 years. It was fed to our armed forces during the war. Spam is still around. It reminds people of our victory I guess. Had we lost the war perhaps we would not have Spam today.  I accept the trade off but it doesn't mean I have to like Spam...

 

"Filling" You in About our Dentist

So yeah. Our long time dentist retired. Like most dental offices, you didn’t get to talk to him much. After the hygienist cleaned your teeth and took x-rays, he’d come in, look at your x-rays, maybe look in your mouth, and maybe ask about your family or church or something. But this was never how he dealt with our younger son. The dentist repeatedly over the years took the time to urge him to get a job so he could “get off his dad’s dental insurance”. This always struck us as odd, since one, our son was like 20 at the time this started, two, he was on his mother’s plan, not mine, and three, the dentist never said this to our older son, who was also on his mother’s dental plan.

Based on the fact that both sons now have their own dental insurance, I’m gonna conclude that the dentist’s insurance comments or lack thereof had no bearing on either of them getting dental insurance. Maybe this was some weird experiment or something. If I see him again, should I ask him if he’s on his son’s dental insurance now that he’s retired? That’s tempting… 

Hopefully his retiring will not leave a cavity in my life…

New Words and Phrases for 2020

As we approach the two-thirds mark of the year, here are our new words and phrases for 2020. Here we go!

•          Ookay – When you’re slightly surprised by an idea but you’re all right with it
•          Hide-a-beard – When a guy takes off his mask and reveals a little beard that you didn’t expect
•          Covidio – instructional videos about the virus
•          Blinding – When your camera is turned off on a Zoom call (see muted)
•          “19” Day Disabled List – a special disabled list for players with the virus
•          Mooted – When you’re on the call and your camera is on but you’re obviously not paying attention. “Jerry was on the call with HR but he was mooted.”

And this year we have one word we need to get rid of:

•          Co-ed. Sounds too much like Covid. “Poor Jerry. He though he had signed up for the Co-ed dorm.  

 

Dentist Salute

My dentist is retiring and I'd like to salute him with this post from a few years ago:

 

After he gives you a filling or a crown or something, my dentist provides you a list of stuff not to eat. The list is old and looks like it has been copied a million times. The first item on the list is Jujubes, the chewy, gummy candy I associate with the mid-twentieth century. Jujubes were like a cross between gummy worms and granite. But really, what are my odds of eating Jujubes? Do they even still make those things? And what’s with that name? I think normal Jujubes maybe wouldn’t hurt your teeth if they were fresh. The problem was, they were always so stale…

Our kids’ pediatrician dentist had no individual examination offices, just this big room with kids all over the place. Kind of the one room school house look. And there was always one kid screamin’ somewhere in the room. Of course the dentist never made reference to the screaming kid. We were all supposed to ignore him. As a parent with my child though, I was always tempted to say something like, “I see you’ve got a screamin’ kid over there. Did you catch him with some Jujubes?”

 

Eight is Enough

I ran across a pizza offer from a local shop this week: A large pizza with up to eight items for $10. Wait, what? Eight items? How do they make any money at this? Well, I, for one, like the offer. I think it’s a risk worth taking on the shop’s part. Here’s why:

•      Multiple people can’t possibly agree on 8 items (“I hate black olives!”)
•          Most people can’t even think of 8 items
•          The shop can cut back on each of the toppings ‘cause there are so many toppings. We’re talking like 3 olives here…
•          With that kind of offer, it doesn’t have to be very good

So yeah, throw the offer out there.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure this stuff out.