Old McDonald

Do you have friends who routinely ask you to perform tricks or impressions or whatever it is you do?  As most of you know, I do the best Michael McDonald impression in the county. But for the most part, those of us with such gifts like to use our talents at our own pace. There’s nothing worse than the guy who sees you and says, “Oh, there’s Tommy. Do your Michael McDonald, Tommy.” You feel like a trained seal…

Our dog’s best trick was impersonating a prairie dog. She did a pretty good imitation. But you could tell she really didn’t enjoy it when she did it. Her facial expressions were typically very sad when she performed. Yet we forced her to perform. Looking back, I think we pushed her a little too hard…

Having said all that, I would love to hear a dog do Michael McDonald.

Bird on the Wing

Back to the topic of our flying feathered friends, I stumbled upon a missing bird sign while on vacation. It was posted at the local general store in a small town near where we stayed. There was a large picture of the bird on the sign (his name was not provided) – it was a beautiful bluish cockatiel with white and orange features. I think it’s one of those birds who can talk. This situation struck me as heartbreaking since this was obviously someone’s beloved pet. The sign was three weeks old so the likelihood of the bird being found was low unfortunately…

I really hate reading these "missing pet" posters. They really don’t have an upside. Someone should address this. OK, I guess that person is me. Can we start distributing pictures of the pets that ARE found, those who are reunited with their loved ones? That would provide some balance and make the whole thing easier to swallow...

In the meantime, if you hear a fresh melody in your backyard or a new voice coming from your tree, please let us know here at Uncle Tommy’s. Thanks!

Sign Language

Have you seen these “Baby on Board” signs in the back windows of cars? The signs are usually yellow. What’s the point of these signs? Do people drive different around cars bearing these signs? (“Slow down Herb. Can’t you see they have a baby in that vehicle?”) Are we supposed to turn our radios down around these vehicles in case the baby is sleeping? Do we honk less when we see these vehicles? My personal response is to take my eye off the road and look into the car to see if there’s really a baby in there. That’s never good.

Regardless, I can think of other signs of more importance which should be displayed in vehicles:

·         “Driver has been in multiple accidents”

·         “Driver texts”

·         “Driver smokes”

·         “Driver smokes while he texts”

·         “Driver tries to adjust his car clock while driving”

Pop Goes the Trunk Lid

Once, while we were loading up our car for our daughter to go back to college, her friend, in an effort to surprise her, climbed into our trunk when we weren’t looking. Well, it worked. Sort of. I walked out of the house with a heavy suitcase and, as I went to open the trunk she popped out of it like a girl popping out of a birthday cake in one of those bad Neil Simon movies. Well, I, being the wrong victim, and being alarmed by the whole process, did not find her amusing. Fortunately, I did not have a heart attack or anything.  But in her estimation, I was scared “half to death”. I think it was more like a quarter to death or maybe 35% or so. I didn’t see any of my deceased relatives lined up to greet me like they say you see when you have one of those near death experiences, but I may have heard them or seen their shadows.  

In hindsight, I guess I’d rather be scared half to death than half past death. 

Pondering the Poncho

It seems like it has rained or threatened rain at every outdoor event we’ve attended or hosted this year. So we’ve kept our ponchos handy. The first time I pulled them off the shelf this year I accidentally grabbed an old grill cover. Fortunately it didn’t rain that evening. Have you ever had to wear one of those grill covers in a downpour?

One of our ponchos is one of those clear ones. When I use that I always feel like people look at me and say, “Tommy doesn’t have a poncho; he’s using his shower curtain liner again”. Conversely, have you ever used a shower curtain liner that had a hood?

Remember the clear plastic umbrellas from a few years back? What was the point of those? Were we supposed to look up through the plastic and see if it was still raining?  Was it OK to put one up in the stands at a soccer game ‘cause the people behind you could “see through it”?

Have you ever attempted to fold the poncho back into the little case it came in? Legend says that it has never been done. Should there be a Boy Scout merit badge for poncho folding?

Costcake

Ever try to order a cake? I went into Costco (I’m a member) the other day and ordered a cake. I knew I was supposed to order a sheet cake, but I was unsure of the size. When the bakery staffer asked me what size sheet, the only sheet sizes I could think of were:

•          Twin – Do you have to get two when you do this? (It was Costco, after all.) Do they have to be identical?
•          Full – bigger?
•          Queen – I assume this is something you get for a little girl’s birthday party maybe?
•          Bunk – Layer maybe?  

Do they still make Bundt Cakes? One summer I attempted to “sacrifice” bundt cake as part of my diet…