S’more War Reenactment

 

We had a large gathering of re-enactors at the local restored fort near our house over the weekend. There were hundreds of people (troups) there.  There’s been no word on the number of casualties. (How sharp are those bayonets?) The thing about war reenactments that puzzles me is: ever since the 1700’s, battles, for the most part, have been surprise attacks. Unlike football, there was no agreed upon schedule when the two sides agreed to get together and compete.  So yeah, in reenactments the one side has to pretend not to know that the other side is going to attack. But they know. They know.

I’m always afraid the reenactment will spill over into our neighborhood and some wounded soldier is gonna show up at my back door, or they’ll want to set up a M.A.S.H. unit in my attic or something. This is why I don’t own a Jeep. You know they’d confiscate it.

Lastly, our local grocery store had a run on marshmallows and Hershey bars. C’mon guys.  

We are Family

Have you ever gone in one of those family bathrooms at a museum or ballpark or theater?  They’re smaller than a regular bathroom! What’s up with that? When I get the family size of something, I expect it to be larger. A family size bag of pork rinds, for instance, is that large one on the top shelf. The family size ground beef is usually like three pounds, right?

Maybe they’re thinking that families are smaller now but I don’t get it. There’s only one toilet in there. And it’s not some giant family sized toilet. No.

I don’t get it.

Cruise Control

I was not able to see much of the Olympics. I heard bits and pieces of the results. Sounds like we did OK.  I heard that Texas Senator Ted Cruz repelled from the roof of the Olympic stadium in the closing ceremony. I thought that that was a fitting end to the Olympics and a nice link to the 2028 Olympics which will be held in the United States. And so many of our good athletes come from Texas.

I found out later that it of course was not Ted Cruz at all. It was actor Tom Cruise, a much older man. I’ve not really been able to figure out a link there but I’m guessing that this was a link to the upcoming senior Olympics.

Unless it was maybe hype for Mission Impossible 14.

The Wall of Shoes

There’s this house across town that, if you drive by it when the garage door is open, you can see one side wall of the garage is a huge shoe rack. And it’s full. It looks like a Kinney Shoe Store in there. The shoes go all the way to the garage door. Since this is not a very convenient place to keep shoes – well I suppose it’s more handy than keeping them outside – I’m guessing this is the shoe overflow area. These are the ones that only get worn a couple times a year, or maybe a couple times a decade. Maybe only on Easter. In a case like this, what must their reserve shoelace supply drawer look like?

Don’t you hate it when you have shoes that you know that there are no replacement shoe laces anywhere close to what’s on that shoe? So you coddle the original laces, trying not to break the laces. When they do finally break the replacement laces totally change the character of the shoe. Bummer.

Maybe, just maybe, the Wall of Shoes person has dealt with the heartbreak of having to replace the irreplaceable shoe laces and at least a portion of the Wall of Shoes is simply duplicates of the shoes they have in their closet for which they know they can't find replacement shoe laces. I bet that’s it.

Lifeguard Lingo

I can’t believe lifeguards at the beach are not trained in foreign languages. The United States is more multilingual than at any time in its history.  It’s hard enough for the lifeguard to hear the swimmers in English what with the waves crashing and the seagulls squawking. And people playing that obnoxious Yacht Rock music. (What exactly is Yacht Rock?) 

But yeah, these lifeguards don’t know if they’re hearing “I can’t swim!” or “What time is high tide?” And what if the swimmer only speaks Portuguese?  The lifeguards don’t have to learn the whole language. I think key word and phrases will suffice, including: “help”, “shark”, “Do I have to wait twenty minutes since I had that corn dog”. Stuff like that. Yeah.

Dog Day$

 

It’s already August, can you believe it? So yeah, we’re in the dog days, those hot, sticky, humid days. Nobody uses dog days as a theme that I know of. Somebody needs to capitalize on that. Some ideas:

•           Dog days at the ball park – I’ve seen the phrase “Bark at the Park” used which isn’t bad. “Dog Days” would have to be a day game which may be too hot for the hounds. I suppose you could go with “Three Dog Night” but not everyone has three dogs
• Dog days at the Coney Island – Three hot dogs for $8 or something like that. Yeah, I’m in. Guest appearance by Joey Chestnut maybe. Remember him?
• Two for one at the pound – Or run some kind of special where the dogs are sold “by the pound”. This could be known as the "Dog Days Hound by the Pound" program. 

Did I tell you I took a Marketing course in college? Yeah.