Hot Topic

I’ve become addicted to getting my temperature taken when I walk in certain buildings. I predict my temperature to the person before they take it and I’m usually right. It gives me some weird satisfaction to “beat the machine”. But yeah, I like to know that my temperature is normal.

Friday I walked into a medical building and the people were no longer at the door taking temperatures. I was bummed. But around the corner there was an automated temperature machine which you stand in front of and it takes your temp. So yeah, I went in front of it. Nothing happened. I raised my head, lowered my head, danced around a bit. A small crowd gathered. Finally, the machine cried out, “Normal”.

I think it was referring to my temperature.

 

Crazy Chick

I heard a commercial on the radio today for Chick-fil-A today saying something along these lines: “Come eat our chicken nuggets. It will remind you of eating at Grandma’s house”. Wait, what? Did anybody’s grandma you know fix chicken nuggets? I’m not aware of any. My grandma fixed chicken. Everybody’s grandma cooked chicken. But nuggets? I don’t think so.

At least Chick-fil-A’s not saying their kale salad is like what Grandma used to make. Nobody’s grandma made kale anything. Those were happier times...

If Chick-fil-A want’s to be like Grandma’s, they need to serve beets, jello salads, succotash, tapioca, stuff like that. Get with it Chick-fil-A.

 

Doctor Fill

I was in the doctor’s waiting room yesterday when a delivery woman brought in these huge bags of McDonald’s food for the office. No, they weren’t salads – I could smell the fries and the burgers. My first thought was: “Okay, they’ve got their food now. I’m never gonna get in there for my appointment.” My second thought was: “Okay, I guess they don’t mind germs coming in from a restaurant.” My third thought was: “Isn’t this the type of food the doctor tells me not to eat?” My doctor tells me to eat kale. Can you get kale at McDonalds? Is there a McKale yet?

When I finally got in and the doctor asked me how I was, I almost said I had a pain in my McRibs. But I didn’t. I guess I was McChicken.

 

Thanksgiving

What are you doing for Thanksgiving? With Covid raging, I see three safe options for Thanksgiving:

1. .      Get together, wear masks, watch the Lions lose, but don’t eat. This is the safe option but not optimal when you’re used to eating on Thanksgiving
2.        Get together and eat, but each person eats in their own room. This can be optimized with a creative distribution of card tables. This, while satisfying to the stomach, is not optimal socially, especially if you’ve traveled a great distance to see family.
3.      Get together, prepare food, watch the Lions, but each person takes their food to go. 

We’re going with option two. I'm looking for six more tables and four more chairs. Toilets will serve as chairs in two of the rooms.

Four Score and Twenty Years Ago

Today on the news they had a feature on a woman who was celebrating her 100^th birthday. The news person said that woman had lived through two world wars and had endured the “height of the depression”. Well the last time I looked, World War I ended before 1920, the year this woman supposedly was born. Of course, if she says she lived through World War I, maybe she’s older than she says she is.

At what age do people stop lying about their age to make people think they’re younger? Her neighbors are no doubt whispering (loudly), “Nellie says she lived through World War I. I knew she was older than 100!”

Oh, and what’s with the expression, “the height of the depression”? Is that an oxymoron or what? Is that a medical term? Do depressions have peaks?

 

Mustard Love

Remember that old song by The Captain and Tennille called Muskrat Love? It was about muskrats and it was a hit back in the 70’s. I never cared for it much but I suppose every animal deserves a song. In 1976 The Captain and Tennille got invited to the White House and performed Muskrat Love for Queen Elizabeth when she was there for a visit. Apparently there were some complaints over that song selection. In hindsight, President Ford could have brought Queen in to perform. Or Prince. BB King maybe. Kings of Leon weren’t around yet... 

Moving along alphabetically, I was reminded recently of an old friend whose wife loved him so much that she packed his lunch. Typically it was a bologna sandwich. But when he pulled back the bread, he would find a message written in mustard. While not as sweet as a fortune cookie, I’m sure the message was sweeter.

I doubt if she wrote anything about muskrats.