The Second Thanksgiving

With that title I reckon you’re expecting this to be about the first “day after” Thanksgiving, where Squanto teaches the Pilgrims how to make turkey tetrazzini out of the leftover meat. It’s not. Nor is this about that second year for the Pilgrims, in 1621, where the story is basically, “In the second year, they did it again.” Not much story there really. No, this is about those Thanksgiving gatherings that take place on Friday, for the “other” side of the family, after most everybody’s already had one Thanksgiving on Thursday. Yeah, everybody’s already had their annual Turkey Trot, their parade, dinner, Lions’ game, touch football in the yard, tryptophan jokes, and perhaps even a little shopping, Now it’s time to get together with the other side of the family. This is not a day without pressure. The food needs to be top notch to match what the guests had the day before. And this is tricky because those baked goods and pies are one day older. Of course, in the end, the love of family will make this a fun day for all. But this day is an unspoken chapter of America – a day where we eat and repeat (OK – no Lions’ game) the same thing as the day before. This is truly unique. No leftover Boxing Day for us – we’re starting over.

To keep things fresh, I would suggest sharing an augmented Thanksgiving story or two. For instance, did you know that Squanto purposely “lost” the cracking of the wishbone to make the Pilgrims feel more welcome? And that he also taught the Pilgrims how to make jello?     

New Words and Phrases for 2015

Each year, new words and/or phrases are added to the lexicon. My long time readers know that I try to invent one word or phrase each month. It doesn’t always happen, but more months than not I run across a situation where a word or phrase needs to be invented. My nominations for 2015 would include:

• Living low on the hog – living modestly, within one’s means. The working title on my forthcoming book.
• Red meat necks – That society of mostly men who refuse to accept or even attempt to understand Vegetarianism.
• Sandswitch - When you’re making a sandwich (with or without meat) and you’re finishing it up and you go to close it and you realize the bread’s not matching up. This can often occur with Vienna Bread. 
• Pessimystic – One who predicts bad things and they come true. They’re not real popular. I prefer the…
• Optimystic – They predict good things that come true. Unfortunately, they are hard to find, and they don’t talk as much as pessimystics.
• Happy Medium – Mystic in between Pessi and Opti.

We here at Uncle Tommy are especially thankful this Thanksgiving Season to all our loyal readers on multiple continents and (we think) at least one other planet. Without all of you, this blog would not be possible. Lastly, thanks to my young staffer who invented the word sandswitch. Having her around is the best thing since sliced bread.

Tasty Test

I took a taste test at our local grocery store a while back. I did not have to get blindfolded. I never liked those grocery store blindfold tests, and, as a matter of fact, I refuse to participate in those (unless the money is right). I’ve never been comfortable being blindfolded in a building that houses a meat grinder. I mean, like, what if the store gets robbed during your test, or they just get really busy, and you’re blind folded and you wander off in the wrong direction like that Pin the Tail on the Donkey kid at your birthday party. But I digress. The lady asked me to sample two colas in unmarked cups. I was thirsty at the time so I agreed to participate. I preferred the cup on the left: Yes, I had chosen Pepsi over RC Cola. 

So I, like everybody else, had selected the more expensive product. Gosh! What a surprise. But, the immediate effect on me was not to make me go out and buy Pepsi, but instead, I felt sorry for RC Cola. So, I tried to take the test again to help out RC but the lady said that would be against policy. So I made up this story that I had just eaten some fresh pineapple and it had messed up my taste buds and could we nullify my test results. She wouldn’t have it. Sorry RC.

Cheese Whiz

Our dog loves cheese. Any kind of cheese except maybe baby Swiss. Weirdly, she’s going through some second childhood thing. She’s approaching 100 in dog years, but she’s become way more active recently, and not always in a good way. She eats trash again for the first time in (human) years and just about any type of paper product she can get her mouth on. And she refuses to come back into the house after she “goes outside” in the morning, preferring to nose around the back yard looking for food of some sort. To get her to come in, I often have to yell “Cheese!” from the back door to get her attention. This can go on for a while.

I saw my neighbor at the barber shop recently. He really can’t see our backyard very well from his house and he said it was really none of his business what my wife and I do at our house as empty nesters, but he did want to know why I was getting my picture taken every morning out behind the house.

Talk Amongst Yourself

I used to work with a woman who talked to herself rather loudly. This habit can be obnoxious and can affect the concentration of other workers.  I never addressed it with this employee because she did not report to me, but someone should have dealt with it. Much like body odor or halitosis, it’s awkward to bring up, but you’re not helping the person if you don’t address it. So, when you’re dealing with a person who talks to his or herself, how do you proceed? The best time to approach them is when they’re in the act. I recommend a first line of “Is there someone else in here?” If they don’t stop talking to themselves at that point, try “May I interrupt?” (Is it really interrupting if you interrupt someone when they’re talking to themselves?) If they do not stop and apologize at this point send them packing. Life is too short to put up with that act. Recommend they seek employment as a radio DJ or ventriloquist.  

Walker-Readers

I was on a busy college campus the other day and happened to see a walker-reader (WR) crossing the street at a busy intersection. These of course are the folks who read books when they’re walking. I hadn’t seen one in a while but they’re around. They’re fun to watch but they make me nervous. They typically walk in high traffic areas of campuses – I’ve not seen one in a park or on a beach. Thank goodness I’ve never seen one on a dock. They operate alone and tend to live dangerously; they typically try to finish a paragraph before checking traffic even when nearing an intersection. Their reading simply takes priority. And yes, they are exclusively book readers – I‘ve never seen one with a newspaper, magazine, crossword or kindle. And they read really thick, expensive looking books. But they live on the edge - they make texting and driving seem safe. So why is this legal?

I’ll tell you why it’s legal. First, these readers never get hit by cars, or trains. Never. Like the cleverest of animals, they have unique senses that you and I cannot comprehend. Secondly, these WR’s typically read books by local professors, in effect promoting these books by reading them while they’re walking through the campus scene. Professors, while not outwardly promoting walker-reading, will often show favoritism to known WR’s if the WR will read their book while traversing the crowded university setting. It’s one of the oldest, yet least known scams on the college campuses.

So, let’s keep an eye out for these walker-readers. And let’s be especially careful after I publish my book. Thanks.