Dig This

We don’t see as many nicknames as we used to, do we? The days of cool nicknames are probably behind us, unfortunately. It’s too bad ‘cause some of the nicknames were great. But there’s one nickname I won’t miss, and that’s Doc. Oh, it’s fine to be called that if you’re a doctor. Doc Holiday was a dentist, for instance. But what’s with the people who are called that who aren’t doctors? Are they trying to impress women? Did their parents want them to be doctors? I can’t think of another profession related nickname used by people outside the profession, can you?

(I guess one exception may have been Digger Phelps, the former basketball coach. Most of us associate the name Digger with employees at the cemetery.)

I used to know a guy named Dock. To my knowledge he did not become a doctor. He may have become a longshoreman but I’ve never been able to confirm that.   

 

The Rite Stuff

The Rite Aid Pharmacies near us double as liquor stores. You walk in the store, and on the left are the overpriced grocery items. And then there's row after row of liquor. Hard liquor. It makes me wonder what the management meetings are like. There’s gotta be somebody up top telling the pharmacists to “cross-sell”,

•          “When a customer’s not that sick, would it kill you to recommend they pick up a fifth of Jim Beam on their way out?”
•          “Make sure the customers know which scripts can be taken with alcohol.”  
•          “Encourage the customers to browse the liquor aisles while they wait for their scripts”
•         “Create delays so the customer browses the liquor aisles while they wait.”
•          “Remind the customers of the taste test in aisle five.”

You know management is pushing this “cross-selling”. It doesn’t take a genius to figure this stuff out.

 

Can I Get That on a Sugar Cone?

I was in a suite at a football game last year where they served prime rib. Ooh, great, I thought. But then I found out they only had plastic silverware. Awkward! My fork broke in the first quarter. Fortunately I had not yet eaten my dinner roll so I broke the roll in half and inserted the beef. The makeshift sandwich was still awkward ‘cause the beef was a little tough. I think I was still chewing well into the third quarter…

On a related note but totally opposite end of the dining spectrum, have you heard of these cones you put your food in at fairs and festivals? We saw a guy with a giant cone full of pulled pork, mac & cheese and coleslaw. Not a bad idea I suppose.  

As an incentive for children to finish their meals, I wonder if they could put a scoop of ice cream in the bottom of the cone. “Keep eating, son. I know it’s down there.”

 

Loaf at First Bite II

So yeah, I’ve been around a while, seen a few things, and this half loaf of bread idea is not bad. I kinda like it. It’s cheaper than the full loaves and it doesn’t have to stay fresh as long ‘cause you use it faster. I got my half loaf for $1.79 or something like that which isn’t bad in today’s market. You gotta deal with the two heels but I think the good outweighs the bad. Others may differ.  

Where will it all stop, you ask?  Will we eventually see bread sold by the slice, like pizza? Well, I'm no Jeanne Dixon, but I'll go out on a limb and predict that we'll see that in our lifetimes. With my luck though, when I buy my slice I'll probably get the heel.

Loaf at First Bite

Have you seen these half loaves of bread? I bought half a loaf yesterday. They need to come up with a name for it, ‘cause if you think about it, they still haven’t come up with a name for the liquid half gallon.  There’s the quart. And there’s the pint. And don’t forget about the cup. But no, there’s no cool name for the half gallon. And I don’t see a good name for it on the horizon. We might as well just switch to liters. And shouldn’t you be able to get half and half in a half gallon?

I have at least one issue with these half loaves: the one I bought today has two crusts, two heels. Wait. What? I thought I was buying a half loaf. Why are there two heels? Two crusts? I have nothing against the heel, but if I’m truly buying half a loaf there should only be one heal.

If one end of the half loaf is the heel, maybe the other end could be the toe. But some weirdo would probably invent toe jam to put on that end of the bread so we may need to think this through a bit.  

 

Rapid (Hopefully not Rabid) Cat

Have you heard about the lynx on the loose in Long Island? Maybe it’s not a lynx but it’s some kind of a black cat and it can run really fast, according to the media. I know what a lynx is ‘cause Mercury (remember Mercury?) had a model called the Lynx back in the 80’s and they always showed a lynx running really fast in their commercials. It was the Mercury version of the popular Ford Escort. It sure sounds faster than an Escort, doesn’t it? Mercury had the Cougar also, so they had some pretty fast cars. Ford’s models had more of horse theme, with the Mustang, the Maverick, and the Pinto.

But yeah, this black cat is on the loose somewhere on Long Island. But now I’m hearing on the news that it was spotted. Wait. What? Make up your mind, media. Is it a black cat, or is it spotted?