Sorry About that, Chief

We don’t talk about toilet tissue much on this blog. That’s a delicate subject and I hate to bring it up but, well, somebody has to. I stumbled across an article about Chief White Cloud, chief of the Iowa Indians during the early 1800’s. He was very respected, so much so that there’s a portrait of him in The National Gallery of Art in our nation’s capital. So, my question is this: how can we allow (of all things!) a toilet tissue brand to exist with the chief’s name? That’s not how we honor people in this country. Let’s get that name modified.

In White Cloud’s defense, I’m sure they didn’t know about the chief when they named the product. I’m guessing the name stemmed from the days of the outhouses when people used the “white” pages.  

Just curious: Can you get Northern Toilet Tissue in the south? I’m pretty busy running this blog so if someone could look that up that’d be great.

 

Tastes Like Chicken

Happy Thanksgiving! Here’s a bit of background on what you ate today. Turkeys are native to North America. They are not from Turkey. The pilgrims thought the birds were the same as an African bird called the guinea fowl, which was brought to Europe through Turkish lands. The English called the birds “Turkish chicken”. The Pilgrims named the similar looking American bird Turkey. So yeah, Turkey is not named after the turkey. Nor are turkeys from Turkey.

Another faraway place with a holiday themed name is Christmas Island, located way out in the Indian Ocean. History tells us that Jesus was not born there, but the island was “discovered” on Christmas day 1643, hence the name. It is unlikely that Santa Claus lives there although that’s never been proven.

Lastly, we come to Easter Island, located off the coast of Chile, in the southeastern Pacific Ocean. The first recorded European contact with the island was on Easter Sunday, 1722. Hence the name. Unlike our holiday Easter, this island does not move around.

 

Spruce

Bruce Springsteen is everywhere these days. I keep seeing ads for him. He acts pretty tough, doesn’t he? Looking back over his career, if I was him, I would have changed a couple of things to toughen my image:

•          His first name – Bruce? That name doesn’t sound so tough. I never knew of a big time wrestler (or any tough guy) named Bruce, did you? There was no Bruce in West Side Story. No Bruce in The Outsiders. Bruce is a golf name.
•          On Born to Run, he needed to change the lyric to, “Baby we WAS born to run.” That sounds way tougher. Using correct English sounds lame.
•          I never studied his face but I bet he needs more scars. Maybe some acne.
•          He needs to have driven a cab, tended bar, stopped dying his hair.
•          He needs to have spent some time in the joint.

Oh, you say he’s trashed a few motel rooms and that makes him tough? It appears we all do that since the maids stopped coming in every day…

 

Canada Won the War of 1812?

Doesn’t that phrase sound like it should be sung to the tune of “Joshua Fought the Battle of Jericho”? Canada won the war of 1812, 1812, 1812…. But yeah, we’ve got a guy in town who thinks Canada did indeed win the War of 1812. He’s Canadian. And I kinda see where he’s coming from, to a point. He says that, had the United States won the War of 1812, we would control all of Canada, or at least Quebec and Ontario.

My primary problem with his argument is that Canada did not become independent until 1867, 55 years AFTER the war. So, like, they probably didn’t win the War of 1812. Yeah.

I guess that’s why the song hasn’t caught on.

 

Cut Corner Dental

Do any of you folks go to Corner Dental? I get the name. Yeah. They’re supposed to be like the family dentist office down on the corner where your Grandma went as a kid. Well, they’re not on the corner. They’re located in strip centers. Top notch strip centers. But they’re not even on the corner of the strip center. I’m told they like to up charge, selling you services you don’t need. Ouch!

Back in the 20^th century, the dentists took a different direction. Rather than charge you for work you didn’t need, they did the work you needed but tried to cut corners on the cost. I had a cavity once back in ‘81, and the dentist just started drilling. No Novocain. No mention of it. When I asked him about it afterwards, he said, “You didn’t want to go back work numb, did you?” Hmmm…   

Friday was Veteran’s Day. Thanks to those who served. I bet there was no Novocain in the army back in the 20^th century. Those drill sergeants just had at it.

 

Pet Sounds

They have started playing Christmas music on the radio. Have you noticed? They start out with the more secular seasonal tunes like “Happy Holidays”, “Let it Snow”, and maybe “Frosty”. But before you know it, they’re playing the hardcore stuff.

They sneak these tunes in right after the time change. Have you noticed?  They know we’re all discombobulated for a while after the time change, and, by the time we snap out of our discombobulation, there are the Christmas tunes. Happens every year. I turned on the radio this morning trying to get election results and got nothing but Christmas music.  

Whatever happened to that dogs barking “Jingle Bells” record?  I always enjoyed that. Those guys should tour.