Better Call Tommy

We just received an auto-call from our internet provider saying they were having trouble processing our monthly payment. The auto call thing put me on hold after I answered and then there was a message on hold saying that I could leave my name and number and someone would call me back. Wait. What? They called me and I have to leave a message for them to call me? Why not just have the person call me? Am I missing something here?

And when you call in for service on your internet connection, they give you the option of emailing them. Really? Are we thinking these things through folks?

Cable Fable

The cable guy was supposed to come to our house the other day between 5 and 7PM. I got an automated call at 4:30 from their office saying cable guy would be there between 5 and 7PM. Wait. What? Aren’t those calls supposed to be made when the guy is “on his way”? I already knew he was coming between 5 and 7PM. I could have called them and told them that. I don’t need those calls…

So I rushed home at 5PM and of course by the time the cable guy came I had everything fixed. So I was happy ‘cause I was able to fix it and cable guy was happy ‘cause he didn’t have to do anything. Not a bad night! We ended up watching the baseball hall of fame announcement together.

You never know how you’re gonna meet new friends.  

Staples of Your Diet

Ever get Chinese food to go? Sure. We all do, don’t we? Do they still use those folding cardboard boxes with the metal handle where you live? What’s with those things? Is it still 1975? Do they know we have microwaves and we can’t use those boxes in the microwave? And does anybody actually use the little handle? It looks like something from my daughter’s play kitchen or a purse for Barbie…

Around here they usually put the little boxes in an old fashioned paper bag. It’s a quality bag. And sometimes they put cardboard in the bottom of the bag. That’s a nice touch. But there’s one problem. They staple the bag shut. Yes, that’s right. Staple. So yeah, you’ve gotta open that bag, and, more times than not, when you open the bag that staple goes flying. You don’t know if it’s in your food or if it’s on your funky granite countertop somewhere…

My wife and I apparently don’t order enough food so we only get one fortune cookie. Do you share a fortune in those cases? Can two people have the same fortune? 

Save Me a Seat Belt!

Seat belts have come a long way, haven’t they? I was around when seat belts were first introduced. Back then there were no shoulder straps and the belts just laid there on the seat. There were six belts in the front and six in the back and you had to try to match them up. It was a struggle. “Why are you late for work, Carl?” “Sorry boss! My seat belts got all tangled up again.” And then sometimes the seat belt would hang out your door and drag on the pavement. That was fun also...

Most people think seat belts were invented for safety. That is true but not in the way you thought.  Seat belts were invented to restrain parents from whacking their fighting kids in the back seat. 

Most surveys I’ve seen conclude that kids behaved better before seat belts were invented. I know I did. It doesn't take a genius to figure this stuff out… 

Mac & Cheese Bucket List

There sure is a lot of talk about the new Costco 27-pound Macaroni and Cheese bucket. It has a 20 year shelf life. My immediate thought is if I were to buy one of these buckets (I’m a Costco member) how would I fit a 27 pound bucket in our fridge? It would be like having a turkey in there all year for 20 years. We don’t have room for it! I think this bucket purchase involves getting a second fridge, like the guys who have the separate fridge for their beer keg. Eventually this could revamp kitchen designs. When buying a house, people will look for the second fridge. (“I don’t know Herb, it sure was convenient there with the side by side fridges. You know how we struggle with finding a place for your Mac and Cheese bucket.”)

Regardless, this seems like a strange product for Costco to be hawking in January when everybody’s trying to lose weight. But oh, did I mention that Costco sells fridges? Yeah. I think they know what they’re doing.

Someday soon there will be Costco hospitals to take care of these people…

Look Ma, No Hands!

I was walking today and caught this guy sneezing. He didn’t see me and there was nobody else around, and when he sneezed he did not cover his mouth. No hand. No elbow.  No inside the coat. No pull up the turtleneck. No pull up the mock turtleneck. Nothing. Just out into the open air. So yeah, I don’t hide in the bushes trying to catch people doing this, so I haven’t seen a lot of this type of behavior.  But I hope this type of thing is not happening often. I hope it’s not a trend.

People who do this should be forced to wear a mask. Of course, nobody would know who they were when they were wearing the mask so there would be no shame factor. Maybe make them wear a scarlet “S” too. That’s what Nathaniel Hawthorne would do…