Say "Yes" to the Camo

We’re seeing more and more camo in the fashion world.  It used to be something you wore only in the military or when you hunted. It was something you wore when you did not want to be seen. In researching for this post, I noticed that the use of camo has broadened considerably in recent years. I gathered that it still has a lot to do with not being seen. Here are some examples of camo use:

• Camo bedding/camo pajamas  - Kids can hide in bed and not have to do morning chores.
• Camo Prom Dress - “OK Chip. I’ll go with you but I don’t want anyone to see us.”
• Camo sweat pants - You’re a little overweight and you don’t want anyone seeing you jog.
• Camo towels - “I laid out fresh towels for you if you can find ‘em.”
• Camo shoes - C’mon. Now I really won't be able to find my shoes.
• Camo desert ride - No. Wait. That’s Camel.
• Camo clothing for teens - worn by kids to have a higher chance of sneaking past Mom and Dad when they come home after curfew.
• Camo clothing for parents - worn by parents to help catch their children sneaking home after curfew.

Just like when camo is used in the military, everybody's looking for an edge.

Waking Up is Hard to Do

I think we all had that roommate in college who slept so hard that he or she had to put their alarm clock across the room so that they would actually have to get out of bed to turn it off.  Sometimes they would hit the snooze alarm and go back to sleep for the allotted nine minutes and maybe even repeat that cycle a couple times. Obnoxious, I know. But people gotta do what they gotta do. You have to love the nine minute sleep alarm thing. I mean, who thought of making it nine minutes? I think it’s pretty standard on clock radios, and it’s the perfect amount of time- long enough time for you to get back to sleep, but short enough that you’re not late for class. I want to meet the guy who invented the nine minute thing. Whoever he or she is, they’re not getting their due.

My one request to spouses or roommates who use the sleep alarm is that they tune the radio to a music station and not talk radio. ‘Cause in the short period my wife’s radio was on one recent morning, they were talking about Caribbean cruises, and when it came back on in 9 minutes they were talking about Bernie Sanders taking his honeymoon in the USSR.  That’s too big of a leap that early in the morning.

Winter Storm Jonas

Some of you readers are incurring the wrath of Jonas, the big storm on the east coast. My impression as an American is, if a storm gets a name, look out! It’s gonna be bad. So when I hear the weather forecasts, and there’s bad weather predicted, I always think to myself, “Please don’t give it a name!” Of course, if I’m Toro or John Deere Corp, I’m calling the National Weather Service saying “Here’s some names you might try”. Because if people hear that the storm has a name, they’re more likely to go out and buy that new snow blower.   

But I think we need to take a step back and look at the big picture of storm naming. The storm victims are going to need financial assistance, right? Why not sell the naming rights to these storms and hurricanes and give the proceeds to the storm victims. Toro or John Deere can get their names out there along with the weight loss drug folks, automobile companies, even people running for political office. What politician wouldn’t like to have their name trolling on the bottom of your TV screen 24/7?  

But now that I think about it, who’s to say that the selling of storm naming rights isn't already happening? Aren’t the Jonas Brothers currently on tour along the east coast? If the next storm is called Bernie, that will be my confirmation.

Half Baked

So, apparently our president went to Alaska a while back and renamed the former Mt McKinley. Now it’s called Mt. Denali. OK. Whatever.  But I’m finding that the people in Ohio, the home state of former President McKinley, are still not very happy about this renaming. There is lingering bitterness. Well this, to me, comes down to a deal between Ohio and Alaska. Rather than simply renaming the mountain, I think there were some options that could have been explored to bring some balance to this situation. Could a trade perhaps have been worked out between the two states? Like, could we maybe keep the name McKinley in place on the mountain and perhaps rename something in Ohio Denali? Ohio has malls, creeks, prisons.  Let’s work something out.

Until this whole thing gets sorted out, I think Ohio gets to rename something in its favor, at least temporarily, and it needs to be done at Alaska’s expense. Since nothing has yet been named after Alaska’s most famous leader, former governor Sarah Palin, I think Ohio needs to go another direction. Probably the most famous thing named after Alaska is the delicious flaming dessert known as “Baked Alaska”. Until this is settled, I, Uncle Tommy, declare this dessert to be known as “Baked Ohio”. See you citizens in the kitchen!

Judy and Liza Tag Team

I’ve never had a desire to see a tribute person or band. Just not my thing. I do like it when people do imitations. But not when the imitation lasts two hours and becomes a "tribute". I do the best Michael (Doobie Bros) McDonald imitation in the county, but I don’t force it on people for two hours. Two or three songs and I’m done. Among the touring tribute acts, the Rat Pack tributes seems popular. And there are two women who have performed here as the mother-daughter team of Judy Garland and Liza Minnelli. But am I really supposed to enjoy seeing someone imitate July Garland for 2 hours? I thought that’s what Liza did in real life.  

My theory is that these tribute groups have become like Professional Wrestling.  Their fans think it’s real. I’m convinced of that. I had a guy I (at least used to) respect offer to sell me two fourth row tickets to see Buddy Holly recently. Buddy of course died back in ’59 in a plane crash so of course it was a tribute band, but my friend never mentioned that. He gave every indication that he thought it was Buddy. I suppose if you believe it’s real, you enjoy the concert more. Maybe these folks are on to something.

People are interesting.

Dog License to Kill

It’s that time of the year again. I need to pay for my dog’s license renewal. Some of the terminology in the license brochure is not very clear. For $14 the county auditor renews the license for one year. But the brochure does not clarify if this is a human year or dog year. I’m being picky, I know. Secondly, they list the rules for confining “vicious” dogs (“Dogs that without provocation have killed or caused serious injury to any person”). Frankly, it was a bit disturbing for me to learn that these killer dogs are apparently allowed to remain with their owners. Per the regulations these vicious dogs must be kept in a locked fenced yard, or a locked pen with proper signage, whatever that is (“BEWARE: THIS DOG HAS KILLED PEOPLE”?). The brochure notes that violations of the confinement regulations could result in fines and incarceration of up to 18 months. Of course the regulation does not specify who’s going to prison, the person or the dog. Or both. 18 months incarceration in dog years doesn’t seem very long to this citizen, in either case.