Tears for Sears

So yeah, our local Sears store is closing. It’s the end of an era. No more caramel corn. So at our soon to be former Sears store, there’s still this little hut out in the middle of their parking lot. It’s their former key shop. Yeah, they had this (little?) guy who sat out there and made keys. Twelve hours a day he made keys. No air conditioning, no caramel corn, no bathroom. Just keys. Not sure what he did out there when he wasn’t making those keys. But, if you needed a key made darn it, you knew where to go. If they brought back the key hut, maybe Sears would have a chance of survival. And maybe they could have him sell some caramel corn out there…

Good or bad, the retail world is changing. For instance, you can order groceries from Kroger over the internet now and you can go pick them up or they’ll bring them to your house. But how would you stop them from bringing you bad produce – like those really really green bananas that nobody ever buys? And won’t they screw up certain products? Like, maybe you order some chocolate mousse and instead they give you hair gel? This concept sounds problematic to me…

Two Choices? Or Three?

Many years ago I ran a 5K race with my then 11 year old son. At least I thought I was running it with my son. It was a large, local event. We knew lots of people there, including, I'm sure, many of you, my readers. We had thought it was a parent/child type event, but it turned out that there were only like 3 adults in the race. I ran anyway, wanting the shirt. Once the gun went off, my son took off like a sprinter, leaving me behind amongst a mass of children. Languishing behind, and seeing my son disappear farther and farther into the horizon, I knew I had two choices: One, I could try to catch my son, and possibly vomit. (I saw one of my friends' dad vomit when I was in college and that still has an effect on me.) I really didn't want to be known as "the dad who vomited in front of us trying to beat the 10 year olds". Secondly, I could drop out of the race. Well, as you, my readers, know, I'm no quitter. So I continued to run, falling further and further back of my son. The sun began to set. It was then that I thought of the third option. Why not pretend one of these slower kids was mine? So I proudly ran the last two miles amongst a pack of children that I've not seen since.

I haven't run any more races with my son, but I still have that shirt. 

Peanut Butter Exchange at Menard’s

I, like many of you, like to “save big money” at Menard’s. That’s one heck of a catchy jingle, isn’t it? I sing that sometimes while tinkering around the yard. Well, my son and I had to make an exchange at Menard’s last week. While we were in line he noticed someone next to us exchanging two large jars of Skippy Peanut Butter. Hmm, we thought to ourselves, who returns peanut butter? And who even buys peanut butter at Menards? I’m thinking that maybe the guy couldn’t read, or at least couldn’t read English, and, being at Menard’s, maybe thought the Skippy was some kind of spackling compound or something. Wow. The last thing we want is kids being tempted to eat anything off the wall, what with the lead paint issue and all…

Would it be out of line to require illustrated warning labels on peanut butter for this type of thing?

Who's Mom and Dad?

Have you ever heard that hearing aid commercial on the radio where the woman says something about “Mom and Dad”, and then the old angry guy yells out in this gruff voice rather meanly, “Who’s Mom and Dan? Who’s Mom and Dan?” Now, I’m as sensitive to the elderly as the next guy. But for this guy to say in that tone that he thinks “Mom and Dad” is “Mom and Dan” might indicate that he has more issues going than just hearing loss. First of all, “Mom and Dad” is pretty hard to screw up, isn’t it? I mean, those words go together like apple and pie, or mental and health. Secondly, if you associate Mom with Dan, instead of Dad, maybe you have some family issues. Lastly, based on the guy’s tone, if this guy is my patient, anger management would likely take priority over the hearing aid.  

Happy Father’s Day!

"Tear Down This Stall"

One time I saw a Corvette parked in a handicap parking spot in front of a local store. As I walked into the store, I saw my former neighbor come out and I realized it was his car. He is not handicapped. I thought to myself that it’s one thing to park in a handicap spot when you’re not handicapped, but it’s a whole ‘nother level to park a Corvette there. Wow!

Handicapped spots definitely serve a purpose. But the concept is not always very well thought out. We keep those spots pretty close to the exit at retail stores, but, in public restrooms, why is the handicapped stall usually way down at the end? That’s not right in my book. The handicapped person has to maneuver past all the standard stalls to get to the handicapped stall. Can we “in-stall” that a little closer to the door please?   

I used to know a guy named John Stahl. Seriously. What were his parents thinking?

Romp & Roll

What’s with the prices the dry cleaners charge on women’s clothing? I took in my daughter’s romper the other day and for what it cost I could have gotten six men’s shirts done. I know my wife’s dry cleaning costs a fortune compared to mine. That doesn’t seem fair, does it? Is this true everywhere?

My daughter informs me that there are men’s rompers now. See below. So, yeah, we need to find out how much it costs to get a men’s romper cleaned. If it costs less than the women’s, we have an issue. Now, I’m not about to buy a romper, especially if it is dry clean only (although I think I’d look pretty good in one). However, if one of you male readers has a romper, let us know the cost when you get it dry cleaned.

With Father’s Day approaching I’m sure some of you will get rompers. (It’s not too late to ask for one.)

What's with these headless models? Stay tuned...