Weinermobile

Continuing on our summer transportation theme (and also continuing on our recent meat theme), have any of you ever seen the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile going down the highway? I think I saw it once. Well, it turns out it’s not so rare to see it ‘cause there’s like 6 of them. (Do you think this is what gave the pope the idea for the Popemobile? “Hey that guy’s getting some pretty good exposure in that Weinermobile…(in Latin)”).  Regardless, I recently saw a picture of one of the Weinermobiles that had been in an accident. The damage did not appear to be too bad. There was only bun damage. The meat looked OK. That’s really all Oscar Meyer cares about. 

Do you think that when it’s not in use, one of the Oscar Meyer employees gets to drive it home at night? “Herb, you’ve put in a long day here at the plant, why don’t you take the Weinermobile tonight.”

Wrong Number?

Do you ever call someone by accident when you’re trying to call someone else? Don’t feel bad – we all do it. So what do you do when this happens? Here are your typical options:

·         Hang up. Nope. You can’t just hang up. Everybody’s got caller ID now. They’ll know it was you.

·         Pretend you were really calling them and create conversation and hope it goes somewhere.  Meh.

·         Fess up and tell them you were really trying to call someone else. This will not make them feel very good. Huh-uh.

These are the standard options. We here at Uncle Tommy have uncovered a 4^th option. (This is what we do.)

·         Pretend you’re a guy who stole your phone. This requires quick thinking but may be the best option. Say “I stole Tom’s phone and I’m checking out his contacts.” Something like that. It helps if you can talk like a gangster, like Bogart or Edward G Robinson. “I stole this guy’s phone, see,….”  

Of course, when that person calls you back, you have to either continue being the Edward G Robinson character or be prepared to explain how you got your phone back.

Meat Post #9

As you know, we’ve been on a meat theme of late. Well, I like Kevin Bacon movies. Always have. And he and his brother are in a rock group. Yeah. But, I read today that Kevin  and his wife Kyra Sedgwick, after decades of marriage, have now apparently learned that they are cousins. Wait. What? I didn’t read the article. (People who write blogs don’t have time to read every article that comes down the pike). But this type of situation seems avoidable in my estimation. For example, often the bride to be has a shower given by one of her relatives and a shower given by one of her fiancé’s relatives. Now, if the same women come to both showers, you might have a problem. A second sign would be if people come to the wedding and can’t decide which side of the aisle to sit on.

So yeah, kids, this sounds simple, but it’s a good idea to ask your parents if you’re related to your girlfriend or boyfriend before you pop the question. And parents, don’t hover over your children too much, but if they’re dating your niece or nephew, let ‘em know.

Beef Grief

I went to Costco the other day when I was hungry. In fact, I might have even been “hangry”. That’s a new word that I’ve learned – it means you’re so hungry that you’re angry. So hungry you would go to  Hardees and eat and then be even more angry afterwards ‘cause you ate at Hardees. So yeah, I was in Costco (I’m a member), and I was there to buy something, but I was kind of looking for those free food samples they have there to combat my hanger (another new word!). The first sample display when I walked in that day was beef jerky. They were handing out these huge chunks of jerky and it was delicious! Problem is, it took me the whole time I was in the store to chew the stuff. So, yeah Costco, your plan worked. I could not partake in all the other samples. So you saved some serious money.

I walked out of there even more hangry than when I walked in. It doesn’t take a genius to figure these guys out. What’s next? Jawbreaker samples? Chewing tobacco?

Tribute Bands

What’s with all these tribute bands? It’s one thing to try to sound like a famous group, but to dress like them too? Weird. But these groups are everywhere. How long before we have what I’ve dubbed Tier II Tribute Bands? These would be bands who are a tribute to a tribute band.

But why limit these tribute acts to bands or individual singers? Why not have comedian tribute people? If people pay to see a Liza Minnelli tribute why not a Paula Poundstone tribute person? And how about  tribute athletes?  These guys could hire themselves out as sports banquet speakers. Heck, they might be better speakers than the real guys. “He even looked like Derek Jeter, Dad!” Or, ”I thought OJ was in prison, Dad!”