The Uncle Tommy

I went to Speedway Friday. It was a hot afternoon and I needed a boost. It was too hot for coffee and I wasn’t tired enough for a five hour energy drink. So I mixed myself an Uncle Tommy (lemonade with root beer). When I went to the cash register the cashier asked me if it was tea. (We don’t pay tax on tea but we do on soft drinks. “Must be a carryover from the Boston Tea Party”, I said to myself.) I told her it was lemonade and root beer – an Uncle Tommy. She said “And I suppose you’re Uncle Tommy?”

I was floored. Do people commonly name drinks after themselves? Is that a thing? Arnold Palmer apparently did. But Shirley Temple did not name her signature drink. Somebody else did. Shirley said once in an interview that she didn’t even like Shirley Temples.

Regardless, it’s cool Shirley has something named after her. Too bad she wasn’t Jewish though. They could have named a synagogue after her.  

 

Talkin’ ‘bout Your Generation

It was pointed out to me recently that, in the term “Generation X”, the X is not the Roman Numeral X or ten. This now makes sense to me since Generation X, typically referring to people born between 1965 and 1980 (many of you!), is, by my count, more than 10 years long. I had always struggled with the term, but, being busy with this blog and all, had never taken the time to sort it out. For clarification, maybe we should refer to this age group as Generation XV.

And while we’re at it, since each generation of people is generally larger physically than previous generations, and since we’re close to the end of the alphabet and quickly running out of letters, would it make sense to rename “Generation Z” as “Generation XXL”?

 

No More Monkeys Jumpin' on the Bed

Have you ever noticed that whenever a mattress store goes out of business they open one of those trampoline parks in the same location about a week after the going out of business sale? Yeah. If you look carefully at the surface of these so called “trampolines” you’ll see names like Sealy, or Stearns and Foster. Yeah. They’re not foolin’ this guy. It doesn’t take a genius to figure this stuff out.

If a mattress store opens in what used to be a trampoline park, well, that's one store you REALLY want to avoid.

Selling mattresses (mattri?) is a tough job. Too many people use the line, “I’m not ready to buy it today; let me sleep on it and I’ll let you know tomorrow”.  That line gets old.

 

 

 

Hey, Hey, You, You, Get Off of my Lawn!

Remember when you were growing up and there was that guy down the street who always yelled at kids who stepped on his lawn? What was up with that guy?

•             Was he really worried about his grass? Did he think kids were gonna kill it?

•             Was grass more brittle then?

•             Did he just not like kids?

•             Was he ever a kid?

•             Did he play golf? If so, did he replace his divots? I’m thinking that he didn’t play golf ‘cause to do that you walk on the grass

•             If he was alive today and could have Invisible Fence in his front yard to keep people out, would he sit out on his porch and watch kids get shocked and try to hide his smile?

When he died, did the people, out of respect for him, stay off the grass at the graveside service? Did they just observe from that little road that goes through the cemetery? 

 

 

Condimentary

Pepsi is trotting out a new Pepsi flavored condiment to put on hot dogs. It got introduced at 4 ball parks over the 4th of July holiday. You put it on your hot dog like mustard I guess. Pepsi corporate thinks it makes sense 'cause Pepsi tastes so good with a hot dog. Interesting, but if I get a Pepsi flavored hot dog, why do I need a Pepsi? Wouldn't this be like getting a tomato juice to go with a ketchup laden hot dog?

This sounds like a nightmare when dealing with the vendors who roam the stands at the games. Like when you're 15 seats from the aisle and your hot dog gets passed down to you and everybody touches it including that guy with the cough and you're trying to explain to the vendor from 15 seats away that you want a Pepsi and not Pepsi sauce?

Nobody has commented on what effect this new condiment will have on the hot dog contests. Will it act as a tasty lubricant and boost consumption? I say let’s wait and see what Joey Chestnut says. There’s nothing I value more than condimentary from the wiener’s circle.

 

Rain Dogs

There was a rain delay at the hot dog contest this year. So yeah, I guess they conduct the contest outside. I can’t blame ‘em. Hey, if some guy says he’s gonna eat 75 hot dogs at my house, I’m probably gonna make him eat outside. Near the hose.

The delay was like 2 hours. Mr. Chestnut only ate 62 this year. They’re blaming the lower numbers this year on the delay. I don’t know about you but if my lunch gets delayed by 2 hours I think I’m gonna eat more, not less. What a let down! As they say in the biz: Bunner!

They probably should have warmed up the hot dogs after the delay…